another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's----------fop?

Percival bought a rather fancy new shirt at one of those trendy stores.  When he got it home he noticed a piece of paper pinned to the inside .  It was a note with the e-mail address of a woman. "Please reply and send photo," the note said.

Sensing romantic possibilities, Percy sent a boldly flirtatious e-mail to the woman.  He sent several photos of himself as attachments.

In due course he received a response.  It said, "My friend and I had a bet over what sort of man would wear a shirt like that.  My friend guessed a man of style.  I guessed a fop.  I totally won the bet!  Thank you!"

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In 1896, the Supreme Court, in Plessy v. Ferguson, endorsed "separate but equal" racial segregation, a concept renounced 58 years later in Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka.

In 1910, Hailey's Comet passed by Earth brushing it with it's tail.

In 1980, the Mount St. Helens volcano in Washington state exploded leaving 57 people dead or missing.

In 1981, the New York Native, a gay newspaper, carried a story concerning rumors of "an exotic new disease" among homosexuals.  It was the first published report about what came to be known as AIDS.

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Today----------Actor Bill Macy is 89, Hall-of-Fame sportscaster Jack Whitaker is 87, Actor Robert Morse is 80, Actor and Television executive Dwayne Hickman is 77, Baseball Hall-of-Famer Brooks Robinson is 74, Bluegrass singer-musician Rodney Dillard is 69, Baseball Hall-of-Famer Reggie Jackson is 65, Actress Candice Azzara is 64, Country singer Joe Bonsall (The Oak Ridge Boys) is 63 and Actor James Stephens is 60.

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May 18th is:  International Museum Day, Mother Whistler Day, Visit Your Relatives Day, National Employee Health and Fitness Day and Turn Beauty Inside Out Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------Hah

Benson was playing in a charity golf tournament at the country club, and a fine crowd had turned out.  As he teed up on the par-three ninth hole, he spotted a familiar face in the crowd up by the green.

Reaching for his club, Benson remarked to his playing companions, "Well, I'd better give it my best shot on this one.  That's my mother-in-law up there."

"Come on, Benson, be real," the other said, "You can't expect to hit her at 200 yards."

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In 1962, during a Democratic fundraiser at New York's Madison Square Garden, actress Marilyn Monroe sang "Happy Birthday to you" to guest-of-honor President John F. Kennedy.

In 1964, the State Department disclosed that 40 hidden microphones had been found in the U.S. embassy in Moscow.

In 1994, former first lady Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis died in New York at age 64.

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Today---------------TV personality David Hartman is 76, Actor James Fox is 72, Actress Nancy Kwan is 72, Author-director Nora Ephron is 70, Actor Peter Mayhew is 67, Guitarist-composer Pete Townsend (The Who) is 66 and PBS commentator Jim Lehrer is 77.

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May 19th is:  Boys Club Day and May Ray Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------there are some that are funny, some require thinking, some that are so-so, and some that just are bad.  This is one of those.

American filmmaker Chris Columbus, born Christopher Columbus in 1958 in Pennsylvania, recently flew to London's Heathrow Airport.  The director of "Gremlins," "The Goonies" and "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," was due to teach a film course at nearby Oxford University.

Unfortunately, the delegation that was sent to fetch Columbus at the airport and drive him up to Oxford had been delayed.  Missing his flight arrival, they frantically searched the airport.  In one lounge, they spied a gentleman who seemed to be a person of some importance.  The chairman of the delegation approached him and said, "Pardon me, sir, but are you Christopher Columbus?"

The man frowned and set down his drink.  "Thunderation, no!" he said sternly.  "I'm Henry the Eighth!  Columbus is over there playing cards with Napoleon!"

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In 1927, Charles Lindbergh took off from Roosevelt Field in Long Island, NY, aboard the Spirit of St. Louis on his historic solo flight to France.

In 1932, Amelia Earhart took off from Newfoundland to become the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic.  (Because of weather and equipment problems, Earhart set down in Northern Ireland instead of her intended destination, France.)

In 1961, a white mob attacked a busload of Freedom Riders in Montgomery, Alabama, prompting the federal government to send in U.S. marshals to restore order.

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Today--------Actor-author James McEachin is 81, Actor Anthony Zerbe is 75, Actor David Proval is 69, Singer Joe Cocker is 67, Actor-comedian Dave Thomas is 62 and Singer-actress Cher is 65.

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May 20th is:  Eliza Doolittle Day, International Virtual Assistants Day, Mike, the Headless Chicken Day, National Bike to Work Day, National Defense Transportation Day, Rhubarb Day (20-21) and Weights and Measures Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------deja vu

The father took his daughter aside and said, sternly, "Danielle, it seems like your boyfriend is staying later and later.  Hasn't your mother said something to you about this?"

Danielle looked down and said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact she has."

Her father replied with satisfaction, "And tell me, what did she say to you?"

Danielle looked up and answered, with the utmost sweetness, "She said men haven't changed one bit since she was young and dating you."

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In 1542, Spanish explorer Hernando de Soto died while searching for gold along the Mississippi River.

In 1881, Clara Barton founded the American Red Cross.

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Today--------Rhythm-and-blues singer Ron Isley (The Isley Brothers) is 70, Rock musician Hilton Valentine (The Animals) is 68, Actor Richard Hatch (Battlestar Gallactica) is 66, Musician Bill Champlin is 64, Singer Leo Sayer is 63, Actress Carol Potter is 63 and Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn) is 60.

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May 21st is:  American Red Cross Founders Day, Armed Forces Day, I Need A Patch For That Day, End Of The World Day, National Endangered Species Day, National Wait Staff Day, O. Henry Pun-off Day, Preakness Stakes, Sister Maria Hummel Day and World Day For Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------okay

Stacy knew that Harold was a bit shy, but she didn't know he was THAT shy.

When he arrived for their first date with a large bouquet of flowers, she exclaimed, "Oh, they are so lovely," and kissed him warmly on the cheek.

He turned abruptly and made his departure.

Shocked, Stacy called after him, "I am so sorry if I offended you."

Without turning back, Harold waved and shouted, "Oh, I'm not offended.  I'm going for more flowers!"

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In 1761, the first American life insurance policy was issued in Philadelphia to a Rev. Francis Allison, whose premium was 6 pounds per year.

In 1861, in what's generally regarded as the first Union combat fatality of the Civil War, Pvt. Thornsbury Bailey Brown was shot and killed by a Confederate soldier at Fetterman Bridge in present-day West Virginia.

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Today--------------Movie reviewer Judith Crist is 89, Singer Charles Aznavour is 87, Actor Michael Constantine is 84, Conductor Peter Nero is 77, Actor-director Richard Benjamin is 73, Actor Frank Converse is 73, Former CNN anchor Bernard Shaw is 71, Actress Barbara Parkins is 69 and Songwriter Bernie Taupin is 61.

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May 22nd is:   International Day For Biological Diversity, Lag B' Omer, National Maritime Day and Neighbor Day.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

Rev. Alison started an academy in nearby New London PA, (1739) just up 896 from me  because there were no real classical schools in the area then. Eventually it moved down here (1767) and became the University of Delaware. There is still an Allison Hall, part of the teacher's college. (I believe he started out over in Old New Castle.) He was a very forward thinking, well loved,but stern Reverend in his day. He was also pastor of the New London Presbyterian Church, where I visit quite often. He had many students in his classes who went on to be quite famous leaders of their time, including several who were signers of the Declaration of Independence,Thomas McKean, George Reed and James Smith.  He was also a tutor for the family of John Dickinson.His two sons, who both became doctors, are buried not far from my parents.
   By the way, about that insurance policy he bought? He was part of a group that founded a ministers life insurance fund, so he essentially sold the policy to himself.  

[larryJ]

Today's---------------haha

Myron was watching an infomercial on late-night television.  Some quack was selling a miracle elixir that he declared would make men and women live to a great age.

"Look at me," he cried.  "I take it every day, and I'm hale and hearty at the age of 160.  Please make your call now.  Operators are standing by."

Myron, doubtful, called the number.  He asked the operator, "Is that guy really as old as he says he is?"

The operator replied, "How would I know?  I've only worked with him for 100 years."

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In 1934, bank robbers Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker were shot to death in a police ambush in Bienville Parish, Louisiana.

In 1984, Surgeon General C. Everett Koop issued a report saying there was "very solid" evidence linking cigarette smoke to lung disease in nonsmokers.

In 1991, talk show host Johnny Carson stunned an NBC affiliates' meeting in New York by announcing his retirement from "The Tonight Show," effective in one year.

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Today-------------Bluegrass singer Mac Wiseman is 86, Actor Nigel Davenport is 83, Actress Barbara Barrie is 80, Actress Joan Collins is 78, Actor Charles Kimbrough is 75, Actress Lauren Chapin is 66, Country singer Misty Morgan is 66 and Country singer Judy Rodman is 60.

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May 23rd is:  Declaration of the Bab Day, National Taffy Day, World Crohn's and Colitis Day, World Turtle Day and Victoria Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------duh

Jessica meant to make proper arrangements to have her mail held while she went on vacation for the week, but she ran out of time.

Just before rushing out the door, she stuck a card on the mailbox that said, "Gone all week.  Don't leave anything!"

It wasn't the brightest thing to do.

When she returned home, she found that her house had been ransacked.  The card she left on the mailbox now lay in the middle of the kitchen floor and a note had been added to it.

"Thanks!  We haven't left much!"

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In 1844, Samuel F.B. Morse transmitted the message, "What Hath God Wrought" from Washington to Baltimore as he formerly opened America's first telegraph line.

In 1935, the first major league baseball game to be played at night took place at Cincinnati's Crosley Field as the Reds beat the Philadelphia Phillies, 2-1.

In 1961, a group of Freedom Riders was arrested after arriving at a bus terminal in Jackson, Mississippi, charged with breaching the peace for entering white-designated areas.  (They ended up serving 60 days in jail.)

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Today-------------Comedian Tommy Chong is 73, Singer Bob Dylan is 70, Actor Gary Burghoff is 68, Singer Patti LaBelle is 67, Actress Priscilla Presley is 66, Country singer Mike Reid is 64 and Actor Jim Broadbent is 62.

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May 24th is:  Brother's Day, Hug Your Cat Day, Morse Code Day and National Geographic Bee Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today-----------another burglary joke?

A homeowner was wakened in the middle of the night by the sounds of a burglar on the floor below.  He quickly descended the stairs, brandishing a revolver, and confronted the intruder.

He commanded, "Take every bit of that stuff out of your bag this instant and put it on the table next to you!"

The surprised burglar immediately began emptying the bag.  When it was half-empty, though, he stopped.

The homeowner waved his revolver and said, "Every bit of it, do you hear me?"

The thief said, in a pleading voice, "Sir, that is not fair."

The homeowner thundered, "How dare you?  What do you mean, it's not fair?"

The burglar said, pitifully, "Half of it came from next door!"

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In 1935, Babe Ruth hit the 714th and final home run of his career, for the Boston Braves, in a game against the Pittsburgh Pirates.

In 1961, President John F. Kennedy told a joint session of Congress; "I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth."

In 1986, an estimated 7 million Americans participated in "Hands Across America" to raise money for the nation's hungry and homeless.

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Today--------Lyricist Hal David is 90, Country Singer-songwriter Tom T. Hall is 75, Actor Sir Ian McKellen is 72, Country singer Jesse Coulter is 68, Actress-singer Leslie Uggams is 68, Movie producer  and Muppeteer Frank Oz is 67 and Actress Karen Valentine is 64.

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May 25th is:  African Freedom Day, National Missing Children's Day, Cookie Monster's Birthday, National Tap Dance Day, Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day, Towel Day, World MS (Multiple Sclerosis) Day and National Senior Health and Fitness Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

To day's-------------Yep, a groaner

Did you hear the one about the young clergyman who played golf with a parishioner 30 years his senior, and was soundly beaten?  In fact, the older fellow won every single hole.

In the clubhouse, afterward, the preacher was obviously downcast.

"Cheer up, reverend," the older victor said, happily, "Remember, you'll win at the end.  You'll be burying me some day."

The young preacher, still long-faced, said, "Yes, but even then, it will be your hole."

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In 1938, the House Un-American Activities Committee was established by Congress.

In 1941, the American Flag House, where Betsy Ross once lived, was donated to the city of Philadelphia.

In 1960, U.N. Ambassador Henry Cabot Lodge accused the Soviets of hiding a microphone inside a wood carving of the Great Seal of the United States that had been presented to the U.S. embassy in Moscow.

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Today---------------Actor James Arness is 88, Actor Alec McCowen is 86, Sportscaster Brent Musberger is 72, Rock singer-musician Levon Helm (The Band) is 71, Rock musician Garry Peterson (Guess Who) is 66, Singer Stevie Nicks is 63, Actor Philip Michael Thomas is 62, Country singer Hank Williams, Jr. is 62, Former astronaut Sally K. Ride is 60 and Actress Pam Grier is 62.

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May 26th is:  Scripps National Spelling Bee Day.

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Larryj