another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------happens to me too

The old man approached a beautiful woman at the mall and said, "Excuse me, I seem to have lost my wife in the crowd here.  Do you mind if we talk for a minute?  I'm sure it will help."

The beautiful woman said, "How is that going to help?"

The old man said, "Every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

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In 1931, President Herbert Hoover signed a congressional resolution making "The Star-Spangled Banner" the national anthem of the United States.

In 1969, Apollo 9 blasted off from Cape Kennedy on a mission to test the lunar module.


In 1991, motorist Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police officers in a scene captured on amateur video.  Riots ensued in South Los Angeles causing millions of dollars in damages.

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Today---------------------Bluegrass singer-musician Doc Watson is 88, Socialite Lee Radziwill is 78, Actress Hattie Winston is 66, Singer Jennifer Warnes is 64 and Actor-director Tim Kazurinsky is 61.

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March 3rd is:  International Sister Cities Day, I Want You To Be Happy Day, National Anthem Day, Peace Corps Day and What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposing thumbs? Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------------works for me

A young lady visited an online dating service and typed in the characteristics she sought in a mate.

"Must be sleek and good looking.  Must be knowledgeable and humorous.  Must be good at singing and dancing.  Must be willing to provide companionship at any time.  Must tell me interesting stories when I want to be entertained, and be silent when I want to rest."

She entered all the info, then waited for a reply.  It came in just a moment:

"Buy a television."

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In 1789, the Constitution of the United States went into effect as the first Federal Congress met in New York.  (The lawmakers then adjourned for lack of a quorum.)

In 1861, Abraham Lincoln was inaugurated as the 16th president of the United States. And, the U.S. Government Printing Office began operation.  And, The Confederate States of America adopted as its flag the original version of the Stars and Bars (not to be confused with the more familiar Confederate Battle Flag.)

In 1940, Kings Canyon National Park in California was established.

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Today-------------Actress Paula Prentiss is 73, Singer Bobby Womack is 67 and Author James Ellroy is 63,

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March 4th is:  Benjamin Harrison Day, Courageous Follower Day, Employee Appreciation Day, International Scrapbooking Industry Day, March Fourth-Do Something Day, National Grammar Day, Old Inauguration Day, Shabbat Across America Day, Toy Soldier Day and World Day of Prayer.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

Have you been to Kings Canyon? I was amazed how deep it is and a very beautiful area and drive.

[larryJ]

Diane, I have been there a few times.  When my daughter was in high school, her church group used to have a summer camp in that area.  We would go to see her, but also enjoyed the redwoods and the scenery.

Today's--------------------------ouch

A businesswoman on an airplane found herself seated next to an elegant society lady wearing designer clothes and a fabulous hairdo.  The society lady was wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring that the businesswoman ever had seen.

Finally, the businesswoman couldn't help herself.  She said, "Pardon me, but I can't help admiring your ring.  It's so beautiful."

The society lady said, "Yes, this is the Kruckstein diamond.  It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?"

"Mr. Kruckstein."

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In 1953, Soviet dictator Josef Stalin died after three decades in power.

In 1960, Elvis Presley was discharged from the Army.

In 1963, country music performers Patsy Cline, "Cowboy" Copas and "Hawkshaw" Hawkins died in a plane crash near Camden, Tennessee, that also claimed the life of pilot Randy Hughes (Cline's manager.)

In 1982, comedian John Belushi was found dead of a drug overdose in a rented bungalow in Hollywood.  He was 33.

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Today-----------Actor James Noble is 89, Actor James B. Sikking is 77, Actor Dean Stockwell is 75, Actor Fred Williamson is 73, Actress Samantha Eggar is 72, Actor Michael Warren is 65, Actor Eddie Hodges is 64 and Singer Eddy Grant is 63.

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March 5th is:  Potty Dance Day, Saint Piran's Day and USA Memory Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------another "from the mouths of babes"

Little Courtney noticed that her mom was starting to get a few white hairs.  She asked, "Mommy, why are some of your hairs white?"

Her mom replied, "Every time you are bad, it makes one of my hairs turn white."

Courtney thought for a minute, then said, "Wow, you must have been very bad when you were a little girl because ALL of grandma's hairs are white!"

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In 1836, the Alamo in San Antonio, Texas, fell to Mexican forces after a 13-day siege.

In 1967, the daughter of Josef Stalin, Svetlana Alliluyeva, appeared at the U.S. Embassy in New Delhi and declared her intention to defect to the West.

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Today--------------Orchestra leader Julius Rudel is 90, Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan is 85, Actress-writer Joanna Miles is 71, Singer Mary Wilson (The Supremes) is 67, Actress Anna Maria Horsford is 64, Actor-director Rob Reiner is 64, Singer Kiki Dee is 64 and Rock singer-musician David Gilmour (Pink Floyd) is 65.

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March 6th is:  Namesake Day, Shrovetide (6-8), and U.S. Snowshoe Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

I like to surf and find out about the days that are celebrated sometimes just to see what they are and where and how they are observed.  Today's listing included Namesake Day, which is a day for you to search for your namesake and, if you so desire, make contact with them.  It appears that Namesake Day is actually on March 7th.  My source, the local paper, was in error. 

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------another oldie

There were three brothers, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together.  They were in good health, but they were getting a little forgetful.  One night the 96-year-old ran a bath.  He put one foot in, then paused for a long time.  Finally, he yelled, "I can't remember.  Was I getting in the tub or out?"

The 94-year-old hollered back, "Do you need help?"  He headed up the stairs, but paused on the landing.  He shouted, "Holy cow.  Was I going up or coming down?"

The 92-year-old was having coffee in the kitchen.  He muttered to himself, "For Pete's sake, I hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on the wood table for good luck.  Then he called out loudly,  "Hold on!  I'll come up and help both of you, as soon as I see who's at the door."

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In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for his telephone.

In 1911, President William Howard Taft ordered 20,000 troops to patrol the U.S.-Mexico border in response to the Mexican Revolution.

In 1926, the first successful trans-Atlantic radio-telephone conversations took place between New York and London.

In 1960, Jack Paar returned as host of NBC's "Tonight Show," nearly a month after walking off in a censorship dispute with the network.

In 1965, a march by civil rights demonstrators was broken up in Selma, Alabama, by state troopers and sheriff's posse.

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Today-------------Comedian Alan Sues is 85, TV personality Willard Scott is 77, Actor Daniel J. Travanti is 71, Former Walt Disney Co. Chief executive officer Michael Eisner is 69, Rock musician Chris White (The Zombies) is 68, Actor John Heard is 65, Rock singer Peter Wolf is 65 and Pro Football Hall-of-Famer Franco Harris is 61.

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March 7th is:  Casimar Pulaski Day, Daughters and Sons Day, National Be Heard Day, Fun Facts About Names Day and Shrove Monday.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------Whoops! Dang it!

The mobster was on trial for a capital crime and, if convicted, faced the electric chair.  He directed his men pay a visit to one of the jurors, who looked like an easy touch.  The juror was offered $100,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out for an entire week, then returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the mobster sent his men to the juror's house with a suitcase full of cash.

"You did a good job," one of the men said.

The juror replied, "I know.  Let me tell you, it wasn't easy convincing everyone else to vote for manslaughter.  They all wanted to let him go."

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In 1782, the Gnadenhutten massacre took place as more than 90 Indians were slain by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids carried out by other Indians.

In 1854, U.S. Commodore Matthew C. Perry made his second landing in Japan; within a month, he concluded a treaty with the Japanese.

In 1862, during the Civil War, the ironclad CSS Virginia rammed and sank the USS Cumberland and heavily damaged the USS Congress, both frigates, off Newport News, Virginia.

In 1965, the United States landed its first combat troops in South Vietnam as 3,500 Marines were brought in to defend the U.S. air base at Da Nang.

In 1971, Joe Frazier defeated Muhammad Ali by decision in what was billed as "The Fight of the Century"  at Madison Square Garden in New York.

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Today-----------Actress Sue Ann Langdon is 75, Baseball player-turned author Jim Bouton is 72, Actor-director Mickey Dolenz is 66, Singer-musician Randy Meisner is 65 and Pop singer Peggy March is 63.

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March 8th is:  Day For Women's Rights and International Peace Day, Girls Write Now Day, Organize Your Home Office Day, International Women's Day, Paczki Day, Pancake Day, Unique Names Day and Mardi Gras.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------------------Hah

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."

The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat.

The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore." God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"

The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"

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In 1861, the Confederate Congress, meeting in Montgomery, Alabama, authorized the issuing of paper currency, in the form of interest-bearing notes, which were initially printed by a New York firm, the National Bank Note Company.

In 1916, Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, New Mexico, killing 18 Americans.

In 1981, Dan Rather made his debut as principal anchorman of "The CBS Evening News."

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Today---------------Singer-actress Keely Smith is 79, Singer Lloyd Price is 78, Actress Joyce Van Patten is 77, Actor-comedian Marty Ingels is 75, Country singer Mickey Gilley is 75, Actress Trish Van Devere is 70, Former ABC anchorman Charles Gibson is 68, Rock musician Robin Trower is 66, Singer Jeffery Osborne is 63 and Actress Jaime Lyn Bauer is 62,

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March 9th is:  Panic Day, Learn What Your Name Means Day, Barbie Day, Get Over It Day, Joe Franklin Day, Registered Dietitians Day and Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------I've heard it before but maybe you haven't.  I heard it as a Pollock joke.

Billy Bob's pregnant sister is in a terrible car accident and goes into a deep coma.  After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.  Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins!  A boy and a girl.  The babies are doing fine and your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother-------------he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor , "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," said the doctor.

The new mother says, "Wow, that's a beautiful name!  I guess I was wrong about my brother.  I like Denise."  Then she asks, "What's the boys name?"

"Denephew."

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In 1785, Thomas Jefferson was appointed America's minister to France, succeeding Benjamin Franklin.

In 1848, the Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, which ended the Mexican-American War.

In 1876, the first successful voice transmission over Alexander Graham Bell's telephone took place in Boston as his assistant heard Bell say, "Mr. Watson --- come here.  I need you."

In 1949, Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, D.C., of treason.  (She served 12 years in prison.)

In 1969, James Earl Ray pleaded guilty in Memphis, Tennessee, to assassinating civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr.  (Ray later repudiated that plea, maintaining his innocence until his death.)

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Today-------------------Talk show host Ralph Emery is 78, Actor Chuck Norris is 71, Singer Dean Torrence (Jan and Dean) is 71, Actress Katharine Houghton is 66 and Actress Aloma Wright is 61.

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March 10th is:  International Day of Awesomeness, Mario Day, Name Tag Day, Salvation Army Day, U.S. Paper Money Day and World Kidney Day.

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Larryj