another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's--------------old but seasonal

A turkey breeder spent years trying to create a better turkey.  He knew that people are fond of turkey legs, and there are never enough to go around.

One day he announced, breathlessly to family and friends, "I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!"

Someone asked him, "How does it taste?"

He replied, "I don't know.  I can't catch it."

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In 1620, Peregrine White was born aboard the Mayflower in Massachusetts Bay; he was the first child born of English parents in present-day New England.

In 1969, a group of American Indian activists began a 19-month occupation of Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay.

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Today------------Actress-comedian Kaye Ballard is 85, Actress Estelle Parsons is 83, TV personality Richard Dawson is 78, comedian Dick Smothers is 72, Actress Veronica Hamel is 67, Broadcast Journalist Judy Woodruff is 64, Actor Samuel E. Wright is 64, Singer Joe Walsh is 63, Actor Richard Masur is 62 and Vice President Joe Biden is 68.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------seasonal

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE EATEN TOO MUCH FOOD AT THANKSGIVING.

10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.

9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.

8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.

7. Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet.

6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.

5. World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"

4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.

3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.

2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.

1. You're sweatin' gravy.

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In 1980, 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas.

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Today----Baseball Hall-of-famer Stan Musial is 90, Country Singer Jean Shepard is 77, Actress Marlo Thomas is 73, Singer Dr. John is 70, Basketball Hall-of-famer Earl Monroe is 66 and Actress Goldie Hawn is 65.

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Larryj

[twirldoggy]

lol

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------another golden oldie

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher sternly said it was impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they are very large, their throats are small.

The little girl said, "I know what the Bible says, and the Bible says that Jonah was swallowed by a whale."

The teacher, in a scolding voice, restated the fact that a whale cannot swallow a human.  It's impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The flustered teacher retorted, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you can ask him."

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In 1718, English pirate Edward Teach, better known as 'Blackbeard' was killed off the Virginia coast.

In 1935, a flying boat, the China Clipper, took off from Alameda, carrying more than 100,000 pieces of mail on the first trans-Pacific airmail flight.

In 1963, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated while riding in a motorcade in Dallas, Texas.  Texas governor John Connally, in the same car as Kennedy, was seriously wounded.  Suspect Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested.

In 1980, death claimed actress Mae West at her Hollywood residence at age 87.

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Today----------Actor Robert Vaughan is 78, Actor Michael Callan is 75, Actor Alan Garfield is 71, Actor Tom Conti is 69, Singer Jesse Colin Young is 69, Astronaut Guion Bluford is 68 and Tennis Hall-of-famer Billy Jean King is 67.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------this is an "ooooh" or an "ouch"

A new mother got on a bus holding her infant.  The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "That's terrible.  He's a public servant, and he shouldn't be offending passengers."

"You're right," she said.  "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said.  "Here, let me hold your dog!"

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In 1889, the first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at the Palais Royale Saloon.

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Today---------Actor Michael Gough is 93, Actor Franco Nero is 69, Actress Susan Anspach is 68 and Actor Steve Landesberg is 65.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------Oh yeah-----

A couple finished a quick Sunday morning breakfast.  The wife went upstairs, put on her Sunday church outfit, then returned to the kitchen.  Her husband still was sitting at the table in his bathrobe, drinking another cup of coffee.

"Aren't you going to church this morning?" she  asked.

"No, I'm never going to church again," he replied.

She said, with a gasp of disbelief, "Why?"

He said, "Look, there are people at that church who don't like me, and there are people at that church whom I don't like, and I'm not going any more, and there's no reason why I should."

She said, "Well, I can think of one.  You're the preacher."

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In 1963, Jack Ruby shot and mortally wounded Lee Harvey Oswald, the accused assassin of President John F. Kennedy, in a scene captured on live television.

In 1969, Apollo 12 splashed down safely in the Pacific.

In 1971, hijacker "D.B. Cooper" parachuted from a Northwest Orient Airlines 727 over Washington state with $200,000 in ransom--his fate remains unknown.

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Today----------Basketball Hall-of-famer Oscar Robertson is 72, Country Singer Johnny Carver is 70, Rock-and-roll drummer Pete Best is 69, Actor-comedian Billy Connelly is 68, Former White House News Secretary Marlin Fitzwater is 68 and Singer Lee Michaels is 65.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------different take on an oldie

For years, three men were stranded on an island.  One day, a magic lamp washed up on the beach.  They rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared and offered to grant each man a wish.

"I wish I was off this island and back with my family," said the first man and poof, he disappeared.

"I also wish I was off this island and back home," said the second man.  He vanished, poof, just like that.

The third man said, "I like it here.  I have everything I want.  But I'm starting to feel lonely.  I want my two friends back."

Poof.  Poof.

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In 1940, the cartoon character Woody Woodpecker made his debut in the animated short "Knock Knock."

In 1963, the body of President John F. Kennedy was laid to rest at Arlington National Cemetery; his widow, first lady Jacqueline Kennedy, ignited an "eternal flame" at the grave site.

In 1980, Sugar Ray Leonard regained the World Boxing Council welterweight championship when Roberto Duran abruptly quit in the eighth round at the Lousiana Superdome.


In 1999, 5-year-old Elian Gonzales was rescued by a pair of sport fishermen off the coast of Florida, setting off an international custody battle.

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Today---------------------Actress Noel Neill is 90, Actress Kathryn Crosby is 77, Actor Matt Clark is 74, Actor Christopher Riordan is 73, Singer Percy Sledge is 70, Actor John Larroquette is 63 and Actor Tracy Walter is 63.

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Larryj
 

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------Love Dr. Phil

By following the simple advice I heard on the "Dr. Phil" show, I finally have found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed that the key to happiness is to finish all the things you have started.

So before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a package of Oreo cookies, a box of Godiva chocolates, and the rest of the cheesecake.

Dr. Phil is so right!

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In 1789, this was a day of thanksgiving set aside by President George Washington to observe the  adoption of the Constitution of the United States.

In 1842, the founders of the University of Notre Dame arrived at the school's present-day site near South Bend, IN.

In 1910, two dozen young women were killed when fire broke out at a muslin factory in Newark, NJ.

In 1950, China entered the Korean War, launching a counteroffensive against soldiers from the United Nations, the U.S. and South Korea.

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Today---------Actress Ellen Alvertini Dow is 92, Impressionist Rich Little is 72, Singer Jean Terrell is 66, Pop musician John McVie is 65 and Singer Tina Turner is 71.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------I ain't gonna try it--let me know how it works out

You can't outsmart your right foot. trust me. Try it.  It only takes a few minutes.

It will boggle your mind.  And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your darn foot.

But you can't!

1.  While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2.  Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.  Your foot will change direction!

I told you so.

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In 1910, New York's Pennsylvania Station officially opened as it became fully operational with regular through train service from the Pennsylvania Railroad.

In 1978, San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death inside City Hall by former Supervisor Dan White.

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Today--------------Actor James Avery is 62.

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Larryj

[sixdogsmom]

Okay Larry, you have made us all look like idiots today! Lol!