another slice of wry

[Diane Amberg]

Have you ever seen the Vietnam Vets Memorial?

[larryJ]

I have never been to see the real thing, but the traveling replica has been in our own little town twice over the years.  I go and see the names of friends that are on there.  I sit in the grassy park facing the memorial with other "old-timers" and stare at the wall with them.  We sit and remember our friends and all those others whose names appear on the wall.  Some cry, some just stare and others bring letters that were written 40 years ago and reread them for the umpteenth time.  It is a humbling experience and a sad one, but whenever that replica wall is nearby, I go, just to pay my respects and say thanks, God bless.

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------------------------What?  Say that again.

Before a gig, the bandleader called the female singer over and told her, "Tonight, when we do 'Night and Day.' I want you to sing the second verse first, and then break into the bridge one bar earlier than usual."

"Transpose the bridge up a minor third, but then back down again for the last three bars of it.  Then add a 5/4 bar going back into the first chorus, singing on only off beats."

"During the sax solo, go to the bridge a bar-and-a-half early, interrupting the solo, finish the first verse, go to the coda a bar late, and then keep singing for a full three beats after the band has finished."

Her eyes widened as she snorted, "That doesn't make any sense.  I can't do all that."

He replies, "Why not?  You did it last night."

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In 1851, Herman Melville's novel "Moby-Dick, Or, The Whale" was first published in the United States.

In 1969, Apollo 12 blasted off for the moon.

In 1973, Britain's Princess Anne married Capt. Mark Phillips in Westminster Abbey.  (They divorced in 1992; Anne has remarried.)

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Today-----------Britain's Prince Charles in 61.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

Choke!

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------------------GROAN, GROAN, GROAN!

There was a small church out in the countryside, painted white and with a high steeple.

After services one Sunday, it was brought to the pastor's attention that the church needed painting.  The next day he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint.  Returning to the church, he began the job.

He finished the first side and it looked good.  But he noticed he had already used a half gallon.  He didn't want to go all the way back to town, so being the creative person that he was, he found some thinner in the shed out back, and added in to the paint.

It worked out fantastic and he finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.

That night, it rained --- hard.  The next morning when he stepped outside he saw that the first side of the church was OK, but all the paint on the other three sides had washed away.  The pastor looked skyward in anguish and cried, "What shall I do?"

A booming voice from the heavens said, "Repaint, and thin no more!"

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In 1777, the Continental Congress approved the Articles of Confederation, a precursor to the Constitution of the United States.

In 1969, a quarter of a million protesters staged a peaceful demonstration in Washington against the Vietnam War.

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Today--------------------Judge Joe Wapner is 90, Actor Ed Asner is 80, Singer Petula Clark is 77, Actor Sam Waterson is 69 and Frida (ABBA) is 64.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's ----------------------------------------some people's kids!

Mary was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet.  Being only five feet tall, she had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box.  Fortunately, she has a son more than six-feet-tall whom she often calls to come to her rescue.

"Hey, Brian!" she yelled to her son, who was in the living room.  "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?"

"Sure, Mom," he remarked as he bounded into the kitchen, "But next time, I would prefer the title 'Your Highness' when you need me."

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In 1776, British troops captured Fort Washington in New York during the American Revolution.

In 1907, Oklahoma became the 46th state of the Union.

In 1933, The United States and the Soviet Union established diplomatic relations.

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Today------Journalist Elizabeth Drew is 74, Actress Joanna Pettet is 67 and Actor Steve Railsback is 64.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------------Ahhh--The price of beauty-------------

After putting her children to bed, Jessica put on her old nightclothes, washed her hair, then covered her face with a wonderfully scented, but very dark, green-colored face moisturizer.

All the while, the children were becoming more rambunctious, and Jessica's patience was waning.

Finally, wrapping a towel around her head and throwing on an old robe, she stormed into the children's room and put them back into bed accompanied by a stern warning.

As she left the room, she heard her 4-year-old say with a trembling voice to her younger brother, "Wow!  Who WAS that?"

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In 1800, Congress held its first session in Washington in the partially completed Capitol building.

In 1869, The Suez Canal opened in Egypt.

In 1934, Lyndon Baines Johnson married Claudia Alta Taylor, better known as Lady Bird in San Antonio, Texas.

In 1973, President Richard Nixon told Associated Press managing editors meeting in Orlando, Florida:  "People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook.  Well, I'm not a crook."

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Today------------Rock  musician Gerry McGee (The Ventures) is 72, Singer Gordon Lightfoot is 71, Actress Lauren Hutton is 66 and Actor-Director Danny DeVito is 65.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------------------take that!

A friend of mine, a divorcee, never remarried, and her visiting daughter wanted to know why.

Sighing, the woman said, "The men I know just would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage, and I simply don't want to put up with it."

Taking her mother's hands in mine, I said quietly, "I hate to break the news to you, dear friend, but you're not exactly carry-on yourself."

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Today------Actress Brenda Vaccaro is 70, Actress Linda Evans is 67 and former Cherokee Nation chief Wilma Mankiller is 64.

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In 1928, Walt Disney's first sound-synchronized animated cartoon, "Steamboat Willie" starring Mickey Mouse premiered in New York.

In 1959, "Ben-Hur" MGM's Biblical-era spectacle starring Chariton Heston and directed by William Wyler, had its world premiere at Loew's State Theatre in New York.


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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------------------What part of the physical description did she miss?

A man and a woman had been pen pals for more than a year, meeting via the Internet.  She became so impressed with his letters, she fell in love and wrote asking for the opportunity to meet the man behind all the wonderful letters.

He wrote back that he, too, was so very pleased with their electronic relationship.  But before honoring her request to meet in person, he had to let her know that he was in a serious car accident which left him with a steel plate in his head, a half head of hair, without one arm, confined to a wheelchair and a raspy and hoarse voice.

He concluded by writing that he would understand if this made her change her mind.  She wrote back, pooh-poohing his physical impairments, indicating that the letters had revealed what he was like on the inside.  She wrote that she wanted to meet him, and suggested that he pick her up at the airport the next Friday evening.

Her closing remark made his heart soar with happiness.  She asked that he wear a rose in his lapel so she would recognize him.

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Today----Actor Alan Young is 90, Talk show host Dick Cavett is 73, and Larry King is 76.

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In 1959, Ford Motor Co. announced it was halting production of the unpopular Edsel.

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Larryj

[Judy Harder]

If it weren't for the United States military,
There'd be NO United States of America  .


This Economy Is So Bad That...

I opened the mail and found a pre-declined credit card.

I ordered a Whopper at Burger King and they asked me, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's now play miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

The bank returned my check marked "Insufficient Funds" and I had to call them to ask if they meant me or them.

Stock in Hot Wheels is trading higher than GM.

McDonalds is selling a quarter-ouncer.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Beverly Hills parents fired their nannies and had to learn their kid's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six has stopped leaving the light on.

African television stations are showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

Snoop Dogg had to start eating regular brownies.   

I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart.

I went to my bank the other day and the teller handed me a note saying, "This is a robbery!"

Bill Gates had to switch to dial up.

I went to my bank to get a loan, they said, "What a coincidence! That's just what we were going to ask you!"

Rapper 50 Cent had to change his name to 10 Cent.

Barack Obama changed his slogan to "Maybe We Can!"

My ATM gave me an IOU.

The highest-paying job in town is Jury Duty.