another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------------------------

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he doesn't care for Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge informs him that he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened up, and they deliver.  Obtaining the phone number, the business man goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza.  The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably.  He asks the delivery man, "Oh my, what did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered--------------------pepper only."

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In memoriam, in 1955, Actor James Dean, 24, was killed in a two-car crash near Cholame, CA.

In 1939, the first college football game to be televised was shown on experimental station W2XBS in New York as Fordham University defeated Waynesburg College 34-7.



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Today--------------Actress Angie Dickinson is 78, Singer Cissy Houston is 76, Singer Johnny Mathis is 74, Singer Marilyn McCoo is 66.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------------------------and don't admit that you have done this.

A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively.

"I feel terrible," she told him.  "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Oh no..................oh, well, don't worry about it," consoled her husband, "remember, I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, I know, and it's lucky you have!" said the woman, drying her eyes and regaining her composure, "I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!"

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Today----------------former President Jimmy Carter is 85, Pianist Roger Williams is 85, Actor Tom Bosley is 82, Actress Julie Andrews is 74, and actress Stella Stevens is 71.


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In 1908, Henry Ford introduced his Model T automobile to the market.

In 1987, eight people were killed when an earthquake measuring magnitude 5.9 struck the Los Angeles area.

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Larryj

[Warph]

Here's one for you, Larry.....

A U.S. Marine  squad was marching north of  Fallujah when they came  upon an Iraqi  terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road  was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, "I was  heavily armed and  moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.

We saw each other and both  took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein  was a miserable, low life scum bag who got what he deserved, and he  yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive, and Obama is an idiot.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian. He retaliated by yelling,  "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit  us."



By the way.... I was told that today makes five weeks that Teddy's been sober.

[larryJ]

Well, that eclipses my record, darn it.

Your made me remember this one.

World War 1 and there is a Scottish regiment in a trench facing an equally sized German force in the opposing trench.  Nothing is happening, it is a stalemate.  Finally, one enterprising Scotsman asks his commander, "sir, what is a common German name?"  The commander answers, "Well, I guess 'Hans' would be as good as any."

So the Scotsman goes down the trench a little ways and hollers, "Hey, Hans!"  "Ya" comes an answer as a German stands to see who is calling him.  The Scotsman aims and fires, killing the German.  He then moves down the trench a little farther and calls out, "Hey Hans!" and the result is the same as the first time.  This goes on for a while and finally a German goes to his commander and asks him what a common Scottish name is.  The German commander replies, "well, I guess that would be Ian."  So the German goes down the trench and hollers out, "Hey, Ian!" 

"Is that you, Hans?"  "Ya!"  Bam--Bam.

Larryj

[Judy Harder]

You got a laugh out loud......Larry, thanks!

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------------------

A Stanford medical research group advertised for participants in a study of "obsessive-compulsive disorder."

Specifically, the group was looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder, and the response was, indeed, gratifying.  The group received 376 responses the very day the ad came out------------all from the same individual.

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In 1950, the comic strip "Peanuts" created by Charles M. Schulz was syndicated to seven newspapers.

In 1959, Rod Serling's "The Twilight Zone" made its debut on CBS-TV with the episode "Where is Everybody?" starring Earl Holliman.

In 1985, actor Rock Hudson died at his home in Beverley Hills, CA, at age 59 after battling AIDS.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------------more husband bashing-----------------

The wheel of the grocery cart was making a horrible screeching sound as the patron rolled it through the supermarket.

Nonetheless, when she finished her shopping and saw a woman apparently looking for a cart, she offered it up, explaining, "It makes an awful noise, but it works."

"Oh, that's OK," the woman said, "I have a husband at home just like that."

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(True Story-----------We were shopping in a supermarket one time and had a very noisy cart.  So I wheeled it over to the hardware aisle, grabbed a can of WD-40 and gave the wheels a quick shot and put the can back, and VOILA!  no more noise.)

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Today----Author Gore Vidal is 84, Singer Lindsey Buckingham is 60 and Al Sharpton is 55.

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Larryj

[Jo McDonald]

 







F16 vs. C-130

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
The jet jockey decided to show off.

  The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly
Went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished
With a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot
Asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?
   
The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!'
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130
Pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?'
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'
The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked
To the back, went to the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a
Cinnamon bun.'

When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing !!!
When you get older & smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing !!!

Us older folks understand this one.
   
     
























 

[pepelect]

 

[larryJ]

Pep, you missed the last line of the joke.  The one about older folks.  You ain't there yet.  I once told a older, veteran co-worker that when I grew up, I wanted to be just like him.  He looked at me and said, "Well, you appear to be grown up and---------------
You didn't make it."

Larryj