another slice of wry

[pamsback]

LOL! I still catch myself hummin the Smurf song when I least expect it

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------------------------------------------

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.  His roommate is longtime resident who looks 100 years old.  The new man looks at the old timer inquiringly.

The old timer says, "Look at me - I'm old and worn out.  I suppose you'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley - I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants all over France."

The new man asked, "Geez, what happened?"

"Well, one day, Riley finally reported his credit cards missing."

____________________________________________

BOOM!  BOOM!  The walls shake, the windows rattle,----------------------------earthquake?  No, space shuttle landing.

____________________________________________

Larryj

[Jo McDonald]

 


Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.'
   
Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.   
A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'
 
'Who is it?', asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'
   
'Barb -- it's me, Rose.'
   
'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'

'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice.
 
'Rose! Where are you?'
   
'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news,


and a little bad news.'
 
'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.
 
'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always Springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.'
 
'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams!
So what's the bad news?'

'You're pitching Tuesday.'






 

[Judy Harder]

    Love it!

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------------------A little late, couldn't sign on this morning.

A young woman meets her elderly retired, parish priest and when he asks her how she is, she bursts out crying. 

"What's the matter, child?"  he asks.

"Oh Father," she says, "it's my boyfriend.  He won't marry me because I'm Roman Catholic."

"There, there, my child.  Here is what you do.  Explain to him the faith of the Church, the traditions, the ceremonies and the rites.  That'll bring him around."

Wiping her eyes, the young woman says she'll do just that.  About a year later, they meet again, and again, she bursts into tears when he asks how she is doing.

"Is it your boyfriend, child?" he asks.  "Yes, Father."

"Well, did you explain to him about the church like I told you to."

"Yes, Father," she says, "but that was the problem.  He was so excited about it that he's studying to become a priest. "                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

______________________________________________

In 1959, Elvis Presley first met his future bride, a 14-year-old Priscilla Beaulieu, while stationed in West Germany with the U.S. Army.  (They married in 1967, but divorced in 1973).

______________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------------------------------------Are you ready, Groaners?

"How's your new pet fish doing?' Hal asked Fred.  "You told me he was really something special."

"To tell you the truth, I'm sort of disappointed with him.  The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird...."

"Wait a minute," Hal said, "you bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I can't believe it."

"Well," Fred said, somewhat defensively, "after all, he IS a parrot fish."

"I hate to tell you this,"  Hal said, "but while you might be able to teach a parrot BIRD to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot-FISH."

"Aha, that's what you think!  He can sing all right.  The thing is, he is constantly singing off-key.  That's what driving me crazy..............................after all, do you have any idea how hard it is to--------------------------------------------------------------------------

tuna fish?"

___________________________________________________

Larryj

[flo]

LOL - I was not expecting that ending.

[Judy Harder]

HA HA HA!.........that was good!

[sixdogsmom]

That was a big ten on the groan factor list! Ha! 

[Wilma]

That's a groan and a snicker.