another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Due to circumstances beyond my control, there may or may not be an entry for today.  Our local electric power company has chosen, albeit unwisely, this day as the day to close down the neighborhood and the only street in to do maintenance such as replacing poles, wires and transformers.  All of this requires a crane which takes up a lot of room.  All computers and TVs must be unplugged to prevent damage when the power comes back on.  Why unwisely?  We babysit our two oldest granddaughters today and today is our trash pickup day.  We have three separate trash cans, trash, recyclables and green, picked up by three separate trash trucks.  I wonder how they are going to do that?

Anyway, we will go to our daughter's house shortly and spend the day there.  We can take the girls to their schools, etc.  And we need to do some major shopping.  R.A.M.B.O. and Sir Charles will protect the property, well, at least the back yard.........yeah, right. 

Have a good day, everybody!

Larryj

[Mom70x7]

Life isn't boring, is it!        

[larryJ]

Whew!  What a day!  We arrived at our daughter's house at 7:15 AM in time to take #1 to school by 8.  I went back to take #2 to her preschool at 9.  I picked up #2 at 12:30 and then took her and my wife to her speech class at 2 PM and went on to pick up #1 at 2:20.  We came back to our daughter's house and the kids played outside.  While I was away picking up #2 from preschool, there was some action at the house.  Apparently, a car came flying down their dead end street and four guys jumped out and jumped over the gates on both sides of the house and then over the back wall.  A neighbor saw this and a young woman driving the car and called the police after noting the license number.  By the time I got back everything was over.  In going from #1's school back to the speech class, we noticed a car pulled over by the police and a young woman sitting on the curb handcuffed.  I don't know if these are the same people from earlier.  I tried to take a nap while everyone was outside playing, but couldn't seem to do it.  Finally arrived home around 7 PM.  A long day.  I replugged and rebooted all TVs and cable receivers, reset all the electric digital clocks, rescued R.A.M.B.O. and Sir Charles from the backyard and now am having a very late afternoon with a coffee and watching the Lakers.

You are right.  Life isn't boring.  I could use a little boring............

Larryj

[Ms Bear]

When I lived in Oxnard, CA my neighbor was always gripping about how much work it too to take care of all her rose bushes and I wondered why she had that many.  One day some kids got caught breaking into a nearby house and they jumped my fence and then jumped the next fence, landed right in the rose bushes and by they time they got untangled the german shepherd had them.  They waited very patiently for the police to escort them out of her yard.  She said "I knew they would do the job".  The next day, we planted roses.

[larryJ]

Yesterday's------never too late for a joke.........

Victor the Ventriloquist and his dummy Jimmy were booked for series of shows at a dive in the Deep South.  Perhaps Victor the Ventriloquist honestly believed that local audiences would enjoy laughing at themselves.  Or maybe he knew very well he was taking his chances, but decided to do it anyway.

At any rate, he peppered his opening night act with redneck jokes.  Jimmy the dummy told one insulting Billy Bob story after another.

It didn't go well.

Finally, a man near the front stood up and said, "My name is Billy Bob, and I've heard just about one too many redneck jokes for one night.  You take us for fools.  You're rude, sir.  And, you're not funny.  Plus, you're ugly, too."

Victor said, "I'm very sorry you're so easily offended.  I guess you don't know a joke when you hear one.  I apologize for misjudging you."

Billy Bob said, "I'm not talking to you, sir.  I'm talking to the little fellow seated on you lap."

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In 1513, Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted present-day Florida.

In 1794, Congress approved "An Act to provide a Naval Armament" of six armed ships.

In 1836, the first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, Ohio.

In 1912, first lady Helen Herron Taft and the wife of Japan's ambassador to the United States, Viscountess Chinda, planted the first two of 3,000 cherry trees given as a gift by the mayor of Tokyo on the north bank of Washington, D.C.'s Tidal Basin.

In 1942, American servicemen were granted free mailing privileges.

In 1964, Alaska was hit by a powerful earthquake and tsunamis that killed about 130 people.

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Yesterday (March 27)----Former newspaper columnist Anthony Lewis is 85, Dance company director Arthur Mitchell is 78, Actor Julian Glover is 77, Actor Jerry Lacy is 76, Actor Austin Pendleton is 72, Actor Michael York is 70 and Rock musician Tony Banks (Genesis) is 62.

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March 27th is:  American Diabetes Alert Day, Celebrate Exchange Day, Education and Sharing Day, Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day and Viagra Day.

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Quip for the day..........Redneck's last words...............Y'all hold my beer and watch this!

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------hah..........

We were dining in our favorite restaurant in all of Southern California when a gentleman stood up from an nearby table and approached our table.  He greeted us, then directed a question to my wife.

"Excuse me," he said, "but my wife over there loves your sandals and wonders if you bought them locally."

"Yes," my wife answered him.  "Just down the street, as a matter of fact."

"May I ask you how much they cost?"

"They were $177."

"Thank you," the gentleman said, then turned and hollered to his wife:  "She bought them in Florida!"

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In 1898, the Supreme Court, in United States v. Wong Kim Ark, ruled that a child born in the United States to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen.

In 1969, the 34th president of the United States, Dwight D. Eisenhower, died in Washington, D.C., at age 78.

In 1978, in Stump v. Sparkman, the U.S. Supreme Court upheld, 5-3, the judicial immunity of an Indiana judge against a lawsuit brought by a young woman who'd been ordered sterilized by the judge when she was a teenager.

In 1979, America's worst commercial nuclear accident occurred inside the Unit 2 reactor at the Three Mile Island plant near Middletown, PA.

In 1990, President George H.W. Bush presented the Congressional Gold Medal to the widow of U.S. Olympic legend Jesse Owens, for his "humanitarian contributions in the race of life."

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Today-------------Former White House national security adviser Zbigniew Brzezinski is 84, Country musician Charlie McCoy is 71, Movie director Mike Newell is 70, Actress Conchata Ferrell is 69, Actor Ken Howard is 68 and Actress Dianne Wiest is 64.

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March 28th is:  Barnum & Bailey Day and Weed Appreciation Day.

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Quip for the day...........Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------oops.........

A bright, ambitious young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 PM when he spotted the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand  and a perplexed look on his face.

"Everything OK?" he asked the boss.

The CEO replied, "Thank Heaven you're still here.  I need your help.  This is a very, very sensitive document and it needs immediate attention.  My secretary is gone for the day.  Can you make this darn machine work?"

The engineer said, "Certainly!"  He took the sheet of paper from his boss, inserted it correctly into the shredder, entered the code, then pressed "Start."

"Excellent; excellent," the CEO said as the document disappeared into the machine.  "I just need one copy."

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In 1951, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage.  (They were executed in June 1953.)

In 1971, a jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty for Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 Tate-La Bianca murders.  (The sentences were later commuted.)

In 1973, the last United States combat troops left South Vietnam, ending America's direct military involvement in the Vietnam War.

In 1992, Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton acknowledged experimenting with marijuana "a time or two" while attending Oxford University, adding, "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again."

In 1992, more than a month after winning the Olympic Gold Medal in ladies figure skating, Kristi Yamaguchi won the world championship title in Oakland.

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Today-------Political commentator John McLaughlin is 85, Author Judith Guest is 76, Comedian Eric Idle is 69, Composer Vangelis is 69, Basketball Hall-of-Famer Walt Frazier is 67 and Singer Bobby Kimball (Toto) is 65.

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March 29th is:  Knights of Columbus Founders Day, National Mom And Pop Business Owners Day, Niagara Falls Runs Dry Day and Texas Loves The Children Day.

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Quip for the day......A computer DOES save time at work.  I can play solitaire without having to spend all that time shuffling cards.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------another oops.....

My boss phoned me today, and there was an urgent tone in his voice that grabbed my attention.  He said, "Is everything OK at the office?"

I answered, "Yes, everything's under control.  It's been an extremely busy day, but I'm on top of it.  Don't worry.  I've got it covered."

My boss said, "Can you do me one favor?"

I replied, "Certainly.  Just tell me what it is."

My boss said, "Please speed it up a little, would you?  I'm in the foursome right behind you!"

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In 1822, Florida became a United States territory.

In 1964, John Glenn withdrew from the Ohio race for the U.S. Senate because of injuries suffered in a fall.

In 1964, the original version of the TV game show "Jeopardy!", hosted by Art Fleming, premiered on NBC.

In 1981, President Ronald Reagan was shot and seriously injured in an assassination attempt outside a Washington, D.C., hotel by John W. Hinckley, Jr.  Wounded along with Reagan were his press secretary, James Brady, Secret Service agent Timothy McCarthy, and District of Columbia police officer Thomas Delahanty.

In 1986, actor James Cagney died at his farm in Stanfordville, N.Y., at age 86.

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Today----------Game show host Peter Marshall is 86, Actor Richard Dysart is 83, Actor John Astin is 82, Entertainer Rolf Harris (Song: "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport") is 82, Actor-director Warren Beatty is 75, Rock musician Graeme Edge (The Moody Blues) is 71, Rock musician Eric Clapton is 67, Actor Justin Deas (TV: "Guiding Light") is 64 and Actor Robby Coltrane is 62.

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March 30th is:  Doctors Day, Grass Is Always Browner On The Other Side Of The Fence Day and Pencil Day.

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Quip for the day...........After examining the contents of the employee suggestion box, the senior partner complained, "I wish the employees would be more specific.  What kind of kite?  What lake?"

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------old, funny.......

Four contractors are at the Washington Monument, submitting bids to a government official for repairs of a fence.

A contractor from Maine does measurements and works some figures with a pencil.  "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900.  That's $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

A Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, the says, "I can do this job for $800."

A Montana contractor  measures and figures and says, "I'll do it for $700."

A Chicago contractor leans over to the government official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys!  How did you come up with such a high figure?"

Chicago contractor:  "$1000 for you, $1000 for me, and we hire the guy from Montana to fix the fence."

Official:  "Deal!"

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In 1932, Ford Motor Co. publicly unveiled its powerful flathead V8 engine; while not the first eight-cylinder engine, it was the first to be affordable to the general public, and proved very popular.

In 1968, President Lyndon B. Johnson stunned the country by announcing at the conclusion of a broadcast address on Vietnam that he would not seek re-election.

In 1976, the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that Karen Ann Quinlan, who was in a persistent vegetable state, could be disconnected from her respirator.  (Quinlan, who remained unconscious, died in 1985.)

In 1995, Mexican-American singer Selena Quintanilla-Perez, 23, was shot to death in Corpus Christi, Texas, by the founder of her fan club, Yolanda Saldivar, who was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison.

In 2005, Terri Schiavo, 41, died at a hospice in Pinellas Park, Florida, 13 days after her feeding tube was removed in a wrenching right-to-die dispute.

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Today------Actress Peggy Rea is 91, Actor William Daniels is 85, Hockey Hall-of-Famer Gordie Howe is 84, Actor Richard Chamberlain is 78, Actress Shirley Jones is 78, Country singer-songwriter John D. Loudermilk is 78, Musician Herb Alpert is 77, Comedian Gabe Kaplan is 67, Former Vice-President Al Gore is 64, Author David Eisenhower is 64, Actress Rhea Perlman is 64, Actor Ed Marinaro is 62 and Actor Christopher Walken is 69.

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March 31st is:  Bunsen Burner Day, National "She's Funny That Way" Day, National Love Our Children Day and Terri's Day.

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Quip for the day...............I just got lost in thought.  It was unfamiliar territory.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------it's Sunday.......

The separation of church and state was strictly observed in one old town of long ago because, you see, the parish priest and the sheriff didn't care for one another.

The sheriff was too worldly for the priest, and the sheriff thought the priest was stuck-up and stuffy.

One morning the priest looked out the window and noticed there was a dead donkey on the front lawn.  He called the sheriff.

"Hello, Sheriff Penfold.  This is Father Keith.  I'm afraid there's a dead donkey on the church lawn."

The sheriff replied, "I'm sorry to hear it, Father, but I'm not sure how I can help you.  Aren't you the expert when it comes to administering last rites?"

The priest, irritated, bit his tongue for a moment, but then said, "You're right.  But I am also obliged to notify the next of kin."

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In 1853, Cincinnati, Ohio, established a fire department made up of paid city employees.

In 1939, the United States recognized the government of Gen. Francisco Franco in Spain, the same day Franco went on radio to declare victory in the Spanish Civil War.

In 1945, American forces launched the amphibious invasion of Okinawa during World War II.

In 1972, the first Major League Baseball player's strike began; it lasted 12 days.

In 1976, Apple Computer was founded by Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak and Ronald Wayne.

In 1984, recording star Marvin Gaye was shot to death by his father, Marvin Gaye, Sr., in Los Angeles, the day before his 45th birthday.  (The elder Gaye pleaded guilty to voluntary manslaughter and received probation.)

In 1987, in his first speech on the AIDS epidemic, President Ronald Reagan told doctors in Philadelphia, "We've declared AIDS public health enemy no. 1."

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Today-----Actress Jane Powell is 84, Actress Grace Lee Whitney is 82, Actress Debbie Reynolds is 78, Country singer Jim Ed Brown is 78, Actor Don Hastings is 78, Blues singer Eddie King is 74, Actress Ali MacGraw is 74, Rhythm-and-Blues singer Rudolph Isley is 73, Reggae singer Jimmy Cliff is 64, Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is 62, Rock musician Billy Currie (Ultravox) is 62 and Actress Annette O'Toole is 60.

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April 1st is:  April Fools or All Fools Day, Athiest Day, Boomer Bonus Day, International Tatting Day, International Tongue Twister Day, Library Snapshot Day, National Fun Day, Palm Sunday, Poetry And The Creative Mind Day, Reading Is Funny Day, Sorry Charlie Day, St. Stupid Day and U.S. Air Force Academy Day.

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Quip for the day.........sign at a church:  "If you are headed in the wrong direction, God allows u-turns."

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Larryj