another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's------------------sounds familiar, maybe a repeat..............

The city slicker had a terrifying experience that made him fear for his life.  He decided to try riding a horse.  He managed to saddle  up OK, but then the horse started bucking and trying throw him off.

The city slicker tried with all his might to hang on, but eventually he slid off his mount.  Unfortunately, his foot became caught in the stirrup.  His head and shoulders were bouncing on the ground.  He screamed and yelled for help.  The horse would not slow down or stop.

Just as the city slicker was about to give up hope for his life ------  a thoughtful K-Mart manager came out and pulled the plug.

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In 1933, the United States and the Soviet Union established diplomatic relations.

In 1959, the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical "The Sound of Music" opened on Broadway.

In 1960, Academy Award-winning actor Clark Gable died in Los Angeles at age 59.

In 1973, Skylab 4, carrying a crew of three astronauts, was launched from Cape Canaveral on an 84-day mission.

In 1981, the Senate confirmed Dr. C. Everett Koop to be surgeon general.
And, Oscar-winning actor William Holden, 63, was found dead in his Santa Monica apartment.
And, on the ABC-TV soap opera "General Hospital," Laura Webber (played by Genie Francis) married Luke Spencer (played by Anthony Geary.)

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Today-------------Actor Clu Gulager is 83, Blues musician Hubert Sumlin is 80, Journalist Elizabeth Drew is 76, Blues musician W.C. Clark is 72, Actor Steve Railsback is 66, Actor David Leisure is 61 and Actor Miguel Sandoval is 60.

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November 16th is:  International Day For Tolerance and National Educational Support Professionals Day.

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Larryj                     

[larryJ]

Today's------------old..........gonna find a new source.............

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door  The man gets up, goes to the door, then returns in a moment and gets back in bed.

"It was just a drunk," he tells his wife.  "He said he needed a push."

"Did you help him?"

"No.  I told him to get lost.  It's 3 in the morning and it's pouring rain.  And the guy is drunk."

"That's not very charitable.  Remember, God loves drunks, too."

The man, ashamed, gets up, gets dressed, goes out in the pounding rain and calls, "Hello, are you still here?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes."

"Where are you?"

"Over here on the swing."

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In 1934, Lyndon Baines Johnson married Claudia Alta Taylor, better known as Lady Bird, in San Antonio, Texas.

In 1973, President Richard M. Nixon told Associated Press managing editors in Orlando, Florida:  "People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook.  Well, I'm not a crook."

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Today------------Singer Gordon Lightfoot is 73, Singer-songwriter Bob Gaudio is 70, Movie director Martin Scorsese is 69, Actress Lauren Hutton is 68, "Saturday Night Live" producer Lorne Michaels is 67, Baseball Hall-of-Famer Tom Seaver is 67, Former Democratic National Chairman Howard Dean is 63, House Speaker John Boehner is 62, Actor Stephen Root is 60 and Actor Danny Devito is 67.

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November 17th is:  World Prematurity Awareness Day, Guinness World Record Day, Homemade Bread Day, Great American Smokeout, Geographic Information Systems Day and National Unfriend Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------Golden quotations................

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.
John Adams

Suppose you were an idiot.  And suppose you were a member of Congress.  But then, I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul
George Bernard Shaw

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
James Bovard

I don't make jokes.  I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
Thomas Jefferson

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the major ones to public office.
Aesop

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In 1928, Walt Disney's first sound-synchronized animated cartoon "Steamboat Willie" starring Mickey Mouse premiered in New York.

In 1966, U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against eating meat on Fridays outside of Lent.

In 1978, U.S. Rep. Leo J. Ryan, D-CA, and four others were killed in Jonestown, Guyana, by members of the Peoples Temple; the killings were followed by a night of mass murder and suicide by more than 900 cult members.

In 1987, the congressional Iran-Contra committees issued their final report, saying President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides.

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Today-------------Actress Brenda Vaccaro is 72, Author-Poet Margaret Atwood is 72, Actress Linda Evans is 69, Country singer Jackie Ward is 65, Actress-singer  Andrea Marcovicci is 63 and Singer  Graham Parker is 61.

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November 18th is:  Married To A Scorpio Support Day, Mickey Mouse Day and Push-Button Phone Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------probably gonna get slapped for this one....................

This guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.  There are two sheriff's deputies there.

"Is there a problem?" the guy asks.

One of the deputies asks, "Are you married?"

"Yes."

"Can you show us a picture of your wife?"

"Sure," the guy says.  He pulls out his wallet and shows the deputies a picture of his wife.

The deputy says, "I'm terribly sorry to tell you this, sir, but it appears your wife has been hit by a truck."

The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality and she's an excellent cook."

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In 1863, President Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address as he dedicated a national cemetery at the sire of the Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania.

In 1919, the Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles by a vote of 55 in favor, 39 against, short of the two-thirds needed for ratification.

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Today-------------Actor Alan Young is 92, Talk show host Larry King is 78, Talk show host Dick Cavett is 75, Broadcasting and sports mogul Ted Turner is 73, Singer Pete Moore is 72, Actor Dan Haggerty is 70, Fashion designer Calvin Klein is 69 and Sportscaster Ahmad Rashad is 62.

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November 19th is:  Family Volunteer Day, Equal Opportunity Day (aka Gettysburg Address Day), Use Less Stuff Day, National Adoption Day, National Day of Play, National Survivors of Suicide Day and World Toilet Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------third grader..............

Two young boys are talking about Thanksgiving.

Willy:  "Where are you going to have Thanksgiving dinner?"
Billy:  "We're going to my Aunt's house, and I can hardly wait.  My cousin has three feet!"
Willy:  "You're kidding."
Billy:  "No, it's true."
Willy:  "How did that happen?"
Billy:  "I don't know.  My Aunt and my Mom were talking on the telephone and my Aunt said, "By the way, you won't recognize little Howie any more.  He's grown another foot!"

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In 1959, the United Nations issued its Declaration of the Rights of the Child.

In 1967, the U.S. Census Bureau's Population Clock at the Commerce Department ticked past 200 million.

In 1969, the Nixon administration announced a halt to residential use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase-out.

In 1985, the first version of Microsoft's Windows operating system, Windows 1.0, was officially released.

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Today-----------------Nobel Prize-winning author Nadine Gordimer is 88, Actress-comedian Kaye Ballard is 86, Actress Estelle Parsons is 84, TV personality Richard Dawson is 79, Comedian Dick Smothers is 73, Singer Norman Greenbaum is 69, Vice President Joe Biden is 69, Actress Veronica Hamel is 68, Broadcast journalist Judy Woodruff is 65, Singer Joe Walsh is 64 and Actor Richard Masur is 63.

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November 20th is:  African Industrialization Day, Children's Day, Name Your PC Day, Globally Organized Hug A Runner Day and World Day Of Remembrance For Road Traffic Victims.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------Thanksgiving quotations......................

Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare.  They are consumed in 12 minutes.  Halftime of the football game on TV takes 12 minutes.  This is not coincidence.
Erma Bombeck

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving.  Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan.  You get more stuffing.
George Carlin

Thanksgiving, man.  Not a good day to be my pants.
Kevin James

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In 1922, Rebecca L. Felton of Georgia was sworn in as the first woman to serve in the U.S. Senate.

In 1931, the Universal horror film "Frankenstein," starring Boris Karloff as the monster and Colin Clive as his creator, was first released.

In 1973, President Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt, revealed the existence of an 18-1/2-minute gap in one of the White House tape recordings related to Watergate.

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Today-------------Baseball Hall-of-Famer Stan Musial is 91, Actor Joseph Campanella is 84, Actress Marlo Thomas is 74, Actor Rick Lenz is 72, Singer Dr. John is 71, Actress Juliet Mills is 70, Basketball Hall-of-Famer Earl Monroe is 67, Comedian-director Harold Ramis is 67, Actress Goldie Hawn is 66 and Rock musician Lonnie Jordan (War) is 63.

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November 21st is:  World Hello Day, World Television Day and Alascattalo Day (about Alaska and humor).

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------sounds logical, I think................

Two pilgrims are hunting.  One carries two muskets.

Caleb:  "Why dost thou carry two muskets, Goodman Miles?"

Miles:  "Alas, it doth often happen that I miss my first shot.  If I carry two muskets, I mayest shoot again."

Caleb:  "Why dost thou not carry thy second musket only?  Then thou wouldest have to shoot but once."

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In 1935, a flying boat, the China Clipper, took off from Alameda, California, carrying more than 100,000 pieces of mail on the first trans-Pacific airmail flight.

In 1963, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated during a motorcade in Dallas; Texas Governor John B. Connally was seriously wounded.  A suspect, Lee Harvey Oswald, was arrested.

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Today------------Movie director Arthur Hiller is 88, Actor Robert Vaughn is 79, Actor Michael Callan is 76, Animator and movie director Terry Gilliam is 71, Actor Tom Conti is 70, Singer Jesse Colin Young is 70, Astronaut Guion Bluford is 69, International Tennis Hall-of-Famer Billie Jean King is 68, Rock musician-actor Steve Van Zandt (a.k.a. Little Steven) is 61, Rock musician Tina Weymouth is 61 and Retired MLB All-Star Greg Luzinski is 61.

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November 22nd is:  Humane Society Anniversary Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------more Thanksgiving............

Q:  How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
A:  One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

Q:  What are unhappy cranberries called?
A:  Blueberries!

Q:  How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
A:  He was very thinkful.

Q:  What did the mother turkey say to he unruly children?
A:  If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

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In 1889, the first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at the Palais Royale Saloon.

In 1936, Life, the photojournalism magazine created by Henry R. Luce, was first published.

In 1943, during World War II, U.S. forces seized control of Tarawa and Makin Atolls from the Japanese.

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Today--------------Former Labor Secretary William E. Brock is 81, Actress Elmarie Wendell is 79, Actor Franco Nero is 70, Actress Susan Anspach is 69, Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas is 67, Actor-comedy writer Bruce Vilanch is 64 and Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-NY, is 61.

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November 23rd is:  Dr. Who Day, Fibonacci Day and Tie One On Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------annual Thanksgiving joke.........

HOW TO COOK A TURKEY

Step 1:  Go buy a turkey.
Step 2:  Return home, take a drink of whiskey.
Step 3:  Put turkey in the oven.
Step 4:  Take another drink of whiskey.
Step 5:  Turn the oven to 375 degrees.
Step 6:  Take another drink of whiskey.
Step 7:  Turk the bastey.
Step 8:  Whiskey another bottle of get.
Step 9:  Ponder the meat thermometer.
Step 10:  Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.
Step 11:  Bake the whiskey for 4 hours.
Step 12:  Take the oven out of the turkey.
Step 13:  Floor the turkey up off the pick.
Step 14:  Turk the carvey.
Step 15:  Get yourself another scottle of botch.
Step 16:  Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.

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In 1963, Jack Ruby shot and mortally wounded Lee Harvey Oswald, the accused assassin of President Kennedy, in a scene captured on live television.

In 1971, a hijacker calling himself "Dan Cooper" (but who became popularly known as "D.B. Cooper") parachuted from a Northwest Orient Airlines 727 somewhere over the Pacific Northwest after receiving $200,000 in ransom --  his fate remains unknown.

In 1991, rock singer Freddie Mercury died in London at age 45 of AIDS-related pneumonia.

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Today-------------Basketball Hall-of-Famer Oscar Robertson is 73, Country singer Johnny Carver is 71, Former NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue is 71, Rock and Roll drummer Pete Best (originally with the Beatles before they became famous) is 70, Rock musician Donald "Duck" Dunn (Booker T. and the MG's) is 70, Actor-comedian Billy Connolly is 69, Singer Lee Michaels is 66, Actor Dwight Schultz is 64 and Actor Stanley Livingston is 61.

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November 24th is:  Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day, D.B. Cooper Day, Turkey-free Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving.

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Larryj

[W. Gray]

In reference to D.B. Cooper, a news release of about three hours ago maintains that a Cooper Research Team (CRT) had found more evidence on the tie left behind by Cooper on the hijacked plane. Their find indicated very small traces of pure titanium, and also aluminum, stainless steel and minute particles of bismuth.

Supposedly, this find would channel the FBI onto new avenues of investigation.

The FBI allowed the private team to examine the tie.