another slice of wry

[Diane Amberg]

Whooo serves the food on a haunted airliner?


The airplane ghostess.

[larryJ]

Today's-------------too funny...............

Eight-year-old Dexter was full of mischief and misbehavior.  He was incorrigible.  His distraught parents begged their church pastor to intervene.  The minister agreed, and arrived at the house the next day, asking to speak with Dexter alone.

"Dexter," he began, "I've come from the church to visit with you.  You know where the church is, don't you?"

Dexter made no reply.

"Young man, I'm certain you can tell me where the church is."

No reply.

"I'll ask you one more time.  Where is the church?"

Dexter jumped to his feet, bolting from the room and ran to the kitchen where his anxious parents were waiting.

"Help me!" he cried, diving under the table.

"What's going on?" his father demanded.

Dexter whimpered, "The church is missing, and they think I did it!"

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In 1910, Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a public solo airplane flight, reaching an altitude of 12 feet at a park in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

In 1915, tens of thousands of women marched in New York City, demanding the right to vote.

In 1941, the Walt Disney animated feature "Dumbo" premiered in New York.

In 1973, President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over White House tape recordings subpoenaed by the Watergate special prosecutor to Judge John J. Sirica.

In 1983, 241 U.S. service members, most of them Marines, were killed in a suicide truck-bombing at Beirut International Airport in Lebanon; a near-simultaneous attack of French forces killed 58 paratroopers.

In 1995, a jury in Houston convicted Yolanda Saldivar of murdering Tejano singing star Selena.  (Saldivar is serving a life prison sentence.)

In 2006, Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling was sentenced by a federal judge in Houston to 24 years, four months for his role in the company's collapse.

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Today-----------Movie director Philip Kaufman is 75, Soccer great Pele is 71, R&B singer Barbara Ann Hawkins is 68 and Actor Michael Rupert is 60.

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October 23rd is:  IPod Day, Mother-in-Law Day and National Mole Day.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

What is a witch's favorite fish?

spookled trout.

[larryJ]

Today's---------------still more (cringe) Halloween Q&A.............

Q:  What's the mummy's favorite kind of music?
A:  Wrap.

Q:  Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A:  Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q:  Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A:  He didn't have a haunting license.

Q:  Why won't skeletons go to scary movies?
A:  They have no guts.

Q:  Why do witches fly on brooms?
A:  Vacuum cleaners are too heavy.

Q:  Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A:  No, they eat the fingers separately.

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In 1940, the 40-hour work week went into effect under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938.

In 1987, 30 years after it was expelled, the Teamsters Union was welcomed back into the AFL-CIO.  (However, the Teamsters disaffiliated themselves from the AFL-CIO in 2005.)

In 1991, "Star Trek" creator Gene Roddenberry died in Santa Monica at age 70.

In 2001, The House narrowly passed a $100 billion economic stimulus package.
And, O.J. Simpson was acquitted in Miami of grabbing another driver's glasses and scratching the man's face in a road-rage argument.

In 2005, American officials unveiled a timeline for Iraq's Shite-led government to take specific steps to calm Baghdad and said more U.S. troops might be needed to quell the bloodshed.

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Today-------------Football Hall-of-Famer Y.A. Tittle is 85, Rock musician Bill Wyman is 75, Movie director-screenwriter David S. Ward is 66, Actor Kevin Kline is 64, Former NAACP President Kweisi Mfume is 63 and Actor F. Murray Abraham is 72.

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October 24th is:  United Nations Day, World Development Information Day and Lung Health Day.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

What Howl-ooo-ween play did Shake-spear write? Roooo-me-oooo and Gouliet!

[larryJ]

Today's-------------hah............

The prospective patient asked the doctor, "Do you guarantee results in your treatment of nerves?"

The doctor answered, "Are you kidding?  Last week I treated a fellow for nerves and when I was done he slapped me on the back, called me by my first name and asked if he could borrow 50 bucks!"

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In 1910, "America the Beautiful," with words by Katharine Lee Bates and music by Samuel A. Ward, was first published.

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Today------------------Former American League President Dr. Bobby Brown is 87, Actress Jeanne Cooper is 83, Actress Marion Ross is 83, Country singer Jeanne Black is 74, Basketball Hall-of-Famer Bobby Knight is 71, Rock singer Jon Anderson is 67, Political strategist James Carville is 67 and Rock musician Glenn Tipton is 64.

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October 25th is:  Sourest Day and XTERRA World Championships.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

What does the rooster say at sunrise on Halloween?
Cocka-doodle- boo!

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------so there.............

The henpecked son bought his mother a cemetery plot as a birthday present.  She complained about it all year long.

When her next birthday rolled around, she was surprised to receive nothing from him.

"Well, I am disappointed," she told him.  "I was expecting you to give something very nice this year, but you forgot my birthday entirely."

The son replied, "I didn't forget.  I decided not to give you a gift this year, since you never used the one I got you last year."

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In 1861, the legendary Pony Express officially ceased operations, giving way tot he transcontinental telegraph.  (The last run of the Pony Express was completed the following month.)

In 1881, the "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral" took place in Tombstone, Arizona.

In 1972, national security adviser Henry Kissinger declared, "Peace is at hand," in Vietnam.

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Today--------------Former Sen. Edward Brooke III, R-Mass., is 92, Actress Shelley Morrison is 75, Actor Bob Hoskins is 69, Author Pat Conroy is 66, Actress Jaclyn Smith is 66, TV host Pat Sajak is 65, Singer Maggie Roche (The Roches) is 60, Musician Bootsy Collins is 60 and U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is 64.

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October 26th is:  Diwali, Mule Day and Perigan Spring Tides.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

If you break your Jack O' Lantern, how do you repair it? 

With a pumpkin patch.

[larryJ]

Today's-------------ouch.............

A man placed flowers on his wife's grave.  As he straightened and turned to leave, he heard the sounds of moaning and wailing coming from nearby.

Investigating, he found a distraught man on his knees in front of a grave, knotting and unknotting his hands and weeping tears on the ground.  He cried, "Why did you die?  Oh, why, why, why did you have to die?"

Touched by the sight, the first man went over to console the second man.

"My wife is buried right over there," he said, gesturing behind him.  "Is it your wife you're mourning?"

The second man, still sobbing, shook his head and said, "No, it's my wife's first husband."

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In 1787, the first of the Federalist Papers, a series of essays calling for ratification of the United States Constitution, was published.

In 1811, inventor Isaac Merritt Singer, founder of the sewing machine company that bears his name, was born in Pittstown, NY.

In 1858, the 26th president of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, was born in New York City.

In 1880, Theodore Roosevelt married his first wife, Alice Lee.

In 1938, Du Pont announced a name for its new synthetic yarn: "nylon."

In 1947, "You Bet Your Life," starring Groucho Marx, premiered on ABC Radio.  (It later became a television show on NBC.)

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Today-------------Actress Nanette Fabray is 91, Actress Ruby Dee is 87, Actor-comedian John Cleese is 72, Author Maxine Hong Kingston is 71, Country singer Lee Greenwood is 69, Country singer-musician Jack Daniels is 62, Rock musician Garry Tallent (Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band) is 62, Author Fran Lebowitz is 61, Rock musician K.K. Downing is 60 and TV personality Jayne Kennedy is 60.

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October 27th is:  Navy Day and Cranky Co-workers Day.

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Larryj