RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR A PERFECT MARRIAGE

[genealogynut]

(This was forwarded to me, and I am just passing it on.)

1.  Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.  She goes on Tuesdays and I go on Friday's.

2.  We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3.  I take my wife everywhere.........but she keeps finding her way back.

4.  I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.  So I suggested the kitchen.

5.  We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops.

6.  She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.  She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"  So I bought her an electric chair.

7.  My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was, she told me "in the lake."

8.  She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.

9.  She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?"...........The driver said "No, jump in!"

10.  Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11.  I married Miss Right.  I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12.  I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I don't like to interrupt her.

13.  The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked "What's on the TV?"  I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these???

[Wilma]

I think I did hear him say all that.

[genealogynut]

Yeah, I got a big shock a few years ago, when I was researching one family line........there is a very distant connection to him.   We always liked his little "Gertrude and Heathcliff" scenes.