Funny stuff.....

[Teresa]

I posted this last week Marcia..but I watched it all over again ..laughing just as hard.. LOL
I will merge this thread with the other one.

http://www.cascity.com/howard/forum/index.php/topic,5825.10.html

[Teresa]

Losing all your friends:
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

Brother wanted :
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,' send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....

Meaning of WIFE :
Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'

Confident vs. Confidential:
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? '
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '


Anger Management? :
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush '

[Teresa]

Thanksgiving Divorce

A man in  Jacksonville calls his son in  San Diego two days before Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin
your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,"
the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in
Denver and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she
shouts, "I'll take care of this,"

She calls  Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't
do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until
then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for
Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

[momof 2boys]

 FUNNY STUFF!!! I was needing a good laugh!  Thanks!

[Teresa]

This is just way too precious..

Ashley LOVES toads and frogs.. catches them all the time.. But...never stored them in this way as far as I know.. ....
hhahahahahahahahaa

[frawin]

Ray  & Bubba    ( mechanical engineers)  were  standing at the base of a flagpole, looking  up.   A  woman walked by and asked what they were  doing.


'We're  supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said  Bubba, 'but  we don't have a ladder.'

The  woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few  bolts,
and  laid the pole down.  Then she took a tape measure  from her pocket,  took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six  inches,'   and  walked away.   


Ray  shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a  woman!  We  ask for the height and she gives us the  length!' 
 
Bubba  and Ray are currently Senators in Washington D. C. . 
 
 

[Jo McDonald]

    An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.  Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.  One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.

    1. A Bible.

    2. A silver dollar.

    3. A bottle of whisky.

    4. And a Playboy magazine.

    'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

    If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!  If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.  if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.  And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.'

    The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

    The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.  With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

    Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.  He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.  He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

    'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered.   'He's gonna run for Congress.'

[pam]

  now THAT'S funny!

[Judy Harder]

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." 
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher"

[frawin]

JUDY, Judy, Judy, now that is badddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd. You come up with some good ones.
Frank