Every Day Light

[Judy Harder]

September 7

Are You a Manipulator?
For reading & meditation - John 15:9-17
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." (v. 12)
Yesterday we touched on what is perhaps the biggest single problem causing marital unhappiness - trying to get one's partner to meet needs that can only be fully met through a relationship with Jesus Christ. What happens if we do not allow God to meet our basic needs? We will try to get those needs met in some other way. Some people try to find satisfaction in achievement. This, however, fails to bring lasting satisfaction, and whenever their inner discomfort reaches the threshold of awareness, they anesthetize it with more activities, achievement, and work. Another way is to attempt to get these needs met in marriage. But if we enter marriage as a way of getting our needs met, then we consciously or unconsciously become involved in manipulating our partner to meet our needs. Instead of following the Christian vision of marriage, which is to minister to our partners from a position of security in Christ's love, we begin to manipulate them to meet our needs. Thousands of marriages, perhaps millions, are caught up in this treadmill - each trying to get their partner to meet the needs that only God can fully meet. The best way to get our needs met is to depend on God to meet them. When we lock into Him and focus on how much He loves and values us, and on His purpose for our lives, then and only then are we free to minister in the way He prescribes in His Word. Without that inner security, we become exposed and vulnerable to the likes or dislikes of our partner. We become puppets - not people.

Prayer: O my Lord and Master, take me in Your arms today and make me so conscious of Your love that I will no longer manipulate others to love me, but will minister to them with the love I already have. For Jesus' sake I ask it. Amen.

For Further Study
1 Cor. 13; Rom. 5:8; 8:35; 1 John 3:16
1. List fifteen qualities of love.
2. Is their emphasis on giving or getting?

[Judy Harder]

September 8

Making God More Meaningful
For reading & meditation - 1 John 4:7-21
"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." (v. 12)

We have been seeing over the past two days that the first principle to follow in healing the brokenness that comes through troubles in the home is to depend on the Lord to meet our basic needs. You might ask yourself: if the Lord can meet my needs for security, self-worth, and significance, why do I need a human partner at all? The answer to that question flows out of the next principle: In the relationship with your partner or your children, focus more on what you can give than what you can get. This can be exceedingly difficult, of course, if you are not allowing God to meet your needs, but once you are secure in Him, everything He asks you to do becomes possible. Assuming our needs for security, significance, and self-worth are being met in God, we are then in a position to fulfil God's true purpose for marriage, which is this: God, who is an invisible, intangible, eternal Being, has designed marriage to be a visible, tangible demonstration of the reality of His love as we minister love and consideration to one another. Just think of it - in marriage we have the marvelous privilege of demonstrating God's love to our partners in a way that they can feel, touch, and understand. Our love will not add to the fact of their security in Christ, but it will add to the degree to which they feel it. No wonder Martin Luther said that marriage was the greatest way God had of teaching us the truths about Himself. And the second greatest way? You've got it! The church!
Prayer: Father, to realize that I have the privilege of bringing the reality of Your love to others, and thus making You more real to them, is so incredible that it almost blows my mind! But I know it is true. Make me worthy of this privilege. For Jesus' sake. Amen
For Further Study
Matt. 10: 1-8; Luke 6:38; Prov. 11:25; Acts 20:35; 2 Cor. 9:6

1. What did Jesus teach His disciples?
2. How can you demonstrate this today?

[Judy Harder]

September 9

Accepting Your Partner
For reading & meditation - John 13:12-20
"... whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me ..." (v. 20)

The third principle for healing the brokenness that arises from troubles in the home only works if the previous two are clearly established: Accept your partner or your children, and don't just endure them. Too difficult? Look again at the verse at the top of this page, where we are instructed to accept each other just as God accepts us. And remember that when we supply the willingness, God supplies the power. There is quite a difference, of course, between accepting your partner and enjoying him or her; the former is a scriptural requirement, the latter is something that is dependent on their response and behavior. Marriage sometimes involves living with an irritating, infuriating, and obnoxious person: how can we accept such a person, let alone enjoy him or her? Acceptance does not mean that we have to enjoy everything our partner does: it means rather that we see our partner as someone to whom God wants us to minister, and we pursue that ministry whether we feel like it or not. Many Christians stumble over this. A lady who recently came through to victory on this point said to me, "But how can I accept my husband, who is nothing more than a loathsome, alcoholic pig?" I said, "It's impossible as long as you are depending on your husband to meet your need for security. Depend on God to meet that need, and then see what happens." She did so, and found that when she no longer depended on her husband to meet her security needs. she saw him in a completely new light. Then she had no difficulty in accepting him.
Prayer: O God, this sounds too good to be true. Can life?s difficulties be resolved so easily? Give me the courage not to dismiss anything until I've tried it, nor resist any principle that is in harmony with Your Word. Amen.
For Further Study
Eph. 5:21-33; 1:6; Rom. 15:7
1. How should the husband show his acceptance of his wife?
2. How should the wife show her acceptance of her husband?

[Judy Harder]

September 10



A Check-Up for Husbands
For reading & meditation - Ephesians 5:22-33
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church ..." (v. 25)

Over the next two days I want to establish two final principles for dealing with troubles in the home: one for the husbands and one for the wives. Today we begin with the men: Be prepared to give yourself a spiritual check-up on how you are doing as a husband. Cross out whichever answer does not apply. 1. Do you still "court" your wife with an unexpected gift of flowers or chocolates? (Anniversaries and birthdays not to be included) (YES/NO) 2. Are you careful never to criticize her in front of others? (YES/NO) 3. Do you make an effort to understand her varying feminine moods and help her through them? (YES/NO) 4. Do you depend on your wife to meet your basic personal needs? (YES/NO) 5. Do you pray together? (YES/NO) 6. Do you share at least half your recreation time with your wife and family? (YES/NO) 7. Are you alert for opportunities to praise and compliment her? (YES/NO) 8. Do you go to church together? (YES/NO) 9. Is she first in your life - after the Lord? (YES/NO) 10. Have you forgiven her for any hurts or problems she may have caused you? (YES/NO) A score of 7 to 10 yes responses - excellent! Below 7 yes answers - you've got some work ahead of you.
Prayer:

Father, You who have set us in families, help me to be the person You intend me to be, both in my marriage and in my home. This I ask in Jesus' Name. Amen.
For Further Study
Eccl. 9:1-9; Gen. 2:23-24; Col. 3:1-21; 1 Pet. 3:7
1. What does the word cleave (KJV) mean?
2. Why are our prayers often hindered?

[Judy Harder]

September 11
A Check-Up for Wives
For reading & meditation - 1 Peter 3:1-12
"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands ..." (v. 1)

Yesterday the men were asked to examine themselves using a simple questionnaire as to how they were doing as husbands. Today a similar opportunity is extended to wives. 1. Are you depending on the Lord to meet your basic needs for security, significance, and self-worth? (YES/NO) 2. Can you meet financial disasters bravely without condemning your husband for his mistakes, or comparing him unfavorably with others? (YES/NO) 3. Do you dress with an eye for your husband's likes and dislikes in color and style? (YES/NO) 4. Do you keep up your own personal prayer life so that you may meet everything that arises with poise? (YES/NO) 5. Do you avoid daydreaming or fantasizing about other men you might have married? (YES/NO) 6. Are you sensitive to your husband?s moods and feelings and know when, and when not, to bring up delicate issues? (YES/NO) 7. Do you respect your husband? (YES/NO) 8. Are you careful never to criticize your husband in front of others? (YES/NO) 9. Do you keep track of the day's news and what is happening in the world so that you can discuss these with your husband? (YES/NO) 10. Are you a "submissive" wife? (YES/NO) A score of 7 to 10 yes responses - excellent. Below 7 yes answers - it's decision time.

Prayer: My heavenly Father, I realize the tender relationships of home can be a shrine, or they can be a snarl. Keep my inner shrine from all wrong attitudes and from all worry. Let me approach today's challenge in the knowledge that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13, NKJV). Amen.

For Further Study
Prov. 31:10-31: 1 Tim. 3:11; Esther 1:20
1. What are the characteristics of a virtuous woman?
2. What do her children call her?

[Judy Harder]

September 12
When Broken by Stress
For reading & meditation - Psalm 71:1-24
"You have let me sink down deep in desperate problems. But you will bring me back to life again, up from the depths of the earth!" (v. 20, TLB)

Another major cause for brokenness in human life is stress. Often I get letters from people saying something like this: "I feel I am on the verge of a breakdown. No one thing seems to be responsible for it, but I just can't cope. My doctor says I am suffering from stress. Can the Bible meet this need?" I am bold to say that it can. God can take a person overcome by stress and build into their lives insights which will enable them to live above and beyond its paralyzing grip. What exactly is "stress"? One doctor defines it as "wear and tear on the personality which, if uncorrected, can result in a physical or mental breakdown." Donald Norfolk, a British osteopath who has made a special study of stress, claims that it comes from two main causes: too little change, or too much change. To function at peak efficiency, we all need a certain amount of change. However, when changes come too fast for us to cope with, the personality is put under tremendous stress. Dr. Thomas H. Holmes measures stress in terms of "units of change " For example, the death of a loved one measures 100 units, divorce 73 units, pregnancy 40 units, moving or altering a home 25 units, and Christmas 12 units. His conclusion is that no one can handle more than 300 units of stress in a twelve- month period without suffering physically or emotionally during the next two years. Holmes, of course, was speaking from a strictly human point of view - with God "all things are possible."

Prayer: Father, You have taught me much on how to turn my weaknesses into strengths. Teach me now how to handle stress. I cannot change my surroundings - but I can change my attitude. Help me to do this. For Jesus' sake. Amen.

For Further Study
Luke 10:38-42; Phil. 4:6; Ps. 127:2; Matt. 6:25
1. What was Jesus' response to Martha?
2. How did it differ from His response to Mary?

[Judy Harder]

September 13
What a Waste!
For reading & meditation - Philippians 4:1-13
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (v. 6)

We continue meditating on the principles we can use when our lives are threatened by stress: Recognize the symptoms of stress. No alarm bells ring in our homes or offices when we are suffering undue stress, but there are adequate warning signs. People under stress generally become irritable and overreact to relatively trivial frustrations. They show a change in their sleep patterns, and become increasingly tired and restless. They derive less pleasure from life, experience no joy while praying or reading the Bible, laugh less, and become plagued with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. They sometimes develop psychosomatic complaints such as tension headaches, indigestion and other things. Some people have what is known as "target organs" - physical organs that are the first to suffer when they are under stress. Harold Wilson confessed that whenever he had to fire a colleague, he suffered acute stomach pains. Henry Ford suffered cramps in his stomach whenever he had to make an important business decision. Trotsky, when under pressure, used to develop bouts of high temperature, and frequently had to spend time in the Crimea recuperating. One businessman I know always has a glass of milk on his desk from which he takes frequent sips in order to calm his nagging peptic ulcer. Are you able to recognize your own particular patterns of stress? You owe it to God and yourself to find out. The waste that goes on in Christian circles through believers channeling their energies into coping with stress, rather than into extending the kingdom of God, is appalling.

Prayer: O God, sharpen my ability to recognize the things I do that contribute to stress in my life, so that all my energies can be channeled into spiritual activity, not self-activity. For Jesus' sake. Amen

For Further Study
Luke 12:15-34; 2 Tim. 1:12; 2 Cor. 11:22-33; 12:7-10
1. What was the key to Paul's trust under stress?
2. List six reasons Jesus gave for not worrying about tomorrow.

[Judy Harder]

September 14
Stop and Smell the Roses
For reading & meditation - Matthew 6:25-34
"... Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow ..." (v. 28, RSV)

Another principle that helps us cope with stress is this: Seek to overcome any rigidity in your personality. You can best understand rigidity by comparing it with its opposite - flexibility. A more formal definition of rigidity is this: "The inability or refusal to change one's actions or attitudes even though objective conditions indicate that a change is desirable." The rigid person clings to certain ways of thinking and acting, even when they are injurious to the personality and burn up their emotional energy. Someone described it as similar to driving a car with the brakes on. Take the housewife who worries herself into a migraine attack because she cannot maintain a scrupulously tidy home while her grandchildren are visiting. Or the businessman who triggers off another gastric ulcer because he falls behind with his schedule when his secretary is away sick. Inflexible goals can be crippling fetters. It's no good saying, "But there are things that have to be done, and if I don't do them, they just won't get done." Perhaps you need to rearrange your priorities, adjust your lifestyle and learn to say Ono." As someone put it, "We must not drive so relentlessly forward that we cannot stop and smell the roses by the wayside." You may be caught up in the midst of one of the busiest weeks of your year, but pause for a moment and ask yourself: am I driving, or am I being driven? Am I in control of my personality, or is it in control of me? Today, decide to take a step away from rigidity by pausing to "smell a rose."

Prayer:
O God, I am now at grips with the raw material of living; out of it must come a person - Your person. Help me to be rigid only in relation to You, and flexible about everything else. For Jesus' sake. Amen.

For Further Study
Gen. 1; 2:1-3; Heb. 4:1-11; Ps. 37:7; Matt. 11:29
1. What was man's first day?
2. How can we enter into God's rest?

[Judy Harder]

September 15
Don't Push the River!
For reading & meditation - Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven ..." (v. 1)

Refuse to be obsessed with time. It is right to be concerned about time, but it is not right to be obsessed with it. Do you live life by the clock? Then you are a candidate for stress. When filmmakers want to create tension, they show a clock relentlessly ticking away. Such tactics are pointless when applied to the ordinary issues of everyday life. Nervous glances at a watch will generate tension when you are caught in traffic, but they will not make the traffic move any faster. Fretting will do nothing to alter the situation. So learn to relax, and do not become intimidated by time. Some people live life as if they are on a racing track, and set themselves rigid lap times for the things they want to accomplish during the day. Two motorists were given the task of driving for 1,700 miles. One was asked to drive as fast as he could without breaking any speed limits; the other was told to drive at any comfortable pace. At the end of their journeys, it was found that the faster driver had consumed ten gallons more gas and doubled the wear on his tires; by driving at a speed which, in the end, proved to be only two miles per hour faster than the other driver! A man said to me in a counseling session when I advised him to slow down: "The trouble is that I'm in a hurry - but God isn't!" Learn the wisdom of letting things develop at their own pace, and follow the maxim that says: "Don't push the river - let it flow."

Prayer: O Father, save me from being obsessed by time. Help me to see that I have all the time in the world to do what You want me to do. And when I am overconcerned, I am overwrought! Help me, dear Father. Amen.

For Further Study
Eph. 5:1-21; Col. 4:5; James 4:14
1. How can we redeem the time?
2. To what does James relate this?

[Judy Harder]

September 16
Keeping Fit for Jesus!
For reading & meditation - 1 Timothy 4:1-12
"... physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things ..." (v.

We spend one last day meditating on the ways by which we can overcome stress in our lives. This final principle is: engage in as much physical exercise as is necessary. One laboratory experiment took ten underexercised rats, and subjected them repeatedly to a variety of stresses: shock, pain, shrill noises, and flashing lights. After a month, every one of them had died through the incessant strain. Another group of rats was given a good deal of exercise until they were in peak physical condition. They were then subjected to the same battery of stresses and strains. After a month, not one had died. More and more Christians are waking up to the fact that God has given us bodies that are designed to move, and the more they are exercised, the more effectively they function. Studies on how exercise helps to reduce stress are quite conclusive. Exercise gets rid of harmful chemicals in our bodies, provides a form of abreaction (letting off steam), builds up stamina, counteracts the biochemical effects of stress, and reduces the risk of psychological illness. The Bible rarely mentions the need for physical exercise, because people living at that time usually walked everywhere and therefore needed little admonition on the subject. In our world of advanced technology, however, common sense tells us that our bodies need to be exercised, and we should not neglect it. It may not be a spectacular idea, but often God comes to us along some very dusty and lowly roads. We must not despise His coming just because He comes to us along a lowly road.

Prayer:
Lord, help me not to despise this call of Yours to exercise my body. Forgive me that I am such a poor tenant of Your property. From today I determine to do better. For Your own Name's sake. Amen.

For Further Study
1 Kings 19; 1 Cor. 3:16-17 ;  6:19
1. What caused stress in Elijah's life?
2. How did God help him?