Girlfriends in God

[Judy Harder]

March 19, 2010 

The Gift of Confrontation 

Mary Southerland

Today's Truth
"Faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Proverbs 27:6 NAS).

Friend To Friend
Sandpaper people are no strangers to confrontation. However, that confrontation usually comes from an unclean heart and an angry spirit.  In fact, inept confrontations can easily become just another notch in a sandpaper person's belt, giving them one more reason to be who they are - difficult people.

Confrontation is a gift we bring to every relationship - especially difficult relationships. When love and gentleness deliver correction, it is much more likely to be received and acted on.  We can be caring and confronting at the same time.  In fact, confrontation is a spiritual exercise and an act of spiritual obedience that changes lives and builds healthy relationships. 

Before Dan and I were married, I noticed several "rough edges" in his character that needed to be sanded away and felt like I was just the one for the job.  After all, that's what wives are for - right?  I decided to lay low for a few months, lulling him into a false sense of security while giving him a chance to make the changes on his own before I stepped in with my brilliant plan for his life.  The only problem was that my plan did not line up with Dan's plan. In fact, he seemed oblivious to the character flaws that were blatantly obvious to me. 

After a few months of marital bliss, during which I was secretly fine-tuning my "Fix Dan Plan", a seed of discontent took root and began to grow in my heart. The strength I had so admired in Dan now resembled stubbornness.  His ability to take a complicated issue, dissect it and boil it down to a practical three-step-plan now seemed patronizing and sometimes even meddlesome. What I had once embraced as his devotion to me now seemed like his need to control me. It was time for the execution of my now well-thought-out and sure-to-succeed plan of transforming my husband into the man God and I thought he should be.

It goes without saying that unity was the last thing on my mind or on my list of changes to be made.  Looking back, I am certain I fit the bill of a sandpaper person deluxe at that point in Dan's life!  But like most difficult people, I would not be deterred.  The results were painfully disastrous.

Arguments over insignificant issues ensued as we battled for control of the relationship. Dan fielded each attack, confused and bewildered by the mysterious and not-so-wonderful change in his wife. Every area of our marriage suffered and we were both miserable. Thankfully, my young but wise husband was committed to me, I was committed to him and we were both committed to God's plan for our marriage.  I will never forget the afternoon Dan confronted me in love and with amazing patience.  I don't remember much of the conversation but I remember the words that broke my heart but saved our marriage, "Honey, I'm not sure what is going on between us.  But I do know I want to love you like you need to be loved."  And there you have the recipe for a successful marriage and healthy relationships. 

I loved Dan like I thought he should be loved instead of how he needed to be loved, with my requirements and my expectations, hoping that he would have to do all of the changing while I did all of the controlling.  I had a lot to learn about the art of confrontation, how it brings unity, peace and joy to any relationship where it is invited to work.  There is a right way and a wrong way to confront. The success of any confrontation depends upon understanding the difference between the two. 


·     Always begin confrontation with affirmation.  Encouraging words set the stage and prepare the heart to hear words of correction. 


·     Be willing to take your part of the blame.  No conflict is ever totally one-sided.  Taking your share of the blame often diffuses anger and steers the confrontation in the right direction. 


·     Express hurt...not hostility. It is important to keep emotions under control during confrontation.  Volume negates listening.  Raised voices and angry words slam the door shut on any possible good that can come from confrontation. Express your feelings with words - not volume or accusation.   


·     Make clear, direct statements.  When facing confrontation, I will often write down what I plan to say; then read it aloud and sometimes in front of the mirror. I can then go back and eliminate unnecessary comments, inflammatory words or vengeful statements disguised as correction. In any confrontation, it is important to stick to the facts, refusing to become either hysterical or historical.   


·     Avoid using the words "never" and "always" because they tend to stir up emotions and fan emotional fires.  These words are obviously untrue and accomplish little in a confrontation, destroying any credibility of the person doing the confronting.   


·Learn to listen.  One of my favorite tactics in confrontations is to use the time the other person is speaking to formulate my next point.  As a result, I don't listen because I assume I already know what will be said. Difficult conversations require total attention.   


Be solution centered. It is so easy to go for the "let's get this over" conversation instead of the "let's get to the heart of this problem" discussion. Make the decision beforehand to stay at the table of confrontation until a solution is found and restoration is achieved.

We were created to live in harmony. God calls us to wage peace in every relationship - the easy ones as well as the relationships that are difficult. Part of winning the battle is learning how to confront sandpaper people in the right way - God's way. Confrontation that is done in love changes lives, impacts relationships and honors God

Let's Pray
Father, I want to be a good friend. I want to please You through the relationships in my life. Give me the wisdom and strength to be honest with those I love but give me a gentle spirit as well. Guard my heart against pride and help me to see the things in my own life that need correcting. I pray that what I say and do pleases and honors You.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Read Ecclesiastes 4:12. What does this verse say to you about the importance of friendship?

One of the most beautiful portraits of friendship is the relationship between Ruth and Naomi. Read Ruth 1:1-22. Was confrontation important in the friendship between these two women?  How?

Examine the friendships you have in your life. Are you willing to bring the gift of confrontation to each one?

More From The Girlfriends
Do not succumb to the line of thinking that combat and confrontation are the same thing. Combat slowly corrodes and splinters while confrontation is an art that, when done correctly, improves and strengthens relationships. Let's wage peace!

Need help in your spiritual growth?  Check out my weekly online study, Light for the Journey. Or download one of my E-Book Bible Studies such as Anger Management 911, God's Answer to Stress, Getting a Grip on Fear, I Need a Friend... more.

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

March 22, 2010 

The Conviction of Things Not Seen 

Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV).

Friend To Friend
When my son was five-years-old, we had a cassette tape called "Rappin' Rabbit's Christian Habits."  On this tape, Rappin' Rabbit rapped Bible verses.  It was a bit annoying, to tell you the truth, but I still remember those verses.  One verse was Hebrews 11:1.  Rappin' Rabbit jammed, "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  That may be hard to say, but Hebrews 11:1 says it that way."

I just love the words "the conviction of things not seen,"(NASB), or as the NIV says, "certain of what we do not see." That's what faith is all about.  Believing in our heart what we don't see with our eyes. 

One day, God allowed Elisha and his servant to glimpse into "things not seen."  In 2 Kings 6:16-17, Elisha's servant woke up one morning terrified because they were surrounded by a host of enemies on horseback. Elisha asked God to reassure the servant by allowing him to see into the invisible spiritual realm.

"Oh, my lord, what shall we do?" the servant asked. 

"Don't be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them." 

And Elisha prayed, "O LORD, open his eyes so he may see." Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. 

Elisha and his servant saw the army of God surrounding them - ready to fight on their behalf. The Lord may never give us the opportunity to have that veil that separates the visible from the invisible lifted in the physical sense, but what we cannot see with our eyes is very real. "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV).  The unseen, the spiritual, is the greater reality.

Faith is not based on ignorance, but rather on what we know to be true about God.  It means believing God, even though our eyes and emotions tell us differently.

We will never have all of our questions answered this side of heaven, but if we simply strengthen our faith by believing and acting on what little we do know, we'll be mountain moving, giant slaying women of beauty and strength.

The foundation of our faith is a clear understanding of who God is. This is not based on what He does, because we cannot understand His ways and many times we falsely interpret His actions. If we base our faith purely on what we see God do with our physical eyes, our journey will be a spiritual roller coaster of ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth," God said, "so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9). Faith is believing that "Father knows best" no matter what.

Three boys who had faith in God based on who He was, regardless of what He might do, were Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.  They were Jewish administrators who served during the time of King Nebuchadnezzar.  When they refused to worship the king's idols, but chose to honor the One True God instead, the King threatened to throw them in a blazing furnace.  They replied:

O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O King.  But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. Daniel 3:16-15.

The boys knew God could rescue them, but if He chose not to, they understood He had a higher purpose beyond what they could see.  By the way, do you want to know how the story ends?  The king tied up the boys with ropes and threw them in the furnace. Then he watched Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego dance around in the fire with a fourth man who looked like a "son of the gods."  Jesus showed up.  The King shut up. And the boys were released without even a hint of the scent of smoke.

I'm believing God today!  How about you?

Let's Pray

Dear God, there are circumstances going on in my life today and honestly, I don't see an end in sight.  But I know that You know the beginning from the end and have everything under control.  Whether I'm in the fiery furnace, the lion's den, or caught in the stormy sea, You are right there with me.  I choose to walk by faith and not by sight.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Now It's Your Turn
"The conviction of things not seen" seems a bit confusing.  It seems like one of those Christian-ese phrases that are just hard to describe.  But it is important.  Go ahead. Give it a try.  How would you explain that phrase to someone in a way that is easy to understand?

I'd like to hear your answers.  Click on www.facebook.com/sharonjaynes and share what you think it means with your other Girlfriends in God..

More From The Girlfriends
I don't know about you, but sometimes I just need a "faith lift."  If that's where you find yourself today, let's go to God's spa together.  Join me on the journey of a lifetime in Becoming Spiritually Beautiful and discover the inner glow you've always longed for!

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

March 23, 2010 

The Beatitudes of Anger Management 

Part 1 

Mary Southerland

Today's Truth
Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger, do not sin."

Friend To Friend
Everyone gets angry and everyone must learn to deal with his or her anger. Anger is an emotional warning light that tells us something is wrong. We are hurt, frustrated, wronged or rejected.  Something has changed and we do not like it. It is important to remember that anger itself is not sin. In Ephesians 4:26, Paul warns, "In your anger, do not sin" which means that while God created us with the capacity for anger, it is possible to be angry and yet not sin.

Anger handled correctly becomes a tool for good but anger that is mishandled leads to destruction and can even get in the way of God's justice. We must choose to cultivate spiritual disciplines and habits that will enable us to deal with and express anger correctly. Today, we will examine choices we must make to control and manage anger.

Be still.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

Anger is more likely to flourish in a life that is too busy. If we are busy, it is much easier to ignore or refuse to face and deal with the real source of anger.  Anger that is not dealt with in the right way accumulates over time, allowing bitterness to take root and rage to simmer just below the surface of everything we do, say, think or feel.  In order to manage anger, we need to incorporate frequent and regular "stops" into our schedules; time set aside to simply be still and hear the voice of God. 

Be quiet.

James 1:19-20 "Everyone should be slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

Our first response to conflict is often not a response at all but a reaction.  We jump in with a brutal rebuttal or a thoughtless correction - which is like pouring gasoline on a fire.  An explosion is certain.  Our first action should be to stop and think instead of rushing to respond sarcasm or an offensive rebuttal. Let the other person(s) have their say and try to understand all the perspectives before taking your turn to offer an opinion. Try to view the facts objectively by seeing the "big picture." Try counting to ten before saying anything. This may not address the anger directly, but it can minimize the damage you will do while angry.

Be wise.

Proverbs 25:28 "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control."

Wisdom is doing the right thing at the right time for the right reason. Anger management comes from wisdom rooted in self-control. I love the story of Jesus driving the moneychangers out of His Father's temple. In John 2:15, scripture says Jesus "made a whip out of cords."  Don't miss this picture.  At the height of His anger, Jesus wisely took the time to gather several cords with which he braided a whip.  Jesus was so angry that He knew He needed to cool off, so He deliberately chose to be still and quiet for a time.  When we are close to losing control of anger, we need to do what Jesus did - take a break from the situation in order to control our anger in the situation.

Be discerning.   

Psalm 4:4 "In your anger do not sin...search your hearts and be silent."

When you are angry with someone, ask yourself why.  Think back to what led up to the conflict.  Was it something someone said to you?  Could a past problem have triggered your present anger?  Give yourself time to consider why you are upset and what you should do to handle it in the most effective and appropriate way.

We need to deal with anger in the right way for our own good. However, there is another reason - a higher reason to practice anger management. The story is told of a preacher who was putting in a wooden fence. As he hammered away, he noticed a little boy quietly watching him. The boy didn't say a word so the preacher kept working, thinking the little boy would leave - but he didn't. Pleased at the thought that his work was being admired, the preacher finally said, "Well, son, are you trying to pick up some pointers on building?" The little boy quickly responded, "No! I'm just waiting to see what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer." answered.


The world is watching and waiting to see what we do when our emotional buttons are pushed because what is really inside comes out when anger strikes. Join me tomorrow as we examine four more beatitudes of anger management.

Let's Pray
Father, I want to thank You for creating me with the capacity to feel and to experience emotions. Please help me learn how to control my emotions and use them for good. Help me eliminate anything in my life that is a source of anger and frustration. I want to please You and honor You but I need Your strength to obey Your commands. Today, I choose against destructive anger and ask you to teach me how to experience and promote peace.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
The longer I work with people the more I realize that there is always a reason for their behavior. Hurt people - hurt people. Anger is often hurt and pain in disguise. When we choose to focus on the hurt behind the anger instead of the anger itself, our response has a greater chance of being right.

Is there any hurt or pain in your life that you have not addressed?

How has that pain affected your life?  Your relationships?

Are you ready to experience God's healing in your life so that you can lay down your hurt and anger?

Which one of the four attitudes listed above do you struggle with most?

What first step do you need to take in order to correct that attitude?

More From The Girlfriends
I know it is sometimes hard to control emotions. Anger can be especially difficult to manage. I believe we can learn to control our emotions through the power of the Holy Spirit at work in our life. Consistent Bible study and prayer are powerful habits that will help us develop attitudes and discipline our emotions toward peace. 

Join women across the world in Bible Study by enrolling in my weekly online Bible Study, Light for the Journey.

Download my E-Book Bible Study, Anger Management 911 for more practical ways to deal with anger.  This study is perfect for individual or small group study.

Strength for the Storm is my new DVD of how to handle the storms in life. Check it out today! I would love to connect with you on Facebook! Let's talk!

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

March 24, 2010 

The Beatitudes of Anger Management 

Part 2 

Mary Southerland

Today's Truth
Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger, do not sin."

Friend To Friend
Anger is an emotional warning light that tells us something is wrong. We are hurt, frustrated, wronged or rejected but something has changed and we do not like it. Anger itself is not sin. In Ephesians 4:26, Paul warns, "In your anger, do not sin" which means that while God created us with the capacity for anger, it is possible to be angry and yet not sin. The key to dealing with anger is learning to express it correctly. Yesterday, we talked about four actions that will help us manage anger. Today, we will complete the list of choices we can make in controlling anger - instead of allowing it to control us.

Be focused.   

Psalm 37:8 "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret; it leads only to evil."

I witnessed the utter strength and beauty of our daughter-in-law as she went through hours of labor during the birth of our twin grandchildren. The pain was excruciating, but Jodi worked through each contraction by doing two things:  controlling her breathing and choosing a focus point. We need to do the same. When anger consumes you, take several deep breaths, releasing each one slowly as we focus on the peace of God. Sometimes, you may need to excuse yourself for a short break in order to gain the right perspective. If possible, try walking for a few minutes to work off anger rather than take it out on someone. Walk the dog or simply stroll around the block. Physical activity offers an outlet for anger. Getting into the habit of taking 30-minute walks several times a week will improve your overall state of mind and lessen the occurrence and intensity of your anger.

Be understanding.   

James 1:19 "Everyone should be quick to listen."

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—to listen twice as much as we speak. When you begin getting angry with someone, take time to listen to what the other person has to say. Make sure you understand that person's viewpoint. In fact, it might be a good idea for you to repeat it back to make sure you get the point. Only then, when you have processed that information and reigned in your emotions, should you offer a reply. Listening skills play a significant role in anger management. 

Be kind. 

Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

The next time someone makes you angry, put a smile on your face. No, I am not kidding! It is hard to stay upset when you are smiling. Smiling is one of the best and most affordable anger management tips because you can do it anytime, almost anywhere, and to pretty much anyone. The next time you are angry, choose to give a friendly smile of understanding, appreciation, or patience as you listen to the other side of the story; and make sure it is a real smile—not a sarcastic grin. 

Be ready.

1 Peter 5:8 "Be self-controlled and alert."

The best way to manage anger is to prevent it in the first place. How? Balance your schedule and priorities so that you will not live in a constant state of frustration and exhaustion. Avoid spending time with angry people. Proverbs 22:24 is very clear, "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man; do not associate with one easily angered." We really do become like the people with whom we spend the most time. Pray constantly, asking the Holy Spirit to help you cultivate the habits that encourage peace instead of anger. Memorize Scripture. The Word of God is a powerful weapon in dealing with and managing our emotions.

God created us with the capacity for emotions. That means He has a right plan and a right place for emotions in our lives. Anger management is a spiritual discipline that God honors, blesses and empowers. 

Let's Pray
Father, thank You for creating me with the capacity to experience emotions. Sometimes I have a hard time controlling those emotions - especially my anger. Please help me learn how to express my emotions in a way that is healing to my relationships and pleasing to You.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Review the eight beatitudes of anger management. Which one do you need to cultivate in your life?

Be ready.

Be kind.

Be understanding.

Be focused.

Be still.

Be quiet.

Be wise.

Be discerning.

Record these beatitudes in your journal.

Write out your prayer of commitment to cultivate attitudes and habits that will help you manage anger in your life.

More From The Girlfriends
I know it is sometimes hard to control emotions. Anger can be especially difficult to manage. I believe we can learn to control our emotions through the power of the Holy Spirit at work in our life. Consistent Bible study and prayer are powerful habits that will help us develop attitudes and discipline our emotions toward peace. 

Join women across the world in Bible Study by enrolling in my weekly online Bible Study, Light for the Journey.

Download my E-Book Bible Study, Anger Management 911 for more practical ways to deal with anger.  This study is perfect for individual or small group study.

Strength for the Storm is my new DVD of how to handle the storms in life. Check it out today! I would love to connect with you on Facebook! Let's talk!

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

March 25, 2010
Strengthening Your Faith 

Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops" (James   5:17-18 NIV).

Friend To Friend
I remember sitting in embryology and anatomy classes in college and being amazed at the intricacies of the human body.  It still boggles my mind to imagine that a microscopic strand of molecules called DNA determines every part of our physical body.  It is also a wonder that every muscle you and I will ever have is present when we are born. (So is every fat cell!)  Every little trapezious, tricep, bicep, quadracep, and glutteous maximus - from the top or our heads to the tip of our toes is present and accounted for when we breathe our first breath.  That means that you and Arnold Swarzenegger came with the same basic muscular equipment, but because of exercise, His muscles grew bigger!

Just as a baby has all the muscles she will ever have at birth, as a new, born-again believer, you received all the faith you will ever need.  We are each given a measure of faith (Romans 12:3).  However, some have a larger faith (not necessarily more) because they have exercised, stretched, and strengthened what they were given.  When the disciples failed to cast out a demon and asked Jesus the reason for their failure, He answered, "Because you have so little faith."  This was not the quantity of their faith but the quality - their faith needed more exercise. Jesus went on to say, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you."

Let's consider two Bible verses.  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17) and "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (2 Peter 1:3). Do you have the faith to believe those two promises?

Hebrews chapter 11 is filled with men and women in the Bible who believed God, but perhaps my favorite New Testament walk down the Old Testament memory lane is in James 5:17-18.  "Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops."  What's so special about that passage? To me, it's not that he prayed about the rain. It's those three little words, "just like us."  He was just like us!  He didn't have more faith, but He had strong faith.

As we renew our minds with the Word of God and then put what we have learned into practice, our faith will grow stronger.  James wrote, "Faith without works is useless" (James 2:20).  In other words, if we simply say that we believe something in our minds, but do not appropriate or demonstrate it in our actions, it does not bring life to us or to those around us.  As we exercise our faith, it grows stronger.

Exercise the faith you have been given.  Find one promise in Scripture, confess it, believe it, and make it yours.  Then pick another, then another and another.  Soon that mustard seed of faith will take root, shoot toward the sky, sprout branches, and produce a bumper crop of fruit. 

Let's Pray
Dear LORD, thank You for the gift of faith.  Help me to recognize the situations in my life where I have allowed doubt to creep in and weaken my faith.  Today, I am exercising the faith that You have given me so that it will grow stronger and be more effective.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Now It's Your Turn
My son loves lifting weights to build up his muscles.  When he does a bench press and lifts a potential face-crushing barbell over his chest, (this is how I see it as a mother!) he has a "spotter" standing over him.  The spotter's job is to catch the barbell and keep it from falling on Steven's head in case he should slip or pick up a weight he's not strong enough to lift. As we exercise our faith, Jesus is our spotter.  If we are too weak to lift the weight of a heavy load, Jesus is standing as our spotter to keep us from being crushed.  If we find ourselves too weak to lift the load, we don't give up, but continue pressing on and working those faith muscles until they are stronger.

God also gives us girlfriends in God who serves as spotters.  When we see a friend's faith beginning to slip, we can help hold up the weight for her.  Today, ask God if there is someone who needs your help through believing prayer.

Has there ever been a time when a friend has helped you strengthen your faith?  I'd love to hear about it.  Let's chat.  Visit www.facebook.com/sharonjaynes and share your Girlfriend in God faith building story.

More From The Girlfriends
I don't know about you, but sometimes I just need a "faith lift."  If that's where you find yourself today, let's go to God's spa together.  Join me on the journey of a lifetime in Becoming Spiritually Beautiful and discover the inner glow you've always longed for!

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

March 26, 2010 

"What's Your Temperature?" 

Gwen Smith

Today's Truth
"Search Me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
(Psalm 139:23-24, ESV)

Friend To Friend
I got a phone call in the middle of a workday from my son Preston. He was calling from the nurse's office at the school. Here's how the conversation went:

"Hey mom. It's Preston. I'm not feeling well, and I have a temperature of 96.5. Can you come get me?"

"96.5 degrees?" I asked. "Honey, that's below normal! That doesn't sound right."

"I know," he said, "but I don't feel well. Can you please come pick me up?"

"Sure honey. I'll be right there."

I chuckled the whole way to the school at what he had said.  Surely he misread the thermometer! A normal temperature is 98.6. Something was off. I got to the school in a North Carolina minute and headed straight to the nurse's office. While Preston packed up his bag to go home, I spoke privately to the school nurse. With a grin on her face, she explained to me that Preston was resistant to putting the thermometer under his tongue as she had instructed him to do. He wasn't comfortable with that. "So," she said, "he held the thermometer between his lips." The nurse and I exchanged chuckles and amused glances as I thanked her for helping my son.

Although Preston knew something wasn't right with his body, he didn't get an accurate temperature reading because he didn't place the thermometer in deep enough. He didn't let it probe past the surface.

Later that night, as I thought back on the day, the Lord spoke to my heart. He showed me that there are times when I'm resistant to an accurate reading of my spiritual wellness. Times when I won't let Him probe past the surface of my heart, my actions, my attitudes, and my perspective to allow Him to reveal an accurate spiritual temperature for my life. Times when I'm not comfortable with deeper-level stuff. Times when I don't sit still to listen.

I was disturbed by that thought. I needed to be disturbed by that thought. By that truth. I'm in full time ministry, but that doesn't mean that I'm always in perfect spiritual health. To the contrary...the more I learn about God's holiness, the more I realize how much I need His grace and strength every minute of every day.

You might not "feel well" today. Perhaps you have spiritual indigestion from your marriage, your children, your friendships, your finances, your singleness, your conversations. It could be from the shows you watch, the internet relationships you've developed, the gossip you allow to pass from your lips, the jealousy you feel in your heart. You haven't allowed your heart to be probed. You are resistant to an accurate assessment of the hurt---resistant to a true assessment of your own heart.

What's your spiritual temperature? Are you hot or cold? Is the flame of faith in your heart fading or raging? Have you sat still long enough lately to ask God to search your heart? It's time for an accurate reading.

"For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." 2 Chronicles 16:9, NIV

Let's Pray
Holy Father, as the psalmist prayed, I ask that you would, "search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24, ESV). In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Take a spiritual inventory today. Spend a few moments considering your spiritual wellness. What is your quiet time like? Is God a top priority in your life? Do you set aside time regularly to read your Bible? Ask God to probe your heart and reveal areas in your life that need to be made right.

Read John 15:1-11, then write a prayer response.

More From The Girlfriends
The Bible tells us that God disciplines those He loves. I do realize that this devotion might have stepped on your toes today. Please know that Sharon, Mary and I are on the pruning table right there with you, and though we may not always love the sting of God's pruning, we can trust that it is for our growing and for His glory. Hope you take time for the deeper-level stuff today!

NEED HEALING? Got a WOUNDED HEART? Got a FRIEND with a WOUNDED HEART?? Order Gwen's book, Broken Into Beautiful, today.

GOT FACEBOOK? Visit Gwen's FACEBOOK PAGE - leave a message on her wall - listen to a few songs - share the page with your FB friends! :-)

Gwen Smith is a worship artist, songwriter, speaker, and author. For more information, visit her website at: www.GwenSmith.net.

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

March 29, 2010 

Sit Down and Be Quiet 

Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted.  He did the same with the fish" (John 6:11 NIV). 

Friend To Friend
Have you ever noticed this pattern in the gospels - the disciples get in a bind and Jesus bails them out.  It reminds me of the old fifties program, Father Knows Best.  The kids got in trouble, the father solved the problem and then he taught us all an important life lesson at the end.  Come to think of it, "Father Knows Best" would be a fabulous subtitle for the gospels!

In John 6:1-15, we find the disciples in a precarious situation.  Their lawn party had turned into quite a bash.  The guests far exceeded their expectations, the disciples hadn't planned on providing dinner, and it appeared the crowd was expecting refreshments.  But the disciples didn't have the funds or the food to feed them.  All they could scrounge up were five loaves of bread and two dried fish.  The crowd was getting restless, the disciples were getting nervous,  and Jesus was getting ready.  He took the five loaves and two fish and told the crowd to sit down - he told them to rest.

Then He lifted the food toward heaven, blessed it, and commanded the disciples to hand out the provisions to those who were seated. He didn't feed the people who were running around worrying - but the ones who were at rest.  To those He gave "immeasurably more than they could ask or imagine" (see Ephesians 3:20), with twelve baskets left over.

When we believe God, we will have rest and peace in our lives.  I want you to do something for me.  Right now, I want you to use your imagination.  The Bible tells us in Ephesians that we are "in Christ" and Christ is "in us."  It also tells us that we are seated "in heavenly places" and "transferred to the kingdom of Christ."  Picture yourself sitting right beside Jesus under a spreading oak tree.  Perhaps His arm is around your shoulder and your head is resting on his chest.  You can feel the beating of His heart against your cheek and your head moves with the rise and fall of His breathing. With His other hand, He strokes your head and immediately knows how many hairs are on your head. His breath warms your skin as it brushes past your face. Imagine Him looking into your eyes and knowing your innermost being and meeting your gaze with a warm, affirming smile reassuring you of His love and care.

Now tell me, as you imagine yourself in the presence of Jesus, how anxious do you feel?  How rejected do you feel?  How worried about tomorrow are you?

You may be thinking,   "Yes, Sharon.  I feel at peace in that scene.  But that's not reality."  Dear sister, that is the greater reality.  No matter what you are going through today, Jesus is right there with you.  So maybe you just need to sit down and be quiet for a while.

Let's Pray
Dear Father, I'll admit, sometimes I am so busy running around trying to solve my problems, I miss Your provision. Help me to listen to You more closely and see Your provision more clearly.  I don't want to miss what You have for me today. Help me to sit down and be quiet - to rest in You.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Is it difficult for you to sit down and be quiet with Jesus?

What keeps you from taking time to be still before Him?

Today, take at least ten minutes to be still with Jesus.  No multi-tasking.  Don't do this while driving the car or washing the dishes.  Just you and Jesus.  Give Him your full attention.

More From The Girlfriends
Women love the idea of going to a spa!  I'd like to invite you to God's spa to experience the ultimate makeover.   In Sharon's book, Becoming Spiritually Beautiful, you'll discover beauty secrets to give you the inner glow that only God can give.  It also comes with a Bible study guide for those who want to dig deeper into God's transforming truths.



Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

March 30, 2010 

Waging Peace 

Mary Southerland

Today's Truth
Philippians 4:2-3 "I encourage both Euodia and Syntyche to have the attitude the Lord wants them to have.  Yes, I also ask you, Syzugus, my true partner, to help these women. They fought beside me to spread the Good News along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the Book of Life"(GWT).

Friend To Friend
If we have a personal relationship with God then we have access to all of His power and all of His peace.  Now stop for a moment and read that statement again.  Do you really believe it?  I am convinced that we have become complacent about the power of God.  It is that same power that raised Lazerus from the dead, healed the blind man and made the lame man walk.  That same power is ours - if we know God. 

While His power is miraculous, we still live each day as if we were spiritual beggars without hope and without purpose because we do not understand and walk in the truth that God makes His power and His peace available to us.  The question then becomes how to tap into God's power and peace. Scripture is clear when it says that our only power and peace comes from God through consistent prayer, bible study and right relationships.

Paul understood that peace is often the casualty of unresolved conflict in relationships and in ministry.  In his letter to the church at Philippi, Paul gives us a glimpse of just how serious he is about peace.  He was serious enough to call names and to call those names in front of the whole church. I don't know about you, but if I had been Euodia and Syntyche, I would have died of embarrassment and looked for the nearest pew to crawl under when Paul's letter was read.  On the other hand, their names may be the reason for their anger.  Euodia means "prosperous journey" while Syntyche means "pleasant acquaintance".  These two women were certainly not living up to their names.  Euodia and Syntyche were not bad women but women who worked in the church and had even worked with Paul.  But something had happened!  The scripture does not say what the problem was.  It wasn't important.  It usually isn't. Paul really did not care about the details.  He simply said to "fix it" and tells them to agree with each other in the Lord.   

Paul is not saying they must always agree about everything or that there will never be conflict.  He is telling them that their bickering is destroying the peace of the church - dangerous ground on which to stand.  Unresolved conflict is the enemy of peace and has no place in the church.  Yet, as women in ministry, much of our time is spent on this very issue - conflict resolution - and the reason is simple.  Sin is alive and well - in the world and in the church.  If we "followed wholly" after God, seeking to become fully devoted followers of God, peace would be the norm instead of the exception. 

The world has its own system for working out conflict.  It is called retaliation and revenge!  But God has a different plan. 

Proverbs 27:6 "Faithful are the wounds of a friend."

The "wound" is confrontation for the good of friend.  If you love - you level!  Loving confrontation is a gift we bring to healthy relationships and one of the most important tools in ministry. Our refusal to confront someone because it makes us uncomfortable is like watching in silence as someone we love walks off a dangerous cliff.  It is sin.  God calls us as women in ministry to confrontation.  However, there is a right way and a wrong way to confront someone. 

My husband, Dan, was leaving for a trip, a time always filled with tension.  Something he did made me very angry, but I did not want to confront him about it before his trip, knowing we would not have time to discuss the problem.  My solution was to save my confrontation.  I waited - and gave my anger ample time to grow into a full-fledged, volcanic eruption.  Several days later, my poor unsuspecting husband walked in the front door, suitcases in hand, exhausted and so glad to be home.  Well, I fixed that!  I let him have it - in front of the kids.  In other words, I broke every rule of confrontation.  I could easily have waited until Dan had taken a nap, the kids had gone outside to play or I had managed to garner a better attitude.  Better still, I could have dismissed the whole issue for what it was, an unworthy place to invest my emotion energy.

Successful confrontation is always done in love.  If we enjoy or look forward to the confrontation, our motive is wrong.  The harder the truth, the more love we must use to say it.  Here are a few rules for confrontation done the right way: 

Confront with the right motive. 

Confront at the right time. 

Confront with the right audience. 

Confront in the right way.

The time to prepare for conflict resolution is now.  The choice to handle every disagreement according to the rules of healthy confrontation must be made before the disagreement or conflict occurs.  Decide right now to resolve all conflict.  And if you are causing conflict - stop it!  Peace is at stake.

Let's Pray
Father, thank You for the peace You bring to my life. I celebrate You as the Prince of Peace and Lord of Lords. Please help me to be a woman of peace. I pray that You will help me learn how to confront others in a way that pleases and honors You and restores others.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn
Examine the relationships in your life.

Is there any conflict that needs to be resolved?

Are you willing to take the first step toward restoration?

More From The Girlfriends
As children of God, our relationships should illustrate God's love and peace. When conflict occurs, we need to be willing to initiate the process of resolving that conflict. I want to challenge ever Girlfriend to wage peace - in your relationships, your home, your family and workplace. Do not surrender the peace of God to anyone or any agenda. 

Do you struggle with a difficult relationship in your life?  My book, Sandpaper People, may offer the help you need. (Also available in CD or MP3)

Need Bible Study? Join women from across the world in studying the Bible by enrolling in my weekly online Bible Study, Light for the Journey.

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

March 31, 2010 

Whose Report Will You Believe? 

Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"We should go up and take possession of the land," they said, "for we can certainly do it...If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us" (Numbers 13:30, 14:8 NIV).

Friend To Friend
This month, I've been talking a lot about faith. Believing God...it's what takes us into our personal Promised Land. In the Old Testament, God brought the Israelites out of the bondage of Egyptian slavery.  Moses led the people under the blood-stained doorframes of the Passover, across the dry land of the Red Sea, and into the land flowing with milk and honey.  The travelers witnessed God part the sea, rain down quail from heaven, scatter manna on the ground, and pour water from a rock.  He guided them by a fire at night and a cloud by day. And yet, when it came time to march into the Promised Land, the land that was theirs for the taking, they faced a crisis of belief.           

"Send some men to explore the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the Israelites," God instructed Moses. So Moses sent twelve spies to scout out the land. When they returned, ten gave the following report:

"We went into the land where you sent us and it does flow with milk and honey!" they said. "But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large...We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are...The land we explored devours those living in it.  All the people we saw there are of great size...We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them" (Numbers 13:27-33).

But two of the spies, Caleb and Joshua, believed God. "We should go up and take possession of the land," they said, "for we can certainly do it!  If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us.  Only do not rebel against the LORD.  And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up.  Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us.  Do not be afraid of them." (Numbers 13:30, 14: 8, 9). 

Guess whom the people believed?  They believed the "evil report" - the ten men who did not believe God rather than the two men who did.   God had already given them the land; the people simply had to move forward and posses it.  But instead of moving into the Promised Land, they wandered in the desert for the rest of their lives. That entire generation of adults died in their unbelief, except for Caleb and Joshua.

But when the next generation came along, they believed God and moved into the Promised Land that their parents never saw.  We can be just like that unbelieving generation - saved from slavery but wandering in the desert of unbelief. I have an acronym for fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. They only saw the giants, but failed to see Almighty God. 

Oswald Chambers notes:

Human frailty is another thing that gets between God's words of assurance and our own words and thoughts.  When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God seems to be non-existent.  But remember God's assurance to us:  "I will never ...forsake you."  Have we learned to sing after hearing God's keynote?  Are we continually filled with enough courage to say, "The Lord is my Helper," or are we yielding to fear?

So here's my question to you.  Whose report are you going to believe?  Are you going to believe God's Word is true, or the enemy who tries to stop you from entering your own Promised Land because of fear?

Satan says, "You can't do it."  God says, "I already have."

I don't want to be like those Israelites who didn't believe God. Do you?  Are you going to move into the land flowing with milk and honey - take God's promises and make them yours? Or, are you going to believe the evil report and continue wandering around in the desert - free from slavery, but missing the Promised Land?  Whose report are you going to believe?

Let's Pray
Dear LORD, forgive me for being like the Israelites who didn't believe You.  Forgive me when I focus on the giants in the land rather than the giant-slayer.  Today, I commit to take You at Your Word.  I'm believing God today and moving forward to take the land You have already given me!

In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Now It's Your Turn
If you were listening to the two reports mentioned in today's devotion, which one would you have believed?

Hindsight is 20/20 and most of us would cheer, "I'd believe Joshua!  I'd believe Caleb!"  But I wonder.  Do we believe God's promises even now?

What promises of God do you need to believe today?

Sometimes it is good to write them down. I'd love to hear your answers. Let's chat. Click on www.facebook.com/sharonjaynes to share your response.

More From The Girlfriends
One of God's beauty secrets is faith. I don't know about you, but sometimes I just need a "faith lift."  If that's where you find yourself today, let's go to God's spa together.  Join me on the journey of a lifetime in Becoming Spiritually Beautiful and discover the inner glow you've always longed for!

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

[Judy Harder]

April 1, 2010 

Taking Every Thought Captive 

Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"We are destroying speculation and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5 NASB).

Friend To Friend
Several years ago, my family went on an excursion out West.  We flew to Nevada, rented a car, and then proceeded to log in 2500 miles in ten days.  One of our stops was Jackson Hole, Wyoming - cowboy country.

On Saturday night, we attended the local rodeo. There we sat, three city slickers among whoopin' hollerin' locals.  The cowboys' skills entertained and amazed those of us who thought a Bronco was a 4-wheel drive.  Cowboys, young and old, rode bucking broncos, raced around barrels, and conquered angry bulls.  But the most thrilling event was the lassoing contest.

We all sat on the edge of our seats as the cowboy waited, poised in his saddle, anticipating the calf's release from the chute.  The corral door swung open and the calf burst from the gate.  The cowboy exploded through a second door with lasso in hand, and pursued the bucking, twisting, galloping animal.  He lassoed the calf's neck; threw him to the ground; quickly wrapped the rope around his legs; tied them securely in place; and immediately jumped up and raised his arms in victory.  As the victor stood receiving his applause, his trained steed took three steps backward to secure the rope in place. 

The timer continued to run for a few seconds to make sure the calf was indeed captive.  Then the cowboy's time was posted on the scoreboard.  Time and time again, cowhands lassoed little calves, secured their captives, and raised their hands in victory.  Only a few times did a calf escape the rope and make his way out the door on the other end of the corral.

I'll admit that I was feeling a bit sorry for the little calves, even though they were released as soon as the time was logged. The first time one escaped the lasso, I applauded wildly.  Angry onlookers let me know with a glare that cheering for the calf was not acceptable.  As I continued to watch the contest, the Lord prodded my mind and told me to look and learn. Suddenly it hit me.  This event was a perfect picture of what Paul described in today's truth.

Those calves reminded me of wild and wooly thoughts that burst forth from the stable of my mind at times:  negative, rebellious, fearful, angry, worrisome, jealous, degrading thoughts that are untamed and unruly, bucking, jumping and running wild across pleasant plains.  And my reaction should be like the cowboy's:  ride up hot on the thought's heels, lasso it with the truth, tie it up securely, and throw it in the dust.  My response should be just like the cowboy's trusty trained horse who, automatically, because of practice, takes three steps backward to make sure the deceptive thought "ain't goin' nowhere."   

Trained because of practice. Taking every thought captive. Yes siree.  Let's lasso those thoughts little sister, tie 'em up, and throw em' back in the dust where they came from in the first place.  Then we can raise our arms in victory with all the heavenly hosts applauding in victory.  And believe me, the faster we do it, the better.

Over the next four days, we will look at four simple steps to taking every thought captive.  My prayer is that you will put these steps into practice in your own life and light up the scoreboard with victory in lassoing those run-away thoughts.

See you tomorrow!

Let's Pray
Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes my thoughts run wild.  I believe things are true when they aren't and don't believe things are true when they are.  Help me to take every thought captive that is not of You.  Fill me with Your Truth.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Now It's Your Turn
When is the last time you had a run-away thought?

At what point did you realize the thought was not of God?

Look up Philippians 4:8 and meditate on this litmus test for our thoughts.

More From The Girlfriends
Every spiritual battle is won at the threshold of the mind.  If you would like to learn more about how to take every thought captive and read Sharon's entire teaching on this subject, you can find it in I'm Not Good Enough...and Other Lies Women Tell Themselves. This resource will help you change that stinkin' thinkin' and see yourself as God sees you!

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com