Girlfriends in God

[Judy Harder]

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The One Thing He Can't Do Without

Sharon Jaynes

(My devotions will focus on marriage for the month of February. If you're not married, I encourage you to read them anyway! And while you're reading, pray for your friends that are married.  Believe me, they will appreciate it. Also, give a special blessing by passing these devotions along to them! Here we go...)

Today's Truth

"Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly,"  (Ephesians 5:33 AMP).

Friend to Friend

"I've been shut up, shut down, shot down, ridiculed, disregarded, over looked, over booked, and overwhelmed...I know I was made for a reason. I know that, in God's eyes, I count.  So, I simply want to find someone who believes in me."

No, these are not the lyrics from the latest country song. They are the lament from one of my survey respondents when I asked hundreds of men what they really wanted in the woman of their dreams. It seems Aretha Franklin isn't the only one who wants a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t these days. One area that rated very high in my survey of men describing the wife of their dreams was RESPECT. Webster defines respect as the special esteem or consideration in which one holds another person or thing, the state or quality of being esteemed, to feel or show consideration to. It's the one thing a happy husband can't do without.

God's Command

In the Bible, Paul wrote to both men and women about their various roles in marriage. In the book of Ephesians he wrote, "Each one of you (men) also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). Now that doesn't mean that husbands don't have to respect their wives or wives don't have tolove their husbands. I believe Paul was summing up what was paramount for both men and women. We want to be loved and cherished just like our husbands want to be honored and respected.

Another reason I believe that Paul admonishes wives to respect their husbands is because he knew that after years of mistakes, poor choices, wrong decisions,  and smelly socks, respect may not come naturally for a wife. It may well take an act of obedience empowered by the Holy Spirit within.

But how do you respect someone who vegetates watching TV all the time? How do you respect someone who sits around waiting for the right job to come along when you're working yourself to death trying to keep food on the table? (You may need to stop and quietly put that responsibility back where it belongs.) How do your respect someone who apparently has no respect for himself? It may seem impossible, but as the angel asked Abraham, "Is anything too hard for the LORD?" (Genesis 18:14). The same God who parted the sea for the Israelites to walk across on dry land, who caused the walls of Jericho to fall with a shout, who kept Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from even having a hint of smoke as they exited the fiery furnace, who caused flesh to reappear on the fingerless hands of lepers, who made a man blind from birth see, and who raised Lazarus from the dead – that same God can give you the power to respect your husband. It all begins with prayer and follows with obedience close behind. "There is incomparable great power available to those who believe," (Ephesians 1:19).

In the Bible power always follows obedience. As soon as the high priests crossing the Jordan placed their feet in the water, the river parted (Joshua 3:15). As soon as the rotting lepers turned toward Jerusalem to tell the priests they were healed, their skin began to heal (Luke 17:14). As soon as Namaan dipped into the river seven times as the prophet Elijah had commanded, his leprosy began to disappear (2 Kings 5:14). The miracle didn't come before they obeyed, but after they obeyed. Do you want to see a miracle unfold before your eyes like a multi-petaled rose unfolding? Obey God. An amazing thing happens when we begin to show respect to our husbands. They begin to act respectable.

Let's go back to Paul's letter to the Ephesians. I love how the amplified version expounds on Ephesians 5:33  "Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly." What a power packed verse!

Respect is one of the most beautiful gifts a wife can give her man.

Let's Pray

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for my husband. Help me to be the wife that he needs in all areas of my life. Help me to respect, revere, regard, honor, prefer and esteem him greatly. Not only that, but help me to show it in my words and actions so that there is no doubt in his mind just how much I love him.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

During the reign of King David, he brought the once captured Ark of the Covenant back to Israel. It was one of the grandest moments in his life. Read the account recorded in 2 Samuel 6 and answer the following questions:

How did David's wife, Michal, react to David's outward praise of God? (6:16,20).

What was David's response to her? (6:21)

What was the outcome of her disrespect? (6:23)

What can we learn from her lack of respect?

Let's make a list of ways to show respect. I'll compile your answers and send them out in an email. Log onto my blog post at www.sharonjaynes.com and tell me one way a woman can show respect to her man. Come on now... you can do this...give me just one.

More from the Girlfriends

14-Day Romancing Your Husband Challenge: How would you like to join your girlfriends in a 14-day Romancing Your Husband Challenge? Click over to www.sharonjaynes.com, click on the challenge sign-up button in the right column of the home page, and your 14-day challenge emails will begin. Come on girlfriend, February is the love month - it's time to spice up your marriage.

February is the month of love and a wonderful time to contemplate our marriages. Do you want to become the woman of your husband's dreams? The woman who makes him sorry to leave in the morning and eager to come home at night? Then you'll want to read Becoming the Woman of His Dreams for an insightful look at the wonderful, unique, and God-ordained role only you have in your husband's life.

[Judy Harder]

February 6, 2013
He is Waiting for You
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

"Now as they went on their way, He entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home" (Luke 10:38, NIV).

Friend to Friend

Balance always requires a fierce and ruthless examination of priorities. Our true priorities are not mere lists of activities completed or goals set but candid reflections of our heart desires.  What we deem important receives the most time, energy, attention and resources. The importance of right and balanced priorities is illustrated by the life of Martha.

Jesus knew that He was always welcome in the home of Martha. Scripture tells us that Jesus "had no place to lay His head," but He often came to this home when He needed to rest or get away from the demanding crowds. At the age of thirty, the Son of God left His natural home and there is no record of His ever returning to live there. He often went to Bethany, to the house of Martha, Mary and Lazarus, and even spent His final week on earth there. Jesus didn't have to wonder if He was welcome in this home or if Martha was "ready" for His presence. He knew she was. Can He say the same about us? Do we have the heart of a seeker, one who lives each day aware of God's presence, His plan and His priorities?

Seeking God begins with recognizing who He is and then inviting Him into our lives as Lord and Savior. If He is not Lord of all, then He is not Lord at all. For some of us, the problem is not that we lack a personal relationship with God. Our problem is that we are not "making room" for that relationship. Balance comes when we yield to His plan in the everyday moments of life.

One summer, our family went to Pennsylvania where we visited Amish country. I have always been fascinated by the Amish people and enjoyed every minute spent in their beautiful and carefully ordered world. As our visit came to an end, I wanted to buy a souvenir to remind me of the peaceful days we had spent there, but everything I picked up was too expensive. Being a committed shopper, I was not about to let that stop me. We travelled up and down the small hidden back roads of each community, looking for the Amish products known only to a few and to those relentless shoppers who were willing to persevere. I was beginning to lose hope when I spotted the small, white sign posted on the fence of a quaint and absolutely perfect house. "Amish Crafts" it said. This was it!

As we climbed out of the car, a sense of peace settled around us like an old familiar blanket. Our voices immediately dropped to a whisper as we tiptoed up the narrow stone path and gently opened the screen door. When we stepped onto the porch filled with beautiful Amish crafts, a woman came out of the house, welcomed us with a beautiful smile and introduced herself as Mary. She invited us to browse and to let her know if we needed any help. I have to admit that I was almost rude in my pathetic attempts to catch a glimpse of her home through the porch windows. Reading my mind, she graciously offered, "Would you like to come in and look around?" I thought she'd never ask!         

Mary's home revealed a world very different from mine and an uncommonly simplistic lifestyle I desperately longed to experience. The house was sparsely furnished with only the necessities, but Mary described her life and daily routine with words like "calm, uncomplicated, peaceful and serene." When I asked why she had chosen such a lifestyle she sweetly responded with words of wisdom I will never forget, "I have discovered that when my life and my heart get too crowded there is not enough room for God." Exactly!

An unbalanced life is too crowded for God. It is so easy to relegate our spirituality to religious activity when all He really wants is to spend time with us. When the tears fall, He wants to wipe them away, collecting each one so that He can pour them back into our lives as a refreshing rain of restoration. God longs for us to forever run into His arms, sharing every hurt and rejoicing in every victory. The Father yearns to wrap His strong arms around us, bringing the peace and balance we so desperately need.

Instead, we often relinquish control of our life to unworthy demands dictated by a world that operates in "urgent" gear. We forget what is really important. The important rarely barges in while the urgent is always an offensive intruder. The important waits patiently while the urgent demands its own way, creating bedlam and imbalance. Certainly, there are times when the important is also urgent – but we must learn to discern between the two. We wrongly conclude that a busy life is automatically a productive life and think that a full schedule will surely produce a full heart.

I have great news! He loves who you are more than He loves what you do. Seek Him today. Make room for Him. He is waiting.

Let's Pray

Father, I am too busy and sometimes I feel like my life is spinning out of control. I'm tired of the imbalance I see in the way I live. Help me learn how to establish priorities that please You and reflect Your plan for me. I commit to spending time with You each day, seeking Your wisdom and direction. I love You, Lord.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Are you ready to evaluate your life according to God's priorities? Set aside time today to spend with Him. Grab your journal and record the truths He gives you about how to balance your life.

Ask God to let you see your life through His eyes. Be willing to change what needs to be changed in order to invest your time wisely.   

Determine the top five life priorities of your life - right now. Take a deep breath and brutally examine your calendar and checkbook to see where you spend most of your time and resources. We can give lip service to what we think our priorities should be but until our daily schedule reflects those priorities, we are only "playing at life." 
 
More from the Girlfriends

Choose to keep the commitments you have made today for one month. So much of the Christian walk is wrapped up in the word "choice." A choice is a deliberate action and purposeful decision. We can choose where and how we spend our time. 

A daily time alone with God in prayer and Bible study will strengthen you to face whatever life throws at you this year. Check out Mary's weekly online Bible study, Light for the Journey, for practical ways to tap into the power of God's Word. The first study of 2013 is Power Up With Proverbs, and it's not too late to join!

FREE MP3son Mary's website in the Freebies Section!

Do you or someone you love struggle with depression? Mary's book, Hope in the Midst of Depression,offers practical steps you can take to get out and stay out of that pit. And be sure to connect with Mary on Facebook or through email.

[Judy Harder]

February 7, 2013
A Marriage Destroyed by Words
Sharon Jaynes

(My devotions will focus on marriage for the month of February. If you're not married, I encourage you to read them anyway! And while you're reading, pray for your friends that are married.  Believe me, they will appreciate it. Also, give a special blessing by passing these devotions along to them! Here we go...)

Today's Truth

"Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word, nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it," (Ephesians 4:29 Amplified).

Friend to Friend

I talked to a friend of mine about what went so wrong in his marriage that led to divorce. Girlfriend, we need to pay attention to his response.

"When I met Jona at the beach retreat," Don explained, "I was struck by her vivacious, fun attitude. Oh and did I mention, she looked great in her purple bathing suit? (This is 20 years later and he still remembers the color!)  She stole my heart and as soon as we got home from the retreat, I called and asked her out."

I had always been a people pleaser.  At first I was always trying to please my parents, then I moved to pleasing my friends, and when I met Jona, I always tried to please her as well.  We were soon married and I couldn't have been happier. She was so encouraging, loving, and supportive.  After a few years of marriage and several poor financial decisions, I began to see her lose her respect for me. That was most evident in the words she spoke."

"In the past everything I touched turned to gold. I was president of the student body, won athletic awards, and succeeded in business. As a result, I over promised to Jona and expected her to trust me. Jona was the one person I wanted approval from and the one person from whom I was not getting it. She grew frustrated, angry and bitter towards me. She also withdrew physically, which was the crowning blow to my manhood."

Jona said things like, "If you cared about us, you wouldn't make all these bad decisions, you're a loser, you're worthless."

"I'm not putting all the blame of our past marriage problems on Jona. I was shooting for the moon instead of a ten yard gain. I was trying to hit a homerun instead of a base hit. But honestly, once I realized Jona had lost respect for me, I felt the marriage was over. Her words cut too deep and no bandage could stop the bleeding."

I asked Don what could have made a difference and prevented the eventual separation and divorce.

"If she had said, 'I'm with you, Don,' or 'Let's work on this together' or 'How can I help?' it would have made all the difference in the world. I didn't feel like we were on the same team. Instead, she said, 'If you don't fix it, I will.' Instead of constantly pointing out my failures, because believe me, I knew what they were, encouraging words would have made all the difference."

"At one point," Don said with tears in his eyes, "I found a list of 80 things that Jona didn't like about me and 3 things she did like. That list broke my heart. She had no intention of me finding the list, but I happened across it one day when I was looking for something. That was the final nail in the coffin. Jona had nothing but disdain for me. A marriage without respect is no marriage. I saw no hope."

After Don and Jona's divorce, he met a woman who gave him all the adoration and encouragement that his wife had not. She was gentle, soft spoken, affectionate, hung on his shoulder, smiled at him, and was very affirming. Her beautiful spirit was a breath of fresh air.

"Don," I asked, "what advice do you have for a woman who is withholding encouraging words or perhaps cutting her husband down with critical jabs?"

"I don't think any single thing takes away a man's strength of character more than the loss of respect," he said. "Don't dwell on his weakness, but dwell on the positives. Men are in a fight for our lives. We are at war mentally. We're out there trying to conquer the world.  A man needs to know that home is a safe place to be instead of feeling like you're leaving one battle for another."

Maybe you have not been giving encouraging words to your husband lately? Perhaps it has been so long you've forgotten how? I hope Don's and Jona's story stirs your heart to build up that man of yours and become the woman of his dreams.

Think back to when you were dating. What did you admire about that young man that captured your heart?  Look for an opportunity to praise him, but make sure it is genuine.  Find one attribute, character trait or task that he does well and begin there. If you are out of practice, this may be difficult at first. But I can promise you, it will become easier with time, especially when you see the results on your husband's face and his attitude towards you.

Let's Pray

Lord, oh how easy it is to see my husband's flaws and ignore my own. Help me to use my words to plant seeds of love and encouragement and not weeds of bitterness and discouragement. I commit this very day to not use my words to tear my man down, but only to build him up. Help me to be like Job and put my hand over my mouth if any negative words attempt to escape my lips (Job 40:4).

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Are you feeling brave? Really brave?

If so, look up the following verses:  [Proverbs 11:22; 19:13; 25:24; 21:19; 27:15-16]

Now, if you are willing to not be a dripping faucet this week, click over to my blog page and leave a comment that says, "I'm not going to be a drip today!"

If you read to the end of today's devotion, I'm proud of you! You will have a special surprise. Don and Jona reconciled and were remarried! If you'd like to read about how that happened, click over to my website and read the article God Can Resurrect Your Marriage from the Ashes.

More From the Girlfriends

14-Day Romancing Your Husband Challenge: How would you like to join your girlfriends in a 14-day Romancing Your Husband Challenge? Click over to www.sharonjaynes.com, click on the challenge sign-up button in the right column of the home page, and your 14-day challenge emails will begin. Come on girlfriend, February is the love month - it's time to spice up your marriage.

February is the month of love and a wonderful time to contemplate our marriages.  Do you want to become the woman of your husband's dreams? The woman who makes him sorry to leave in the morning and eager to come home at night? Then you'll want to read Becoming the Woman of His Dreams for an insightful look at the wonderful, unique, and God-ordained role only you have in your husband's life.

[Judy Harder]

Add Life to Your Years
Gwen Smith
Today's Truth

In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. (John 1:4, NIV84)

Friend To Friend

One difficult morning six years ago, I wanted to hurl my screaming alarm clock into an abyss. The warmth of my covers and the safety of sleep beckoned my heart to stay, linger and forget what lay ahead of me that day. On that afternoon, I would sing for the funeral of a precious 18 year-old family friend who had died in a tragic car accident.

Her name was Macie. She was a girl who lived life to enjoy life. She babysat my kids and would often catch a ride home from church with us. She always had a spring in her step, a hug for a child, a kind word on her lips, and a sweet smile on her face. To know Macie was to love Macie. So, as you can imagine, my heart ached intensely when she died.

The sorrow messed with me.

It was heavy. Everything about her death seemed wrong. She was so young. So vibrant. So loved. I longed to turn back the hands of time and alter the course of Macie's demise. I wanted her to magically appear at the service and tell us that it was all just a big misunderstanding. That she was fine! I wanted her to be fine. I wanted her to be alive.

My angst eventually gave way to peace as I remembered that she was fine – because she was alive in the perfect presence of God. The late Barbara Johnson said, "You never know when your time is going to expire, so remember: as you add years to your life, it is more important to add life to your years." Macie only lived on this earth for 18 short years, but she added life to her years when she surrendered her heart to Jesus Christ a year before her death. I imagine that she is now skipping along streets of gold, worshiping God whole-heartedly, and loving on the two babies of mine that are in heaven. She always loved taking care of babies.

The Spirit of God and the knowledge of Macie's salvation consoled me, yet I still had to choose to praise God through my grief. In the sadness, I had to choose to bless the Lord for His perfect plan. Even though His plan didn't line up with my expectations. Even though those plans left many hearts heavy with ache. God's grace enabled me to see rays of light in the dark loss because Macie had professed her faith in Christ and was prepared to meet Him when she breathed her final breath.

Adding life to your years is all about Jesus. In John 10:10  Jesus said, "I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full." We can all know hope and peace in Christ. "In Him was life, and that life was the light of men." (John 1:4) Jesus came to give us life, plain and simple. Radical, audacious, full, abundant, joy-filled life that begins with the forgiveness that He offers us freely. Do you know that forgiveness?

Live today in the fullness of Jesus... in response to His grace and goodness. Colossians 2:6-7 says, "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."  Let's determine to live each day filled with purposed thankfulness as we worship God and point others to Him in love.

It was a sad day when I said goodbye to Macie. After leaving the graveside, I went home, hugged on my children and loved on my husband a bit more than normal. Her death reminded me just how important it is to add life to my years. It's important for you too.

Live in the moment. God has a plan for your now.

Let's Pray

Dear Lord, Thank You for offering eternal life through the perfect and complete sacrifice of Jesus. Thank you for replacing my human hopelessness with your divine hope. Please help me look past the distractions and disappointments of this world and to live each day to the fullest – in You. In Jesus's name, amen.

Now It's Your Turn

As we are not guaranteed tomorrow, I would like to direct you to add life to your years today...

Is there someone who you have offended, won't forgive, are holding a grudge against or owe an apology to?  Contact them today and attempt to make peace before the sun goes down.
Hug your loved ones. Say, "I love you." Focus on what really matters.
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)  Reach out to someone that is hurting. Pray for her.
Read John 1.
More From The Girlfriends

READY TO LIVE FULLY? I'm living proof that it is possible for anyone. God delights to deliver us from our hard places in and through the pain. Experience God's healing and hope in your life today as you read Broken Into Beautiful. To order the book, go to Amazon, your favorite Christian bookstore, or for a signed copy, order from www.GwenSmith.net.

Like FREE stuff? (Who doesn't, right?) Swing by Gwen's new website and get a free song download when you sign up for her newsletter. The site is filled with videos, posts, songs and resources that we believe will be a deep well of encouragement to you.

[Judy Harder]

February 11, 2013
Step Away from the Shore
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

"Between three and six o'clock in the morning, Jesus came to them, walking on the water" (Matthew 14:25, NCV).

Friend to Friend

Faith is the ability to trust what we cannot see. John Shedd says, "A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." Faith is willing to take risks, embrace the unseen and step away from the safety of the shore. We fear the outcome or don't understand the step God has asked us to take. We are afraid to fail and are more concerned about our "reputation" as a Christian than we are about being obedient to God. As long as the enemy can keep us preoccupied with a selfish perspective, our faith is impotent.

Authentic faith naturally produces action, but faith is hindered unless we abandon ourselves to that faith. Did you know that the African impala can jump to a height of over ten feet and cover a distance of greater than thirty feet? Yet these magnificent creatures can be kept in any zoo by a three-foot wall. The animals will not jump if they cannot see where their feet will land.

Many people say they do believe God is who He says He is and that He is able to do what He says he will do but falter at the point of believing that God is willing to work in their lives. If we don't believe He is willing to keep His promises, we are not walking in faith. Oh, we find it easy to agree mentally with the truth that we serve a powerful God who loves us and has a great plan for our life, but that belief is worthless until it settles in our hearts and changes the way we live.  If we don't live it, we don't really believe it. If we are not willing to step away from the shore, we will miss so much of what God has for us in life.

The story is told of Will Rogers who came to his friend, Eddie Cantor, for advice. Will wanted to make some important changes in his act but was worried about the danger of such changes, explaining that he wasn't sure if they would work. Eddie Cantor's response was, "Why not go out on a limb? That's where the fruit is!" The same is true of faith.

Faith believes that God is willing. The life of Jesus Christ is the embodiment of God's willingness to work in our lives. The disciples had personally witnessed God's willingness to save His children. Yet, in Matthew 14, we find them in a boat, caught in a storm, afraid and still questioning God's willingness to rescue them. Did they cry out in fear? Yes! Did He come? Yes!

Jesus came to the disciples, walking on the water, between three and six o'clock in the morning, the darkest time of the night. I have often wished I could have been on that boat with the disciples, waiting for Jesus to show up. I imagine the questions and complaints were flying. "Why would Jesus send us out here, knowing the waves were high? Where is He? Why is He waiting so long to rescue us? Can't He just calm the waves like He did before? I ministered all day long and this is my reward? Is He really coming? I don't understand!" Sound familiar? It does to me.               

We are quick to believe the lie that God is angry with us and as a result, will not bless our life or meet our needs. The truth is that God is willing and waiting to pour out His favor and blessings on a life of faith. Hebrews tells us that faith always honors God and God always honors faith.  "Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that he is real and that he rewards those who truly want to find him" (Hebrews 11:6 NCV).

I think part of the problem is that we don't know how to define "blessing." A blessing is not always easy, painless, simple, comfortable or expected. A blessing often comes, wrapped in the mystery of darkness. But I am learning the truth that anything that makes us cry out to God can be counted as a blessing. Why? Because when we are desperate and in pain, when we have no answers and the darkness is closing in, we cry out to God, just as the disciples did, and He comes! Not because we have earned His presence or His mercy, but because we cried out with a tiny seed of faith, as His children, knowing He is not only able but He is willing to come. Step away from that shore, girlfriend. He will meet you there.

Let's Pray

Father, I come to You today with a faith that seems so small. I want to believe You, Lord. I want to walk by faith, knowing that You will keep every promise You have ever made. Help my unbelief, Lord.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Read Psalm 86:15 (NIV) "But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness."

Record this verse in your journal. Then make a list of the words in this verse that describe God. What do these words tell you about God's willingness to bless your life?

What is the first step of faith you need to take today? Are you willing to take it right now?

More from the Girlfriends

The "Fear Factor" is not just a television show. Many women deal with paralyzing fear on a daily basis. Fear makes everything seem bigger than it really is, wastes energy and contaminates life itself. Mary's Bible Study, Getting a Grip on Fear uncovers God's plan for peace and identifies five ways to deal with and be free from fear.

A daily time alone with God in prayer and Bible study will strengthen you to face whatever life throws at you. Check out Mary's weekly online Bible study, Light for the Journey, for practical ways to tap into the power of God's Word. The first study of 2013 is Power Up With Proverbs, and it's not too late to join!

[Judy Harder]

What do You do When You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling?

Sharon Jaynes

(My devotions will focus on marriage for the month of February. If you're not married, I encourage you to read them anyway! And while you're reading, pray for your friends that are married.  Believe me, they will appreciate it. Also, give a special blessing by passing these devotions along to them! Here we go...)

Today's Truth

"Yet I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love," (Revelation 2:4 NIV). 

Friend to Friend

"We've lost that lovin' feelin'," the guys crones on the radio. And I sit there and think to myself, "Stop whining man! Love's not a feelin' in the first place. That was your problem to being with!"

Now, that sounds a little cynical, I know. But can I be honest? I get so weary of people talking about falling in and out of love, like it is something you can turn off and on like an electric blanket to warm you up on a chilly night. Love is a commitment. I married my husband because I loved him. Now I love him because I married him. If we let our hearts be jerked around because how we're feeling on any given day, then we're headed on a never ending roller coaster ride that will leave us heart sick and soul sore. (I'm feeling feisty today. Can you tell?)

OK, so what do you do if you've "lost that lovin' feelin'"? Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can't remember why. Maybe you admired his finer qualities, but now you can't remember what they were.  Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now take them for granted. What do you do now?

Here's a statistic you might find interesting. According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier. In fact, nearly 60 percent of those who rated their marriage as unhappy in one survey, and who stayed married, rated their same marriage "very happy" or "quite happy" when re-interviewed five years later. In comparison, those who divorced and remarried, divorced again at a rate of 60 percent.

So, starting over may very well be the answer ... as long as it's with the same man.

In the book of Revelation in the Bible, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus. "Yet I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love" (Revelation 2:4).  Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament and yet, somewhere along the way, they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ. Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.

And it is the same way in many marriages. Many men and women have forgotten their first love. Somewhere between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running carpool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, folding the laundry...somewhere among the mundane routine of life, they've lost that lovin' feelin'.

So how do you get it back? God gave the church two simple steps for the Bride of Christ to renew her passion for her Beloved, and I believe we can apply the same principles to renewing your passion for the man of your dreams.

Remember and Return

Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place?  Remember how you tried to please him, capture his heart, and win his affection? That may have been fifty pounds and a full head of hair ago, but that young man who longed to be adored, admired, and appreciated still lives within his heart. He wants to know if he still "has what it takes." Let him know that he does.

Everyone loves a love story. Tell your children the story of how you first met and fell in love. Remember special days such as your first date, your first kiss, or when you first realized he was the man you wanted to marry.

Listen to a tape or watch a video of your wedding. Steve and I celebrate not only our wedding anniversary but also the day he asked me to marry him. I'm sure my son has tired of hearing the story time and time again, but he's never doubted that his parents are crazy about each other.

Listen, if we tried to hang on to that "lovin' feelin'" 24/7, it would be like continually popping a beach ball up in the air to try and keep it from touching the ground. On the other hand, we CAN commit to love 24/7. And while we're at it, we can stir up some of that lovin' feelin' to go along with it.

Let's Pray

Dear Lord, I so want to be a woman that is on fire for You. I want my spiritual passion to be ablaze and never cool. Likewise, I want my marriage to be a passionate example of Christ and the Church. Help me to always remember what drew me to my husband and show me ways to keep that love strong.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

If you have kids, tell them the story of how you met and fell in love with your husband at the dinner table tonight.

If you aren't married, tell someone how you met Jesus Christ and gave your life to Him.

If you are married, write down what drew you to your husband initially.

If you are not married, write down what you long for in the man of your dreams.

Let's share some ideas.  Click over to my blog page and tell one way you keep the love alive in your marriage.

More from the Girlfriends

14-Day Romancing Your Husband Challenge: How would you like to join your girlfriends in a 14-day Romancing Your Husband Challenge? Click over to www.sharonjaynes.com, click on the challenge sign-up button in the right column of the home page, and your 14-day challenge emails will begin. Come on girlfriend, February is the love month - it's time to spice up your marriage.

February is the month of love and a wonderful time to contemplate our marriages. Do you want to become the woman of your husband's dreams? The woman who makes him sorry to leave in the morning and eager to come home at night? Then you'll want to read my book, Becoming the Woman of His Dreams – Seven Qualities Every Man LongsFor.

In it I interviewed hundreds of men to find out what they really wanted, and many of their answers are in the book. They were honest. They were vulnerable. You might be surprised.

[Judy Harder]

Celebrate Jesus!
Mary Southerland
Today's Truth

Then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins. He canceled the record that contained the charges against us. He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ's cross (Colossians 2:13-14, NLT).

Friend to Friend

I love the story of a man who came home from work, picked up the paper and settled into his favorite chair for a few precious and well-deserved moments of solitude after a long day at work. He had just begun to relax when his son burst through the front door. Spotting his dad, the little boy raced across the room, flung himself against his father's knees and said, "Daddy, I love you!" The father gave him a pat on the head and said rather absentmindedly, "Yes, Son, I love you, too." Picking up his paper, the father continued reading, but the boy was not satisfied. He leaned a little further into the newspaper barricade and said, "But Daddy, I really, really love you!" The man took a deep breath, put the paper down and hugging the boy said, "Yes, Son. I love you just as much." Again, he picked the paper up and resumed reading. Finally, the little boy could not stand it any longer! He jumped up on his father's lap, crushing the newspaper and any thoughts of relaxation the dad might have had. "Son, what is it that you want?" the father tiredly asked. In response, the boy threw his arms around his dad and gave him a big squeeze, explaining, "I love you so much, Daddy, and I've just got to do something about it!"

That is exactly what God said to Jesus. "Son, I love them so much that I have to do something about it!" Then He sent His one and only perfect Son to earth where He would live and die for you and for me. God's love is an unconditional love – a love with no strings attached – a love worth celebrating.

In the Bible, we find the story of a sinful woman, a prostitute who had spent her entire life seeking a love with no strings attached. Then Jesus came to town and into her life, and everything changed.  When Simon, one of the local Pharisees, invited Jesus to his home for dinner, the sinful woman walked through her shame and fear, and went to meet Jesus. Everyone at the party, including Simon, knew who she was. Simon would never have allowed this kind of woman to enter his home, but when a Rabbi was invited to someone's house, others could stop by and listen to the conversation. She came, knowing that everyone at the party would recognize and judge her, but her desire to meet Jesus was greater than her pride.

Emptiness and sin eating away at her soul, this woman was tired of being used, unwanted and unloved. She came, and Jesus met her there, love and forgiveness in His hands. As the love of Jesus enveloped her very soul, she fell at His feet, weeping tears of worship and praise. Her natural response was to love Him so much that she had to do something about it! In her hands was her most precious possession, a bottle of very expensive perfume she used in her "business." This woman was not wealthy by any means and worked the streets, selling her body in order to live. She could have put a small amount on the feet of Jesus, and it would have been a great financial sacrifice. But she brought it all and gave it all. She came, totally abandoning herself and all she had to Jesus. His response was to love her, unconditionally and completely.

Like this sinful woman, we are spiritually bankrupt, looking for love in all the wrong places. Jesus came, spelling Himself out in a language you and I can understand – a message of love. There is no condemnation with Him, friend. He adores you just as you are. He wants to spend time with you, laugh with you, dry your tears and fill your heart with new dreams. Today, no matter where you are or where you have been, He stands waiting for you. Come to Him. He loves you, no matter how ugly the sin or how great the failure may be. Come to His love. Celebrate Jesus!

Let's Pray

Father, I recognize Your unconditional love for me. I do not understand it or deserve it, but I know that it is available to me. Thank You for loving me. Today, I accept and celebrate Your love, coming to You just as I am. Please forgive my sin and cleanse my heart and soul. I surrender to You, Your love and Your plan for my life.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Right now– celebrate God's unconditional love. Read and memorize Romans 8:38-39.
Right now – celebrate your spiritual bankruptcy. Read and memorize Romans 3:23.
Right now – celebrate God's payment for your sin. Read and memorize John 3:16.
Right now – celebrate and walk, by faith, in His unconditional love and forgiveness! Read and memorize Romans 5:5.
More from the Girlfriends

I can get so busy that I tend to go through each day, unaware of God's work around me. I take His unconditional love for granted. I forget just how much Jesus paid with His death on the cross so that I can take each step of my day in peace and victory. Join me in making a new commitment to celebrate Jesus every moment...of every day.

A daily time alone with God in prayer and Bible study will strengthen you to face whatever life throws at you. Check out Mary's weekly online Bible study, Light for the Journey, for practical ways to tap into the power of God's Word. The first study of 2013 is Power Up With Proverbs, and it's not too late to join!

[Judy Harder]

Words can Captivate Your Man
Sharon Jaynes

(My devotions will focus on marriage for the month of February. If you're not married, I encourage you to read them anyway! And while you're reading, pray for your friends that are married.  Believe me, they will appreciate it. Also, give a special blessing by passing these devotions along to them! Here we go...)

Today's Truth

"A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies," (Proverbs 31:10NIV).

Friend to Friend

Today, I want you to use your imagination. I want you to imagine your husband sitting at his desk or at a quiet place at work. Imagine him lost in thought about how blessed he is to have you as his wife. He holds your framed picture in his hand and moisture begins to pool in his eyes. He is captivated.

All the riches in the world are not to be compared with the jewel I have in this woman, he muses. What did I ever do to deserve her? God has given me such a gift. All our married life, she has done nothing but love me, bring out the best in me, and look out for my best interest. All the guys at the office are envious of our relationship.  I see the way their eyes soften when she comes by just to tell me hello, grabs my hand when we're at office functions, or pecks me on the cheek for no apparent reason. I notice that her loving words to me are in stark contrast to some of the cutting remarks of other wives...and so do my friends. I look around at the accomplishments of my life, but having this woman as my wife is my greatest. Oh sure, there are many women out there in the world who are accomplishing great feats, but my wife...well, she surpasses them all.         

What a picture!  That's the woman I want to be, don't you? And amazingly my words can be the determining factor as to whether this scenario is possible or not. Did you know that there are words your husband longs to hear? Let me give you a few from my book, The Power of a Woman's Words.

Words Your Husband Longs to Hear

I've been thinking about you all day.
What can I do for you today?
How can I pray for you today?
The best part of my day is when you come home.
You are one of God's most precious gifts to me.
You are so wonderful.
You look so handsome today.
I don't feel complete without you.
I will always love you.
I trust your decisions.
Today, pick just one of these phrases.  Try it out on your husband and watch his eyes light up! When you love your husband well, God says "Well done, my good and faithful servant!"

Let's Pray

Dear LORD, thank you for giving me the gift of my husband. Help me to never forget that one of the greatest places of ministry is in the home, and that You are well pleased when I love my husband well. Help me to love my husband with my words and my actions today.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Just as there are words that your husband longs to hear, there are words he doesn't. I don't think God looks at us and says "Well done," when these words come out of our mouths.  Here are just a few:

I told you so.
You're always in a bad mood.
You just don't think.
It's all your fault.
What's wrong with you?
All you ever do is complain.
I can't do anything to please you.
You made your bed, now lie in it.
You should have thought about that before.
You never listen to me.
Now, go back up the list in the devotion.  Which list more reflects the words that you speak to your husband?

Which list do you want to reflect the words that you speak to your husband?

Is there anything you need to do to change?

Click over to my blog page and tell me which one of those verbal love gifts you said to your husband today. Don't be shy. Fess up!

More from the Girlfriends

14-Day Romancing Your Husband Challenge: How would you like to join your girlfriends in a 14-day Romancing Your Husband challenge? Click over to www.sharonjaynes.com, click on the challenge sign-up in the right column of the home page, and your 14-day challenge emails will begin. Come on girlfriend, February is the love month - it's time to spice up your marriage.

I don't know anyone who doesn't want to have a great marriage.  However, so much depends on us. Many times the answer is right under our nose...our words. If you would like to learn more about how to use your words wisely, see my book, The Power of a Woman's Words and The Power of a Woman's Words Bible study. Also, if your marriage could use a bit of sprucing up, check out Becoming the Woman of His Dreams – Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For.

[Judy Harder]

Buddy Straps
Gwen Smith

Today's Truth

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NLT)

Friend To Friend

Every family has one... that certain individual who gets injured and banged up more than their fair share. That person who spends the majority of your family's health care budget on their co-pay needs because, for whatever reason, accidents mysteriously, regularly and relentlessly hunt them down and throw a good bit of hurt on them. In our family, this person is my teenaged son, Preston.

We've been up, down and all around when it comes to Preston's breaks, bandages and bruises. So it was a bit old-hat to be sitting in a small examining room last winter, waiting to see the doctor about yet another injury. This one happened in gym class at school. Preston climbed up a rope, made it to the top, and then had the bright idea of letting go of the rope instead of scaling down safely. Brilliant. He broke his big toe... in the middle of basketball season.

The doctor looked over the x-rays and, in spite of the break, had good news for us: Preston only had a hairline fracture in his toe. It would heal quickly. He would be immobilized in a funky shoe for a week or two, and then he would be able to get back to playing basketball as soon as the pain subsided.

As we prepped to leave, the doctor instructed Preston that once he was able to put weight on his foot, he would need to use a "buddy strap." The strap would hold his broken toe snugly to the healthy toe right beside it for support. A nurse then handed my son a few black Velcro strips and explained that he should wear them to play basketball as soon as his pain was manageable. The support of the buddy straps would help him get back in the game quickly.

My eyebrows raised and my mind reeled as I pondered the similarities between buddy straps and friendships. There are a million times when my heart or circumstances are fractured. Each wound and challenge threatens to keep me immobilized both emotionally and spiritually. In those times, it always benefits me to first seek refuge in the stable arms of God and to then buddy-strap my heart to a few godly girlfriends. As the psalmist cried out, so I cry out:

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken (Psalm 62:5-6, ESV).

Then, after seeking God, as I ready myself to put one foot in front of another, my girlfriends rally as my buddy straps and provide prayer support, wisdom and encouragement. When one friend is weak because of life-fractures, it is a blessing for a strong and healthy friend to come along side to help her.

We need each other as Christian women. That's what Girlfriends in God is all about: women encouraging other women in faith and in life. When Sharon, Mary and I co-founded GiG, it was purposed to spur you toward the heart of God through devotions and conferences. In real life, we are buddy straps for each other. Our lives are filled with as many life-fractures as the next person... so we often rally to speak words of encouragement, truth and hope to one another. At times, we even speak correction. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17).

Where does this find you today? Do you have some life-fractures and challenges? Are you the buddy strap to any of your friends who are struggling? Perhaps you've got both going on. If so, then praise God. Praise Him for trials – which can grow you in perseverance, character and hope (Romans 5:4) and for His provision of friends in your life that love you, challenge you and cheer you on through the hard times. And praise Him for the opportunity to be a buddy strap in return.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NLT).

Let's Pray

Dear Lord, Thank You for giving me access to Your grace and strength through Your Son, Jesus Christ. You are my Strong Tower, my Refuge, my Shelter, my Help and my Hope. I am so grateful that when my days are filled with hurt and struggles that You are right beside me – and that You have blessed me with some buddy straps. Please help me encourage my friends toward your grace, hope and truth today.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Who are you a buddy strap to? Are you sensitive to the needs around you or do you not "have the time" to worry about other people's problems?

Think of three girlfriends in your life who have been your buddy straps, then pause to pray for each of them. Bless them today. Send a card or an email. Forward this devotion to them! Text them or post on their wall. Connect to say thanks.

Got a great buddy strap story? I'd love to hear about it! Swing by my facebook page today and leave a comment or a prayer request: www.facebook.com/GwenSmithMusic.

More From The Girlfriends

I love my girlfriends. They are total wild flowers in the bouquet of my life. When my children were young, Brad and I moved several times in just a few years. That made it hard for me to connect with other women. If you find yourself in a place where you need some women friends, I encourage you to contact the Women's Ministry Director at your church and let her know your need. Sharon, Mary and I truly love doing life with you and are blessed to encourage you through these devotions and at the conferences where we speak. We'd love to meet you and hug your neck in person! Check our website to see when one of the GiGs might be coming to an event near you.

[Judy Harder]

The Green-Eyed Monster
Mary Southerland

Today's Truth

Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.

(Exodus 34:14)

Friend to Friend

Shakespeare described jealousy as "the green-eyed monster." I once heard it described as "the gangrene of the soul." Not a lovely picture, is it? In fact, in human terms, jealousy is usually thought of as a negative trait we need to carefully guard against.

The root idea in the Old Testament word jealous is "to become intensely red" and refers to how rising emotion colors our faces when something or someone very dear to us is threatened. Been there? I have! In fact, both the Old and New Testament words for jealousy are also translated "zeal." In other words, being jealous and being zealous are basically the same in the Bible. God is zealous – eager about protecting what is precious to Him. Such jealousy compels God to pursue each one of us relentlessly, no matter how we try to evade Him with our indifferent attitude or our propensity for sin. The jealousy of God is comparable to the jealous, protective passion of a parent for a child. As a mother, I know what that kind of love is like.

When our son was only six weeks old, he developed a potentially serious medical condition. When the doctor told us to immediately bring Jered to the hospital for tests, I panicked. Dan rushed home from work and we raced to the hospital where we were met by caring nurses and our wonderful pediatrician. After an extensive exam, the doctor said, "Okay. Let's get an IV in this little man and get him upstairs for x-rays." Seeing the look on my face, Dr. Schultz wrapped his arm around my shoulders and said, "He is going to be fine. We will take good care of him." Words of comfort, but they were not nearly enough to assuage my anguish as I pictured needles being thrust into my precious baby. And he couldn't eat in case they had to do surgery! Jered was all about eating. After his regular feeding time came and went, he screamed for food until he was hoarse. I cried along with him because I knew he was hungry, but I couldn't feed him or make him understand why I couldn't feed him.

The nurses, obviously accustomed to dealing with almost hysterical mothers like me, reassured me repeatedly that everything was going to be fine. I wanted proof! This was not just any baby they were dealing with. Jered was my baby! I fully expected the claws to pop out of the ends of my fingers at any moment because, for the first time in my life, I understood what a mama bear must feel like when her cub is threatened.

The nurse assigned to insert Jered's IV was wonderful. I held him tightly as she expertly inserted the needle and quickly secured it with surgical tape. She then took a Styrofoam cup, cut it in half and taped it over the needle so Jered couldn't accidently kick it out. And let me tell you, he was indeed kicking at this point!

The nurse then left the room so I could rock my baby and try to calm him down. Just as he drifted off to sleep, the door slammed open. An x-ray technician wheeled a gurney into the room and sharply ordered, "Let's go!" He had no idea who he was dealing with. My husband did and quickly took charge, escorting the technician into the hallway. "We will carry Jeredup to the x-ray floor and will be glad to follow you," he told the man, "but we will not need that gurney until we get there." The technician started to argue but evidently reconsidered when his eyes found mine and he caught my death glare. "Fine," he said and grabbed the IV pole and told us to follow him.

When we reached the x-ray unit, Dan gently pried Jered out of my arms and laid him on the gurney. The technician said, "We are really backed up today so let's make this quick!" He then jerked the gurney and the IV pole in opposite directions, yanking out the carefully inserted and securely taped IV. Blood spurted out of my son's leg, and he began to scream.

I don't exactly remember what happened next, but Dan does. He says I scooped Jered up in my arms and stomped my foot so loudly that nurses came running as I growled at the offending young man. I guess the technician had reached his patience limit, too, because he glared back at me and said, "Lady, do you need to leave this unit?" Dan began calculating how he was going to raise my bail money when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw me approach the doomed technician, plant my finger in his chest, and whisper through clenched teeth, "Listen carefully to me, young man. I know you have a job to do, but you need to understand something right now! This is my baby! I am not going anywhere! And you need to watch how you treat him!" The young man quickly apologized ... as did I ... sort of ... but I meant every word I had spoken. Fortunately, the x-rays confirmed that Jered did not need to have surgery. Afterward, he gulped down twofull bottles in record time, and I let the technician live – and we headed home instead of to jail. I was and still am a jealous parent, passionate and zealous about my children.

Don't doubt for a minute that God is jealous for you, Girlfriend. He is standing right beside you, wrapping His arms of love around your wounded heart. Listen closely as He declares that you are His child. You belong to Him and He is not going anywhere! He is El Kannah, forever with you and pursuing you with all of His love-filled heart.

Let's Pray

Father God, I am just flat-out amazed by the way You love me. To think that You are jealous for me rocks my world! I know me ... and I simply cannot comprehend why You love me so much. But God, by sheer faith, I thank You and praise You for loving me and pursuing me – even when I don't want to be found. Thank You for never letting me go. Help me to love You more and share that love with others.

In Jesus's name,

Amen.

Now It's Your Turn

Read Deuteronomy 28:14: "You must not turn away from any of the commands I am giving you today, nor follow after other gods and worship them" (NLT).

Notice that God first mentions turning away from His commands before He warns us not to follow or worship other gods. What is the relationship between the two commands?

Examine your life for anything that stands between you and God. Are you willing to lay it down today? Write out a prayer of commitment in your journal.

More from the Girlfriends

Check out Mary's weekly online Bible study, Light for the Journey, for practical ways to tap into the power of God's Word. The first study of 2013 is Power Up With Proverbs, and since each lesson stands alone, it's not too late to join.

FREE MP3s on Mary's website in the Freebies Section.

Do you or someone you love struggle with depression? Mary's book, Hope in the Midst of Depression,offers practical steps you can take to get out and stay out of that pit. And be sure to connect with Mary on Facebookor through email.

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Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
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