NOW, I have heard Everything? !!!!

[frawin]

Judy, I love it, that is a good one.
Frank

[Judy Harder]

Operation


A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips
reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon
agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery, she found 3 roses carefully placed
beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.  'I thought I asked you not  to tell
anyone about my operation!'

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the
first rose was from him: 'I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.'

'The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and  empathized
because she had the same procedure done some time ago.'

'And what about the third rose ?' she asked.

'That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.

[Judy Harder]

OLD TIMER SEX

              The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first
              time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the
village
              tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

              'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

              'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and
              we can do it for old time's sake?'

              'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

              A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation
              and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to
              see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep
              an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

              The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each
              other f or support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get
              to the back of the tavern and make their way to the
              fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man
              drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence,
              the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into
              the most furious sex that the policeman has ever
              seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both
              are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.
              Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

              The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned
              something about life and old age that he didn't know. 

              After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the
              old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
               
              The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is
              truly amazing, I've got to ask them what t heir secret is.

              So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me,
              but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic
              sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

              Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years
              ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
                     

[Diane Amberg]

 Ahem...

[Lookatmeknow!!]

Oh, Judy!!!

[pam]

 

[Tobina+1]

(gasp) JUDY!  You post the religious thoughts for the day... and then you post these (funny) jokes!?  That's great!

[Judy Harder]

tobina..........don't you know God likes a laugh too.
Just think about it.

He created us........He made us the way we are...........He made my funny bone (and yours)
So, it is all HIS fault when we dare to laugh at other things.
I just know HE laughs right along with us!!! LOL.

I have cleaned up my posting a lot..........I use to share all my emails with everyone I knew.
Then I have recieved a few ( I must say that most of the X rated or suggestive ones came from my cousin who passed on and she was the daughter of a Pastor............and her brother keeps me entertained now), that I have to delete.............. I can't decide if Teresa would have a heart attack or not..
I just keep it clean-er now.
Judy

[Teresa]

Teresa have a heart attack over a joke??

((You don't know Teresa very well now do you?))   

But in this forum.. we have to try to keep it somewhat in control and clean..

No heart attacks for Teresa.. but there are others who would have cardiac arrest. ..( or would at least publicly ACT like they would  )

[Carl Harrod]

You might get a chuckle from this: (I hope it doesn't offend anyone)

Doctors Never Laugh 
..the Doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a Patient.'
Okay then, the patient said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started Giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. 'I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen' he replied.