Another giggle for this Political year

[Judy Harder]

The  Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota.

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, "Obama, I think John Mc. is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating."

The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), Reid said to Obama, "Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?"

Obama replied, "Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.

'EXPERIENCE'     It really does make A huge difference.

[Teresa]

A SWABBY JOKE:

The Chief noticed a new Seaman one day and barked at him to get over here.

'What is your name?' was the first thing the Chief asked the new guy.

'George,' the new guy replied.

The Chief scowled, 'Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal pansy ass stuff they're teaching Sailors in bootcamp today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my
Sailors by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Chief. Do I make myself clear'?

'Aye, aye, Chief!'

'Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name ?'

The new guy sighed and said, 'Darling. My name is George Darling, Chief!'

'Okay----------------- George, here's what I want you to do...'

[Teresa]

How To Save The Government $5 Million

A president's pension currently is $191,300 per year.

Assuming the next president lives to age 80.

Sen McCain would receive ZERO pension as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president.

Sen Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms and would receive $4,973,800 in pension.

Therefore it would certainly make economic sense to elect McCain in November.

How's that for non partisan thinking???

[Teresa]

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Politician: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"

The waiter replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?"

[flo]

now, that's funny

[frawin]

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day.



Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give houses to all the homeless people.'

'Wow...what a worthy goal.'  I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guys hang out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds while her mom glared at me, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'
     
I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party!'

Her folks still aren't talking to me.

[Teresa]

On television today a Democratic operative pointed out that when Obama holds a rally 25-30,000 people show up, whereas when McCain holds one he only draws 10-15,000.
The Republican spokesman replied, "That's because McCain's supporters are at work."

[Diane Amberg]

 

[Judy Harder]

'Walking Eagle'
Senator BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York .  HE spoke for almost an hour on HIS future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should HE one day become the President. HE referred to HIS career as a Senator, how he had signed 'YES' for every Indian issue that came to HIS desk for approval. Although the Senator was vague on the details of HIS  plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about HIS future ideas for helping HIS  'red sisters and brothers'.

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they  came to select the new name they had given to the Senator.   They explained that 'Walking Eagle' is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

[frawin]

Judy, those American Indians are really wise people. That is a good one.