Dems Pelosi Desperately Attempts To Reinforce Final Al Qaeda Outpost In Iraq

[Warph]

The news that Al Qaeda in Iraq has been soundly beaten and is on the verge of annihilation, was met with worries and a quick call to action on Capitol Hill today.  In an attempt to salvage some semblance of victory for the embattled fighters, Congressional Democrats voted early Thursday to approve funding that would provide desperately needed supplies for the group.

"There is no question but that they are in a bad way," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.  "What began as a glorious campaign against the American occupiers, has taken a turn for the worse.  These culturally equal individuals have been shot at, had missiles fired at them, and been made to miss at least one of their five daily prayers on several occasions.  What's more, our polling data shows that a full 100% of them are living below the poverty line!  If it weren't for that fact that many of them have dual citizenship between their home countries and Holland, they wouldn't even be receiving welfare payments or free health care. But I have sponsored legislation that will go a long way towards turning the tide back in favor of these brave freedom fighters."

Pelosi's bill calls for two battalions of Code Pink protesters to be sent to Iraq immediately.  They will be deployed at key positions to block advancing U.S. Marines.

"We were toying with the idea of using the Code Pinkers against the Iraqi forces as well, but it turns out that they are even less enlightened than our own barbaric military personnel," Pelosi said.  "During one of the ladies' patented 'Breasts Not Bombs' rallies in Fallujah recently, the Iraqi commander ordered them at gunpoint to put their shirts back on while his men screamed and covered their eyes. "

These elite protest battalions will bring with them a host of sorely needed supplies including:   clean placards, new magic markers, and sturdy wood slats for making state-of-the art anti-American-miliary signs;  teddy bears, dolls;  and blood-splattered rubble for use in AP photographs depicting the barbarity of U.S. troops; the direct number for the head of the ACLU;  several cases of Goat Fancy magazine