Political Humor

[sixdogsmom]

 

[Teresa]

John McCain and Barack Obama are bickering over what to do when they catch Osama bin Laden. Obama wants to bring him to trial. John McCain wants to shoot him.
I said, "Guys — how about somebody finding him first!"

*David Letterman*

[Warph]

A Democratic strategist finds himself at the Pearly Gates. The strategist is taken inside Heaven by St. Peter and given a guided tour. He's led into one huge room that is full of millions of clocks, and he notices a clock with his name on it that has stopped.

St. Peter explains that everyone has a clock that counts down the seconds of their life, and when someone dies, their clock stops.

All this fascinates the strategist but when he examines all of the other clocks, he notices that some of the clocks' second hands are
moving faster than others.

St. Peter explains that every time someone tells a lie, which is a sin, they lose part of their life, so their clock's second hand ends up moving faster.

The Democratic strategist looks around but doesn't see Barack Obama's clock, so he asks St. Peter where it is. "Oh," answers St. Peter, "that's being used as a ceiling fan."

[Warph]

Hilary Clinton is busy trying to do the duties of being a Senator.

She goes for her usual check-up when her doctor informs her that
she is pregnant. She is furious at this news and the minute she leaves
the doctor's office she calls up Bill and begins to yell at him.

"How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now,
you go and get me pregnant! How could you??!!! I can't believe this!
I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!!
Well, what have you got to say???"

All she hears on the other line is silence.

She screams again, "Did you hear me??!!"

Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says,
"Who is this?"

[Teresa]

 

That's funny....

[sixdogsmom]

Funny, but old, very old!   

[Warph]

I'm sorry, SixDogs.... did you mean the joke or you???   

[Warph]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline company, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best Universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the Successes of our sons. ..What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...What a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

[Judy Harder]

Barack Hussein Obama, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate, is for banning all guns in America .
He is considered by those who have dealt with him, as a little more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent rural elementary school meeting in North Texas , he asked the audience for total quiet. Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands a child in America dies from gun violence.'
Little Johnny with a proud Texas Drawl, pierced the quiet!
'Well, stupid, stop clapping!'

[Catwoman]

LOL, Judy!!!! :-) :-)