Letter to the Bank

[Teresa]

This is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have
it published in the New York Times.
  (verified by Snopes)



Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to
pay my plumber last Month. By my calculations, three
nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the
arrival in my account Of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to
the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which,
I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended
for seizing that brief WIndow of opportunity, and also for debiting my
account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me
to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your
telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has
become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no
longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to
open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I
require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages,
but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about
me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her
medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory
details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and
liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN
number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled
it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account
balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON
FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am
sleeping

# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is
required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that
Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

# 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The
contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated
answering service.

# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on
occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration Of the call regrettably, but again following your
example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this
new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman)
'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE " US SENIORS" !!!!!

And remember; Don't make old ladies mad. They don't
like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set them off.

[flo]

  this is just great and there are business establishments that make you feel that way.  When I have to press 1 for english then listen to gibberish and press 2, I hang up.