Giggles for 2008

[Judy Harder]

CHINESE SICK LEAVE - " I NO COME WORK TODAY"

Hung Chow calls into work and says, " Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I no come work."

The boss says, " I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon...you got nice house. "




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[frawin]

JUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was a good bad one.
Frank

[Lookatmeknow!!]

 

[Diane Amberg]

whoo-hooo!

[sixdogsmom]

Velly Baaaadddd!!! 

[Judy Harder]

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong.


Sometimes it is embarrassing.


There's nothing worse than a receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.


I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.


An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"


"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say


things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.


The receptionist replied, "You've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."


The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone."


The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.


The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"


"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.


The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.


"And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"


"I can't pee out of it," he replied.


The waiting room erupted in laughter.


Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!

[Judy Harder]

YOU'VE GOTTA LOVE DRUNK PEOPLE

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"  He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.  "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?  I think you
should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

[flo]

John Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord . . "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute"
John Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies "A penny"
John Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute"

[flo]

Three friends from the local congregation were asked
"When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"

Artie said "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man"

Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives"

Al said "I'd like them to say "Look, he's moving !"

[Teresa]

Why Parents Drink!!!!

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up predominately on the pillow that was addresses to 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and mom. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all of her piercings, tattoos, tight biker clothes and the fact that she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion.... Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said we will be very happy. She owns her own trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves an d trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry dad, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm
sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son

P.S. none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you, Call me when it's safe to come home...
Have a Great weekend !