Giggles for 2008

[T. Sackett]

HATE YOUR JOB?

When you have a "I Hate My Job" day, (even if retired you have those sometimes) try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.  When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.  Open the package and remove the thrermometer.  Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.  You will notice that in small print there is a statement:  "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the termometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE  A - -THAN YOURS!

[Judy Harder]

GRANDMA STILL DRIVES- She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:


Dear Grand-daughter:

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, And then he leaned out of his window and screamed, For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO! What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started Waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger Stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window And gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!


A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is When I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon, Love, Grandma

[sixdogsmom]

I Love it! 

[Carl Harrod]

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband

[sixdogsmom]

Yes Carl, you will probably learn yet!! 

[Diane Amberg]

Yuk, yuk....what a hoot!

[Jo McDonald]

 
 






A recent study found the average American golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found American golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, American golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
                             Kind of makes you proud.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Diane Amberg]

    Cute!

[Judy Harder]

THE COLONOSCOPY......
> >
> > I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.
> > His new nurse, Evelyn , took me to an examining room
> > and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor
could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.
>
> After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While
waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next
to the exam table: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove and a beer.

> > When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little
confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for
And I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?

> > At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed
> > over to the door he flung the door open and yelled to his nurse.......

> > Evelyn !!!!!!!!!!!
> >
> > I said a BUTT LIGHT "

[W. Gray]

I fell off my chair.

When I get my 2008 annual physical exam, if I can remember to do so, I will copy that joke and leave a copy with both the doctor and the nurse.

It seems like the nurse spends as much preliminary time with me as the doctor.