Giggles for 2008

[Judy Harder]

NEVER TICK OFF A NURSE...

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff.
None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but finally even she had had enough.
She came into his room and announced, 'I have to take your temperature.'

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

'No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, 'but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer.'

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, 'I have to get something.

Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!'

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out.

He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing.

After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.

'What's going on here?' asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, 'What's the matter, Doc?
Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?'

After a pause, the doctor confesses, 'Not with a carnation.'

[Judy Harder]

Let me tell you about my doctor.  He is very good.  If you tell him you want a second opinion, he will go out and come in again.

He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.

While he was talking to me his nurse came in and said, 'Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he is invisible.' The doctor said, 'Tell him I can't see him.'

Another time a man came running in the office and yelled, 'Doctor, doctor, my son just swallowed a roll of film.' The doctor calmly replied, 'Let's just wait and see what develops.'

One patient came in and said, 'Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.' The doctor asked, 'When did it start?  ' The man replied, 'When did what start?'

I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears.  His advice: 'Don't answer it.'

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, 'Doctor, I think I'm a bell.' The doctor gave him some pills and said, 'Here, take these.  If they don't work, give me a ring.'

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, 'Go sit over there.  I'll deal with you later.'

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.

You know, doctors can be so frustrating.  You wait a month and a half for an appointment, and he says, 'I wish you had come to me sooner.'

[Teresa]

    Sunburn...........

           A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets horrible sunburn.

           He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted.
After being diagnosed with second degree burns.

           With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribes continuous intravenous feeding with Saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

           The nurse, who is rather astounded, says, 'What good will Viagra do for him, doctor?'

           The doctor replied, 'It'll keep the sheets off his legs.'

[frawin]

I changed a couple of words that I felt would offend some .
Frank


Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Dumb a__. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So Mary called him a s____ head.  He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

[Diane Amberg]

My word ! I think I just hurt myself laughing too hard.

[Judy Harder]

   Oh, To Be 6  Again...
   
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.  Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her  Birthday.
 
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. 
 
  On the morning of her Birthday, he arose
early, made her a nice big bowl of  Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
 
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was  reeling and her stomach felt  upside down.
 
  He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra  fries and a chocolate shake.
 
  Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,   M&M's . What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband  and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and  lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'
 
  Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my  dress size, you dumb ass!'
 
  The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong

[Teresa]

Tick Warning! 
 
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally...but this one is real, and it's important.
So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.


If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! 
THIS IS A SCAM!!

They only want to see you naked.  

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

[sixdogsmom]

Folks you can disregard the above warning, as the perptrator is lying dead on my front porch from shock and horror! LOL!!! 

[Diane Amberg]

 

[flo]

  that there's funny, I don't care who you are