Giggles for 2008

[flo]

A teacher asked her class, who could give her a sentence using the word "fascinate"
Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "This summer we went to Disney World and it was really fascinating.
Teacher said fine, but she just wanted the word "fascinate"
Little Susie raised her hand and said they had gone on a cross country trip and she was fascinated by the sights.
Teacher said fine, but she just wanted the word "fascinate"
Little Bobby raised his hand and said "My sister has a new blouse.  It has 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fascinate."

[Ole Granny]

  Cute

[Judy Harder]

Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. One day they were seen pounding a sign into the ground, that said::

"DA END ISS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE"

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash... Rev. Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say 'Bridge Out'?"





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[Teresa]

You know? I can relate to this 150%.   

[Ole Granny]

Yes, it happens! If you're 150% - I must be 250%.

[Teresa]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.




WOMEN'S REVENGE


"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."



UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
And still be afraid of a spider.



MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?




CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
Balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,
Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
And she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
Papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... So does she.
( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )




WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
The husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."




W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"




CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!




WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
Should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
You should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
That the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
And showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"



The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
Other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
He would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed hi s flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see! why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.




God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

[Lookatmeknow!!]

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.



Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: "God, please give me the strength to cross the river"



Poof!.....God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.






After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river"



Poof!......God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.



Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God,please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river"



Poof!.....He was turned into a woman.  She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.



GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!



"If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!"

[pam]

LOL!

[Teresa]

One day a blonde, brunette and red head walk into a bar. They all see a sign at the back room laed "Magic Mirror" so to their curiosity the ask the bartender "What do ya got in that room?" The bartender says "well thats the magic mirror in that room. Anyone who enter it must tell the truth to it and those who do are granted a wish!" The blonde shocked asks "And what if they lie?" "well they get sucked into the mirror and never return" replies the bartender.
Thinking its a good idea, all three women enter the room. The Brunette goes to the mirror and says "Magic Mirror, i think i am the most beautiful women in the world!" The Mirror say "It is so . . . You are granted one wish" "I want to have unlimited wealth!" replies the brunette and all of a sudden unlimited amounts of money fills her purse and pockets. Astounded the red head pushes the blonde aside and goes to the mirror saying "Magic Mirror, I think i am the fairest of them all!" The Mirror replies "Let it be known . . . You are granted one wish" " I want eternal happiness!" replies the red head and she became happier then ever before.
Finally its the blondes turn. She ponders about what she is and was astounded at what the other two women got. Finally she decides its time to go to the mirror. "Magic Mirror, I think . . . . " ...she was never seen again.

[flo]

from one blonde to another - ROFLMAO