Chuckles

[heather_tyler_2014]

uh-oh i i think we have a political fued eeeeeeshhh

[Judy Harder]

3 Kids Fishing
Barak Obama was out jogging one morning along the
parkway when  he tripped, fell over the bridge railing
and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3
kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland
      Barak said, 'No problem, I'll take you there
on my special Senator's airplane.'
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike
Air Jordan 's shoes.'
Barak said, 'I'll get them for you and even
have Michael Jordan sign them!'
The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built  in TV and stereo headset!'
Barak was a little perplexed by this and said,
'But you don't  look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out
I saved your ass  from drowning!'

[Judy Harder]

>>          ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION
>>
>>         BLESS ME FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED. I HAVE BEEN WITH A LOOSE
>>GIRL'.
>>
>>
>>         The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Parisi?
>>         'Yes, Father, it is.'
>>
>>           'And who was the girl you were with?'
>>
>>         'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
>>
>>         Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you
>>may
>>         as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
>>
>>         'I cannot say.
>>
>>         'Was it Teresa Volpe?
>>
>>         'I'll never tell.
>>
>>         'Was it Nina Capelli?
>>
>>         'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.
>>
>>         'Was it Cathy Piriano?
>>
>>         'My lips are sealed.
>>
>>         'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?
>>
>>         'Please , Father, I cannot tell you.
>>
>>         The priest sighs in frustration.' You're very tight lipped, Joey
>>         Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
>>You
>>         cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave
>>         yourself.'
>>
>>         Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
>>         whispers, 'What'd you get?'
>>
>>         "Four months' vacation and five good leads!!"

[pam]

Lol, that's funny

[frawin]

JUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE IN RARE FORM TODAY.
Frank

[Jo McDonald]

How to save the Goverment ( YOU) 5 Million Dollars

A President's pension currently is $191,300 per year.
Assuming the next president lives to age 80. Sen. McCain would receive ZERO pension as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president. Sen. Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms and would receive $4,973,800 in pension.

Therefore it would certainly make economic sense to elect McCain in November.
How's that for non-partisan thinking???

[Dale Smith]

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a  million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars .

But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a homo.

[flo]

Three little boys were sitting pondering why no one wanted to be on their ball team.  They finally decided it was probably because none of them had been baptized so off they go in search of a preacher to baptize them.  The first church they came to they entered and seen the man.  They relayed their problem to him and asked if he would baptize them, not knowing that the man was the janitor.  He replied of course he would and one by one dunked each boy's head in the stool.  After they left the church one asked wonder what religion they were now.  First one said not Methodist, cause they just sprinkle some water on your head.  Second boy said not Baptist cause they dunk your whole body in the water.  Third one said he was sure they was Episcapailian and the others wanted to know why he thought that.  He replied, I'm sure cause did you get a whiff of that water he used?

[Jo McDonald]

Leroy and Letia go to a revival and listen to the preacher.

After awhile the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front at the altar.

Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: 'Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you.'

Leroy replies: 'Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.'

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy..

After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks 'Leroy, how is your hearing now?'

Leroy says, 'I don't know, Reverend, it ain't till next Wednesday!

[dnalexander]

Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

Dale very funny!

Potentially I would consider sleeping with Brad Pitt if I got paid a million dollars. If I invested wisely in the stock market and potentially  turned that million in to 100 million I might potentially be able to convince Angelina Jolie to have a fling with me. Realistically I realize that is just a fantasy and I will find someone better. Be Realistic, but don't stop dreaming.

DNA