Chuckles

[Carl Harrod]

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful th ey were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid si licone drink for single women . Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

[Diane Amberg]

  I think I tore something

[Jo McDonald]

  Two Little Boys


After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys

a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.

As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.

' Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!' she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.

'We were just playing 'church' mommy, ' he said.

'And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes.'

[frawin]

New Bumper Sticker:
A TAXPAYER VOTING FOR BARACK OBAMA IS LIKE A CHICKEN VOTING FOR COLONEL SANDERS

[Jo McDonald]

Oh My Gosh !!!  What a hoot.

Thanks for the grin, Frank.

Jo

[Dale Smith]

Baptist Cowboy

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of  MILLER LIGHT . He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

[heather_tyler_2014]

                                                   DONT LEVE EM' HANGIN

       ralph and edna were both patients in a mental hospital.One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.he sank to the bottom and stayed there.edna promptly jumped in to save him, she swam to the bottom and pulled him out. when the head nurse became aware of edna's heroic action's she immediatly ordered she be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.when she went to tell edna the new's she said," edna i have good and bad new's for you.the good new's is that your'e being discharged; since you were able to rational to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient,i have concluded that your act display's sound mindedness. THe bad new's is that Ralph the the patient you saved,hung himself with a bathrobe belt in the bathroom.i am sorry but, Ralph is dead."

                        Edna replied,"he didn't hang himself.I put him thier to dry.How soon can i go home?"



                       doesn't that sound just right ??   

[heather_tyler_2014]

                                                    SMART PILL'S

One day 2 boy's were walking through the wood's and they saw some rabbitt turd's.One of the boy's said "what is that?"

             "There smart pill's."said the other boy"eat them and they'll make you smarter."
              so he ate them and said " they taste like crap."
               "see," said the boy, "your'e getting smarter already."   lol

[frawin]

New Bumper Sticker I saw today:

THE ONLY PLACE DEMOCRATS WANT TO DRILL
               YOUR WALLET

[pam]