Lena and Ole.....and others

[Judy Harder]

LENA and OLE ---
Lena is pregnant with Ole's child.
Late one night, Lena vakes up Ole
and says, 'I tink it's time!'
So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere
tractor and took her
to the hospital to have their
first baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor
looked over at Ole and
said, 'A son! Ain't dat Great!
' Well, Ole got excited by dis,
but yust den the doctor spoke
up and said,
'Hold on! We ain't finished yet!
' The doctor den held up
a little girl..  He said, 'Hey, Ole!
You got you a daughter!
' She's a pretty little ting, too.'
Ole got kind of puzzled by this,
an then the doctor said,
'Holey Moley, Ole we still ain't
done yet!' The doctor then
delivered another boy and said,
Ole, you yust had yourself
another boy!'
Ole was flabbergasted by this news!
A couple days later, Ole brought
Lena and their three Children
home in the self-propelled combine.
  He was real serious and he asked
Lena , 'How come we got tree on
the first try?'
Lena said, 'You remember dat night
we ran out of Vaseline and You vent
out in the garage and got dat dere
3-in-1 Oil?'
Ole said, 'Yeah, I do... Uffda!
It's a darn good ting I didn't get
the  WD-40.

 
 

[Judy Harder]

I started to put this in politics and know not everyone will go in there now, so here is today's funny ha ha.


The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip &Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment. Bless his heart.