(IN)Courage

[Judy Harder]

A Sunday Scripture
Jan 13, 2013 12:20 am | incourage




Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do,
but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.
Hebrews 10:24-25

[Judy Harder]

The Year I Didn't Go To Hilton Head
Jan 15, 2013 12:20 am | Deidra


We're counting down to April 26 & 27 when our (in) real life conference kicks off!  In the meantime, this month we're delighted to be featuring a few of our favorite posts from women who participated in last year's event. We're sharing them here so you can get a peek at what all the excitement is about. Then be sure and register here — it's FREE!

Did I ever tell you about the time I didn't go to Hilton Head with the ladies from (in)courage? Who am I kidding? Of course I didn't tell you. It's not something I like to brag about. Because it's not brag-worthy. But it's the truth.

For each of the past three years, DaySpring has invited the writers of (in)courage to a retreat at a beach house on Hilton Head Island. The first year I received the email inviting me to join the crew, I nearly fell off my chair with excitement. I got up and danced around the family room. I slid across the kitchen floor a la Tom Cruise (with pants on). I could not believe I was being given such an amazing opportunity! I was rejoicing! My husband had to bob and weave to keep from running into me as I cavorted about in my glee.



Well, the closer the time came for the actual get together, the more nervous I became. I'd read the words those brilliant and brave (in)courage women wrote and I'd feel less and less sure that I would fit in. My resolve began to seep out of my pores like garlic after a meal at the Italian restaurant downtown. I kept "forgetting" to book my flight.

In the end, I made an excuse and I stayed home that weekend. I regretted every minute of it. Photos and blog posts about the retreat on Hilton Head were all over the internet, all weekend long. For weeks and months afterward, those photos and blog posts just kept coming. I was miserable. I cried. I sulked. I chided myself for being so small and so weak.



At the end of that miserable weekend, my husband looked at me and said, "Listen. If they ever do that Hilton Head thing again, or if they ever meet up anywhere, anytime, ever again...you're going. Whatever it takes. You're going." He hardly ever tells me what to do, and when he does, he's not joking. He's dead serious.

So, the next year, I went. And it was glorious. We're just women. Women who don't have all the answers, and who laugh loudly, and who cry big tears when our hearts have been broken. We have fears and insecurities and amazing talent and spectacular faith in God. And sometimes our faith disintegrates into dust and we do the wrong thing or speak the wrong words. Because we're women. Just like you.





I'm telling you this because I know there are women who didn't get to (in)RL last year – for whatever reason. I know there was a lot of talking and Tweeting about it. There were photos. Lots of photos. And it may seem as if you were the only person who didn't experience (in)RL.

Maybe you tend to shy away from community altogether. Maybe the thought of trying to fit in sends you into a panic. I just wanted to let you know that I've been there. But you should know that, when you're not there, you are missed. I want you to know that yes, you'll fit in! You might sweat through your t-shirt, or lose your breakfast on your way to the small group, or lose sleep the night before. But it will be worth it. It will. We were meant for each other. God made us for community. As bad as that sweaty shirt, or lost breakfast, or sleepless night might sound, they don't come close to living life without community.



How do you feel about walking into a group of women you've never met?

Have you ever talked yourself out of an opportunity to experience community?

You're each invited, you know. It's free, it's fun, and it's so rewarding to connect with other sisters in Christ beyond the blog post. Tune in from home on Friday to watch the Webcast and meetup with friends on Saturday and watch together. Go on, you're much braver than you think. Just CLICK HERE to register.



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Perfect Plans
Jan 15, 2013 12:10 am | Kim Hyland


We're counting down to April 26 & 27 when our (in) real life conference kicks off! And these are a few of our favorite posts from women who participated in last year's event. We're sharing them here so you can get a peek at what all the excitement is about and come and join us. Register here — it's FREE!

Saturday I hosted an (in)Real Life meetup . . well kinda. You know, the one I've been planning, posting, and Facebooking about for a month now. The one I talked to all my friends about, invited the ladies from my Bible study to, announced in church. The one I prayed over, planned for, got way more creative than is normal for me, stayed up way too late to prepare for, woke up way too early Saturday morning cause I was so excited to welcome my friends.




Yeah, that one.

It was an incredible day. Full of surprises.

Like a failed internet connection.

And it didn't fail until everyone had arrived, and it was too late to cancel what I had scheduled and promoted as a full one-day retreat. I had no "Plan B."

"Man makes his plans, but God directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

As I made frantic calls to the internet company and tried every technological option my very "un-techy" mind could think of, I prayed pleading prayers.

"God, do you see me here? Do you understand how badly I need this internet to work? How disastrous this is going to be if it doesn't? What the heck am I supposed to do with all these women who've come to my house with the expectation of a really great time of learning and encouragement that I am totally unprepared to deliver WITHOUT THIS VIDEO??!!!!! I love you. You're really great. Pleeeeeeeease. Amen."

Slowly, the undeniable reality of my predicament began to settle in. My heart was in my throat. Hiding in the bathroom and crying was a tempting but unrealistic option. God and the internet remained silent.

Defeatedly, I looked up from the computer. And I saw my roomful of friends milling around my kitchen enjoying coffee, fruit, and pastries. The warm buzz of conversation was filling the air. Not a single one of them looked like they were ready to cry mutiny. Instead, they were all smiling, engaging each other in conversation, laughing, communing. They looked surprisingly like . . community.


The vision for the (in)Real Life event was to connect women to real life community. The kind you can touch. It wasn't the way I planned, but what happened accomplished exactly that! Using the handouts as our discussion starters, we had phenomenal conversations. Our hearts were knit together and to God. We laughed, cried, worshiped, learned, and ate. Old friends were reunited, friendships were strengthened, new friendships were birthed. We enjoyed and celebrated community. It was an incredible day.


I'm looking forward to purchasing the (in)RL dvd, inviting back all my gracious friends plus all those who couldn't make it, and enjoying the wisdom of the (in)courage writers.

The truth is I'm still a little disappointed that we didn't get to watch the lovely ladies of (in)courage as they sat sharing on the couch. But by God's grace . .

. . we got to be them.

By: Kim

You're each invited, you know. It's free, it's fun, and it's so rewarding to connect with other sisters in Christ beyond the blog post. Tune in from home on Friday to watch the Webcast and meetup with friends on Saturday and watch together. Go on, you're much braver than you think. Just CLICK HERE to register.

 

[Judy Harder]

Ruined For Good
Jan 16, 2013 12:10 am | Lysa




If you have kids, then I'm sure you've felt the frustration of having things ruined. Maybe you've experienced grape juice on the carpet, scratches on hardwood floors, permanent ink on your favorite shirt, or something similar. Ashley once went up the stairway with a crayon putting tick marks on our freshly painted walls with each step she took. Then she dragged the crayon all the way down the hall to her room. Yes, I said freshly painted walls. I wanted to pull my hair out by the roots!

I'd like to be a mom who handles mishaps and messes with a graceful, "That's okay, Dear." But I'm wired with firecrackers in my blood. So, I have to make the choice to let the Holy Spirit reign me in. This means getting into God's Word every day and praying for Him to give me grace, patience and self-control. I have to make the choice every day to invite God's spirit to interrupt my fleshly tendencies so that I can have gentle answers that turn away wrath.

God helps me with this through perspective changers. He shows me a different way to look at and process things that trigger my emotions. In response to my frustration with my kids ruining things, He gave me a sweet change of perspective that improved my outlook and diffused my anger.

While visiting Art's parents, I took a liking to a writing desk in their home. I mentioned to my mother-in-law that I'd love to have it if she ever decided to get rid of it. But she was quick to tell me that she would never get rid of it because it was priceless. She unlatched the fold-down lid to reveal what made this desk so priceless. In a little boy's handwriting the letters A-R-T were scratched onto the surface. She admitted to being angry with my husband when this happened, but now the scratches that seemed to have ruined her desk are priceless treasures to her. Her little boy's handwriting is saved for her to cherish and remember. The desk had been ruined ... for good.

By Lysa TerKeurst

Sometimes it can be really hard to keep our emotions in control when things don't go our way. In Lysa's new book, Unglued, she shares personal experiences and scriptural wisdom to help us make right, godly and healthy decisions with our reactions. Click here to order your copy today!

[Judy Harder]

Hints of Future Passions
Jan 17, 2013 12:40 am | The Nester




When I was a new mom it seemed like the toy stage would never end. At 11 and 12 my two youngest boys are aging out of most toys. My oldest stopped playing with toys at 13 and LEGOs are the only toy my youngest two have played with for a few years.  Recently, I walked into their room and I heard them playing but they didn't know I was there. And I heard some of the most beautiful noises I've ever laid ears on. Sound effects of airplanes and ATVs and dogs barking and pretend scenarios with natural disasters, waterlogged motorboats and fast moving motorcycles,  it was glorious and I never wanted it to end. I could have sat there all day I begged for time to stand still.

I'm the girl who played Barbies until I was 15 (yes, that's years, yes, I'm embarrassed) and I know how that one fresh piece can spur hours of creative play. Looking back, I wasn't actually playing.  I didn't care about the dorky dolls, I was creating houses and decorating.  Now I see how that served me so well. And I think it's the same with my boys. I watch for signs of future passions as they play.  One builds for building sake to see what he can create, another plans escape routes for disasters.

I'm looking forward to another year of pretend and creativity.  I want it to last as long as possible.

Do you remember playing as a child that seemed simply fun and pointless at the time but looking back it fed into a passion and helped point to who you were created to be?  A journal? An art set? A baby doll? An Easy Bake Oven? A pocket knife...


Getting Out Of My Box
Jan 17, 2013 12:10 am | Paula


We're counting down to April 26 & 27 when our (in) real life conference kicks off! And these are a few of our favorite posts from women who participated in last year's event. We're sharing them here so you can get a peek at what all the excitement is about and come and join us. Register here — it's FREE!



Sharing my life on this little place in cyberspace is pretty easy for me to do. I'm just typing the words onto my screen. I'm not having to actually come up with the words in a face to face conversation. That is hard, and I like the easy life.

For (in)RL I got out of my box. I got out of this computer box where I do a lot of my socializing and went face to face. It all started a couple of weeks ago when I saw the invitation to (in)RL. The premise is to meet these cyber friends in real life. These people who live in your real community, meet face to face. We all share a common heavenly Father, now let's come together as the sisters we are.

It was really nerve racking for me. I had reasons I shouldn't sign up.

I'm too introverted, so I'll have a hard time talking when I get there. I don't know anyone. We're moving that week, so I'm just too busy.

My husband encouraged me to just do it, so I did.

I had little time to think about it much the next week, since I was trying to get all our belongings moved. Then it was done. We were all moved and I had time to think.

Then came more excuses. I have so much to unpack and catch up on. I really shouldn't go. I don't know anybody. Who would want to meet me anyway? I was stuck in a crappy attitude all week and wasn't sure if I could handle going into a crowded room with a bunch of women I didn't know.

But I went. I met some women that I had only seen on twitter, read their blog, and some I had never met at all, but they're my neighbors. Isn't this a crazy time we live in where we meet friends on the computer and find they live 5-10 minutes away!

I was not the only one there who had fears. I was there with normal women, women who have fears, women who have crazy lives like mine, some of them blog about it, and some don't. We were all there together – daughters of one Father, sisters relating to one another.

We heard some amazing testimonies of community and how God can work and show himself through it, via the (in)rl video. We shared coffee, chocolate, laughter, and some tears. We also had the opportunity to win some amazing prizes from Dayspring. I won this awesome coffee cup.



She didn't have to be perfect because she was... Perfectly Loved {1 John 4:8}

I am excited to do this again. Maybe some of these sisters can come to my house next time. I am most excited that these online friends are now faces that I've seen.

Thank you God for courage to make new friends!

Thank you (in)courage for putting this un-conference together!

Thank you Allison and Anna for being the sweetest hosts!

By: Paula

Photo courtesy of Dawn Camp

You're each invited, you know. It's free, it's fun, and it's so rewarding to connect with other sisters in Christ beyond the blog post. Tune in from home on Friday to watch the Webcast and meetup with friends on Saturday and watch together. Go on, you're much braver than you think. Just CLICK HERE to register.

[Judy Harder]

Mothers, Strangers...and Angels
Jan 18, 2013 12:20 am | Robin Dance




It took me a split second to process what was happening when he fell on top of me; though my feet were planted in the check-out line at Walgreens, I was a thousand miles away, agitated and completely out of sorts.
*

*

*

I'm convinced satan delights in the chaos and conflict that so often accompanies a family getting ready for church.  Left socks and right shoes mysteriously go missing, an empty milk carton replaces the "full" one from last night, the gas gauge salutes the "E".

And on a Sunday morning a few weeks before Christmas, my husband and I had an argument, the kind where no one and everyone is right.  The ride to church seemed twice as long as smoldering silence displaced the miles.

Worship was good, living water extinguishing fire, but residual embers flickered on the way home.  At least softening conversation replaced the previous ride's silence.

We had attended the early service because we were hosting a dozen students for dinner that evening.  Living less than an hour from my daughter's college, we thought a home-cooked meal for her and her hallmates would be the perfect exam week kick-off.

The menu was simple, two different soups, cornbread, salad and my oft begged for White Wine Cake; since everything was homemade, it would take a while.  We had picked up a Christmas tree the day before, and though decorating it and the rest of our home usually takes me a few days, I wanted it pretty for the girls.  On top of all this, having just returned from Germany, I was still jetlagging.

I had a lot to do.

We ended up three strands short of lighting our Christmas tree; when I had pulled out last years' lights, ten strands didn't work or I could have easily finished the night before.  To make efficient use of time, after church we decided to stop at Walmart on the way home; no matter how much I detest going there, no one does one-stop shopping better and as inexpensively.

To my dismay and duress, they were completely out of white lights.  Three weeks before Christmas, and not a single strand of plain white lights at Walmart?!  I couldn't believe it; it would mean another stop elsewhere.

Grumbling and inconvenienced, I completed our shopping.  Time was ticking.  Mentally prioritizing what was realistic to accomplish with the remainder of time I had until the girls arrived, I begrudgingly pushed decorating to the end of my list.

Still, since it was right across the street, we decided to stop at Walgreens to pick up lights there.

My husband and son waited in the car while I ran inside.  Right away I found 100-count white lights, furious they weren't on sale.  I've never paid five dollars for lights!  I picked up three boxes and stormed to check out.

Thankfully, the line was short, three people including me.  Apparently the lady at the front had a morning like mine, raving and ranting to that poor cashier about "bait and switch" and "the flyer is very deceptive" and "I just don't think that's right to do that to your customers" when Customer #2 in line decided to cut things short.

Without a sound, he passed out on top of me, my body breaking his descent to the floor.
We froze as time stopped.

When my brain caught up two seconds later I squatted low, my face close to his.  His head turns toward mine and I wonder Alcohol? but his eyes wide and clear tell me no, and I'm ashamed for thinking it first.  A single tear punctuated the outside corners of each eye.  I noticed that.

"Sir, can you tell me your name?" Lord, Lord, what do I say or do next?

"Oscar Hendley," his soft reply.*

I grasped his wrist so he could feel life and I could feel his, and though I don't recall ever feeling hot and clammy skin before, I sensed it immediately.

The cashier squalked into the telephone, "Someone call 9-1-1!  We have a customer who's passed out!" and it sounds far away though she's two feet from me.

"Mr. Hendley, do you know where you are?" and he whispers "The drugstore."  There's an odd reel of Marcus Welby and ER running through my mind, and subconsciously I'm rolodexing for something more current.  First aid classes, life saving training, CPR...anything.  Wisdom, Lord, peace...."love him with words" is what I hear, so I do.

I keep wanting to loosen his non-existent tie.  He's dressed neatly – tan sweater, brown pants, loafers – and I ask him if he'd like me to help him remove his black leather jacket.  His skin is hot but he shakes his head no.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"  Five, he says.

"Can you tell me your birthday?"  May 28th.

"Which one did you celebrate this year?" I want him to think.  "I'm 71."

"Well, I wouldn't have guessed that, Mr. Hendley, are you sure you're telling the truth?" and that curls his lips but only a little.

The pharmacist is by my side now and she asks if he has a Med-alert bracelet on.  I feel stupid for not already checking his other wrist (but he doesn't).

He's got a bag of prescriptions in his right hand still holding tight, no interest in sitting up.  He tells me this has happened a time or two and that he was actually going to the doctor today.  I wonder if he's confused because it's Sunday, but I don't question him further.

The pharmacist has returned with her blood pressure cuff and I hear sirens coming closer.  A police officer walks in.

I back away as they pull him to a chair.  I recount to the officer everything Mr. Hendley told me and he scribbles as fast as I'm speaking.

There's nothing left to do but pay for my lights.

The cashier is kind to me.

"Are you a nurse?" she wants to know.  No ma'am.

"Are you a teacher?" she asks with an ignited curiosity.  I notice that, too.  "No, ma'am, I'm not a teacher."

"WELL, HOW WERE YOU SO CALM?  HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO?" and though I didn't feel like I did anything special, I shrugged and replied with the truth of what moved my feet to action, why I wanted this grandfatherly gentleman to feel love and compassion if he was frightened or alone.

"I'm a mom."
*

*

*

It was only later that it would occur to me that my Divine Appointment with Mr. Hendley was a gift.  My children are older now and they don't need me in the ways they did when they were little; Christmastime is one of those seasons where it is most obvious, and though I love the ages they are now, I find myself looking over my shoulder toward yesteryear.

And, then Mr. Hendley comes along and reminds me that I'll never stop being a mother, and I wondered...Could I possibly have been showing kindness to an angel?!

I wish could thank him.



* of course I didn't use his real name!!

[Judy Harder]

Know Your Calling
Jan 19, 2013 12:20 am | Amber Haines




My blog has been quiet lately, contrary to my plan. Life always does what it does, and some phases last longer than we ever dreamed they would. The holiday season gave us time with family down that Alabama dirt road, and then an ice storm landed us longer than planned with Arkansas family around the fire. My four boys roared in cousin-laughter, sat in the laps of grandparents, and walked quiet ridges watching for squirrels, learning to listen in the silence of the woods.

I, too, have felt so secret, hearing Spirit speak, the conversation growing longer, waking to the voice in my heart still drawing me in. It's a funny thing, too, all the joy that's happening in the quiet.

If you were to peer into my life, you'd see the actual facts. They would list out like a monologue from Debbie Downer. My youngest child struggles to keep from infection, and he struggles to grow. We can't explain it, and it weighs on my every thought, and add to that how my boys actually just watched our dearly loved dog be crushed in our driveway; Grandma just called to tell me goodbye as she thought she was passing from incredible pain; my closest aunt this week slept for a while and then woke in the arms of her maker.

Somehow in my processing after the shootings in Connecticut, I snapped awake and said "of course."  This is all of course, how things get much, much worse before they get better. I keep thinking about pain and what a flash in the pan it has to be compared to glory. It's either that, or God isn't real.

Struggling through I read Ephesians 1. Paul wrote to the church in such a corrupt time. The church had a tendency to act sick, misplace hope, how it still does now, and so he prayed for them, that the eyes of their hearts would be enlightened, that they would know the hope to which they had been called. He reminded them of the true kingdom, the glorious inheritance and the authority, power, and dominion of Christ.

That's it right there! It's hard here, but our calling is to hope in this broken place, and hope calls pain temporary. Hope peels back the veil and enlightens our eyes. Suddenly I see the broken, see things as temptation to lose all hope and to sink low in the darkness, and I see Hope as the greatest element of faith.

Now isn't Faith the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen?

If we believe, the world can crumble and our very eyes witness destruction, but there behind the scenes, hope acts like a pin in my bones. I feel it now, as I long to be in the arms of my aunt again, I am infused with the knowledge of glory.  It feels like the greatest of miracles.

Do you know your calling? Do you know the hope to which you've been called?

post by Amber C Haines

[Judy Harder]

Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.
If you think you are too important to help someone,
you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

So let's not get tired of doing what is good.
At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing
if we don't give up.

Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—
especially to those in the family of faith.
Galatians 6:2-3, 9-10

[Judy Harder]

Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home {Details & Schedule}
Jan 21, 2013 12:05 am | Jessica Turner



What to Expect
We're looking forward to kicking off this study on Prayer with you! Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home is broken down into three parts.  Instead of having the author of the book join us on the couch this time around, we've invited three close friends to join us to each discuss a section. And we're so excited to add Robin Dance's voice to the Bloom team! She'll be here on Bloom for each Chapter study, as well as adding to any discussion in the comments.

There are 21 chapters total in this book- so we'll be featuring about 3-4 chapters per week. Don't let this discourage you, you can always keep up with the latest video posts on Bloom and by subscribing to receive email updates.

You're also invited to join us on our Bloom Facebook Page to interact with other readers!

Buy a Book, Give a Book — and Get Free Shipping!
Right now on DaySpring.com, you can purchase a copy of Prayer for $14.99.

We try our best to make it possible for everyone to participate in the Bloom study, regardless of financial ability to purchase a book. If your financial situation is difficult and you are unable to purchase a book, you can request a free copy this Wednesday. We ask that you only request a copy if you truly can't afford the book and are willing to participate in the study. We have a very limited amount to give away and that will depend on how many sponsored books are purchased.

This is where we could use your help. If you are able to purchase a book for someone in need, DaySpring has set up a "Sponsored Book" option for you.

And when you purchase a copy for yourself as well as a Sponsored Book you can receive free shipping with code BLOOMBOOK! This code is valid on any two book purchase, so it will work if you'd like to purchase two books for yourself or two sponsored books. DaySpring will take care of delivering the sponsored book to a reader in need.

We are so thankful for DaySpring who is providing copies of Prayer for those in need of  a free book. We are also SO thankful for each of you– for stepping in and caring for your fellow Bloom sisters by purchasing a sponsored copy. This need would not be met without you!

If you have any questions about the sponsored program, you can visit the FAQ page found here.

The Schedule
Wednesday,  January 23: Free Book Request

Monday, January 28: Introduce Robin
Wednesday, January 30: Sponsorship Reminder

Monday, February 4: Prayer Giveaway
Wednesday, February 6: Announce Giveaway Winners
Friday, February 8: Introduce Section 1 Guest, RoseAnne Coleman

Monday, February 11: Chapter 1
Wednesday, February 13: Chapter 2 & 3
Friday, February 15: Prayer

Monday, February 18: Chapter 4 & 5
Wednesday, February 20: Chapter 6 & 7
Friday, February 22: Introduce Section 2 Guest, Melissa Greene

Monday, February 25: Chapter 8 & 9
Wednesday, February 27: Chapter 10 & 11
Friday, March 1: Prayer

Monday, March 4: Chapter 12-14
Wednesday, March 6: Introduce Section 3 Guest, Julie Hunt
Friday, March 8: Chapter 15 & 16

Monday, March 11: Chapter 17 & 18
Wednesday, March 13: Chapter 19-21
Friday, March 15: Prayer/ Wrap Up

Can't wait for you to join us!

Love,
Jessica, Angie, & Robin

[Judy Harder]

10 Things I Learned from (in)courage Community Groups
Jan 22, 2013 12:20 am | Stacey




I love that (in)courage truly has built a place for the hearts of women. I feel at home here and it is filled with the most amazing women who are chasing after God and letting His hand write all over their lives. I'm so grateful to be here, aren't you?

This past fall I started hanging out with the leaders of our (in)courage community groups called (in)couragers. They opened the doors of places online for like-minded women to gather, encourage each other, and connect beyond the blog post. It was like watching little lighthouses of encouragement pop up all over the internet.  It was a beautiful sight to see. I also learned a few things along the way as well, and I thought I'd share them with you today:

If you are breathing, you can encourage others.
Everyone needs encouragement.
You don't have to be perfect in a perfect stage of life to encourage someone. You just have to be willing.
We are like Jesus when we encourage.
Hanging out with encouraging women is a good thing.
Prayer is a great way to encourage someone.
Social media was made for encouraging.
Encouragement is like a good cup of coffee on a cold day – it warms you up from the inside out and helps kick start your day.
For women, encourage is a love language.
(in)courage gets encouragement.
We are busy right now planning for our second session of community groups. During our next round we will be expanding existing groups and opening new ones. Our plan is to start on February 12 and go through the end of April. I hope you will make plans now to be part of it. We'll have a place just for you. I promise.

"So speak encouraging words to one another.

Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind.

I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it."

1 Thessalonians 5:11 The Message




Some #inRL Thoughts
Jan 22, 2013 12:10 am | Julie - dutchbeingme


We're counting down to April 26 & 27 when our (in) real life conference kicks off! And these are a few of our favorite posts from women who participated in last year's event. We're sharing them here so you can get a peek at what all the excitement is about and come and join us. Register here — it's FREE!

Over the past couple of years I've been an (in)Courage stalker. Periodically reading a post here and there... finding nuggets of wisdom, being humbled and/or encouraged, as well as learning about myself – and that I'm not alone – along the way.

And then I heard about the (in)RL "conference" that would be held locally all over the world. That anyone could join in no matter where you lived. And then my friend Jen said that she would be hosting one in nearby Grand Rapids.

I was in. Even though I was skeptical about what I was going to learn and wondering who I was going to meet while there. And especially with how I've been feeling about my faith lately. {But that's a whole other story for another time.}

Words cannot begin to express the gratitude that I did. Not only did I cry on Friday night... I felt a leading to do something and take a chance like I haven't felt in a long time. On Saturday, I met new friends, reconnected with those I've known and felt a peace throughout it all.

There were wonderful words spoken by so many gifted women. There were stories of community, stories that brought hope and stories that brought tears. And there was chocolate. {An essential for any gathering of this type!}

The one big thing that I walked away from this all is that I need community. I need people surrounding me. Whether this is family, "in real life" friends or "online buddies"... I need people that know me and know my heart. People that understand when I say that I'm "fine" or "ok" that my world is silently falling apart around me and that confusion is reigning supreme. People that will rejoice with me in where I go next and cry with me about how scared I am. People that will assure me that all will be ok.

I don't know where I'll be a year from now. I may be here in Holland... in Grand Rapids... or maybe in another place somewhere around the world.

But I do know one thing.

I will always have my local community. My blogging friends. And the (in)courage community.

And I will be at {in}RL in 2013. I'm already looking forward to it.

A very special thank you to the team of authors and everyone behind the scenes at (in)courage and Dayspring for putting this together. And especially to Lisa-Jo for being on twitter Friday night, and for what seemed like the ENTIRE day on Saturday (and most of Sunday too)... the inspirational messages and tweets that she shared throughout the time online was uplifting to so many and each of us was blessed by the work that she did.

Did you attend an (in)RL gathering? What were your thoughts?

By: Julie

You're each invited, you know. It's free, it's fun, and it's so rewarding to connect with other sisters in Christ beyond the blog post. Tune in from home on Friday to watch the Webcast and meetup with friends on Saturday and watch together. Go on, you're much braver than you think. Just CLICK HERE to register.

[Judy Harder]

When You're the Mean Girl
Jan 23, 2013 12:20 am | Angela Nazworth




I recently noticed a statement floating through the Twitterverse that stopped me cold. I am not sure where it originated, but it read something like this: "Men shouldn't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other."

I'll admit it. At first, I giggled at the ironic sentiment. There is at least an ounce of truth to the quote that I found humorous. But after the initial hilarity waned, I felt sad because ... well ... there is at least an ounce of truth there. Not always, but sometimes.

If we're going to be really honest with one another, then we'll all admit to having had our feelings hurt by other women. And while we're riding the truth train, let's also admit that the gal staring you down in the mirror has the potential to be a big ole meanie too.

Am I stepping on your toes? Forgive me. I'll give you some space and focus on my own mean girl tendencies for a moment.

Whenever I allow fear or insecurity to grab the steering wheel of my heart, I make poor choices. Honestly ... there are times when I make downright ugly choices. I'll give you an example.

Until I reached my mid-thirties, many people identified me as the "cute little blond." I'm convinced that I didn't look a day older than 23 until I hit 34. That's also the year I gained those 30 pounds I haven't been able to shed. Being "tiny" was part of my identity. Being young and girl-next-door cute was part of my identity. And while those were only ways to pick me out of a crowd, I placed a high value on such characteristics.

So here comes the not-so-nice part.

Sometimes, when I am around women who fit nicely into the "cute and little" mold ... or even worse, the "gorgeous, sexy and shapely" category ... discontentment settles deep into my core and I begin to mentally dissect the flaws of those other girls. I'll silence my tongue and keep my smile honey sweet, but my mean girl's mind will be churning with thoughts like "Vanessa's complexion is looking a little splotchy today," or "Katie's eyes really are quite large for her tiny face."

My critiques don't end with the young and beautiful. You should see how ill-mannered my inner grammar snob behaves when I'm self-conscious about my intelligence. And oh how I've mentally dissed Rachael Ray and Paula Deen those times I've overcooked chicken or burnt cupcakes.

It is true that my tearing down is mostly limited to celebrities and women I don't know at all, but does that make it any better? I don't think so. Here are a few reasons why.

Just because I don't know those women and my thoughts may not even reach their ears doesn't mean God doesn't know them ... and it certainly doesn't mean that God cannot hear my heart. When I look my mean girl tendencies straight in the eye, I also become uncomfortably aware that entertaining them means I'm arguing with God. His word tells me that we are all wonderfully made creations and not some dime-store knickknacks to be examined and tossed set aside as unworthy.

The flaw-finding is also damaging because although it might give me a five minute ego boost, it is a lift that's based on the lie that my value as a human being is measured on beauty, talents and mental faculties. What I wrote above applies me as well ... to all of us. I cannot recognize my true value when I am trying to efface the beauty and talents of others.

Lastly, allowing my inner mean girl center stage rights is a tragic waste of time. It's a waste because such self-centered behavior hinders love. It tempers service and acts of kindness and makes me a lazy giver. My time ... my life ... would be much better spent offering encouragement to each person I encounter and keeping my heart and actions focused on glorifying God and not my fragile ego.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:23-25.