Happy Independence Day

[Judy Harder]

A Peculiarly Male Problem

Although pornographic consumption is on the rise among females, it's still considered—and has historically been—a male problem. But because consumption of pornography is recognized as largely a male issue, and because it usually begins in adolescence, many adults have become increasingly inclined to tell boys that what they're doing is normal. That satisfying their curiosity with pornography, and gratifying their hormonal urges, is a natural right of passage to manhood. This is exceedingly dangerous counsel.

Based upon my counseling experience, I believe the pornography has trapped more young men, and haunted them throughout their adult lives, than any other problem.

Don't misunderstand me. Not all men who struggle with pornography are sexual addicts. However, that's no cause whatsoever to minimize the issue. If you become accustomed to the world of pornographic fantasy you're at great risk to do great damage.

Eventually it will ruin your relationship with God, your feeling of self-worth, your ability to relate to women, and it can potentially destroy your marriage. But even if your marriage does stay intact, pornography steadily and surely steals the potential for true intimacy with your wife. True, you're present in body, but your mind is somewhere else—entertaining thoughts and fantasies of other women who, in their own tragic way, have also been victimized by the pornographic industry. Wake up, men: fantasizing over pornographic images is neither natural nor trivial.   
 

[Judy Harder]

Giving Thanks Through Everything

Thanksgiving goes deep into our national heritage. In fact, the newly formed United States first recognized Thanksgiving as a national holiday during the administration of our country's first president: George Washington. These are words in which President Washington introduced it:

"Whereas, it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor;

[Therefore], both the houses of Congress have...requested me 'to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God...Now, therefore, I do recommend next, to be devoted by the people of the states to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be, that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country."

But men, the call to give thanks goes even deeper into our identity and responsibility as disciples of Jesus Christ. Giving thanks is an essential aspect of worship; and worship is the very reason for our existence. Therefore, men, take the time to reflect on and respond to this question: what has God done in your life that calls for thanksgiving today?

[Judy Harder]

It's Big Business

Guys, when you think of big business in America, what comes to mind? Computers, oil, professional sports, the automotive industry? How about pornography? If it doesn't, it should.

That's because pornography is now considered to be more than a $10 billion-a-year business in America. Yes, you heard me correctly; I said billion! This isn't exactly a new development either. As far back as 1985, the Ladies Home Journal gave an excellent exposé regarding the extent of that industry's sprawling empire. Listen to these findings:

·         Americans spent far more on pornographic material than the $6.2 billion grossed by all three major television networks—ABC, NBC, and CBS—combined.

·         More than 20 million Americans buy sexually oriented magazines every month.

·         Fifteen percent of all videos sold in the United States are sexually explicit in nature.

The problem's not getting better either. In fact, between 1985 and now, pornography's become more accepted by mainstream culture, and more easily accessible to a wider audience—largely through growing mediums like cable and satellite television, and the internet. In other words, pornography possesses a large and ever-growing claim upon the inner lives, the leisure time, and the discretionary income of multiplied millions of Americans.

If you're one of these people, you need to find a way to stop. This isn't a harmless pastime. You're destroying yourself, your loved ones, and contributing to our society's undoing. Seek and secure whatever help you need, like our Every Man's Battle workshop, but please stop!
 

[Judy Harder]

Portrait Of A Son

There once lived a wealthy widower who shared a passion for collecting art with his son. Priceless works adorned the family estate.

Then the war came. The son enlisted, and after only a few weeks, the father's worst fears were realized: his son was killed in action.

Months later the old man, still grieving, answered a knock on the door. "I was a friend of your son," said the stranger at the door, "He was rescuing me when he died. I have something I want to give you." And he gave the father a portrait he had painted of the man's son! It wasn't a masterpiece, but precious nonetheless. The old man was overcome with emotion and gratitude.

When the old man died, his paintings were slated for auction. The event began with a painting that wasn't on the docket—the painting of the man's son.

Bidding opened at $100. Silence. "Who cares about that painting?" someone cried, "Let's get to the good stuff." Voices clamored in agreement.

Finally, an elderly gentleman asked, "Will you take $10? That's all I have, but I knew the lad and would love to have the portrait." After more silence, the auctioneer said, "Going once, going twice. Gone."

Then to everyone's surprise, the auctioneer closed the auction! Stunned disbelief filled the room. "What do you mean?" voices demanded, "There's still millions of dollars of art here!"

The auctioneer replied, "It's really quite simple. According to the will of the father, whoever takes his son gets it all."

It's the same with us . . . whoever takes the Son in faith receives all the Father's benefits!

[Judy Harder]

Who Buys Pornography?

The United States Advisory Board for Social Concerns reports that minors read over 70 percent of all pornographic magazines. Further estimates indicate that most hard-core porn viewers are under twenty years of age. To a large extent, then, our nation's young people are financing the pornographic industry.

Further still, adults who seek treatment for pornography addiction almost always attest to exposure during childhood. Whether these adults are involved in multiple affairs, self-gratification, or prostitution, they usually share the experience of getting started years earlier with what seemed to be harmless magazines containing nude photographs.

My point is this: if you have a teenager, he or she is a target for the pornography industry. Therefore, be observant of their behavior, and prepared to take immediate and decisive action if pornography is discovered.

If you discover evidence of porn usage—a phone bill, a book, a magazine, a video—don't simply take the child's word that it was a one-time experience. In most cases, it's the tip of the iceberg.

Adolescents caught up in this problem are usually much too ashamed to ask for help, and too emotionally immature to realize there may be a problem. So even if your child has a history of honesty, it's much wiser to at least consider that your child may be trying to hide a bigger problem.

If you ignore the evidence, you may be ignoring you child's subconscious attempt to get help.

[Judy Harder]

No Other Gods

Exodus 20:1-17

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Even if we don't practice a particular religion, we do worship something. Our hearts, souls, and minds can't exist in a vacuum. We're all under allegiance to some set of beliefs. Our love and need to be loved drive us to the feet of some god. Part of our inventory needs to include looking to see who or what brings us to our knees.

The first commandment God gave says, "You must not have any other god but me" (Exodus 20:3). He repeated the same command after the children of Israel had wandered forty years in the wilderness, adding some explanations: "I am the LORD your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery. You must not have any other god but me" (Deuteronomy 5:6-7). Once when Jesus was talking with some people, "An expert in religious law tried to trap him with this question: 'Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?' Jesus replied, '"You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment'_" (Matthew 22:35-38).

If we want to reorder our lives according to God's design, it is helpful to start with the standard he set up-the Ten Commandments. He begins by simply asking that we recognize him as God. Are we willing to admit that our Creator and Rescuer is fully deserving of our wholehearted love and commitment? Are we willing to turn away from our other gods to worship him alone?

If we give God the proper place in our lives, all of his commandments should follow naturally.

[Judy Harder]

False Images

1 Corinthians 10:12-14

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

We may find that our imaginations are held captive by an image or ideal that makes demands of us. We may be focused on the image of "the perfect body" and find ourselves swept into compulsive eating disorders, depression, or sexual addictions. We may be focused on the image of "the good life" and find ourselves swept into workaholism, stealing, or lying to try to appease the image we worship. We may have an image of ourselves as "the black sheep of the family" and slavishly live our lives playing out that role.

We don't talk much about idol worship in our culture, except perhaps when we talk of celebrities. Idolatry can be defined as image worship; it may involve becoming a slave to the ideas an image represents. This is the second commandment: "You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods" (Exodus 20:4-5). The apostle Paul warned, "So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols" (1 Corinthians 10:14).

In his protective love, God warns us not to let devotion to an image enslave our lives. The images we worship are more likely to come through television or other media than from an idol carved from stone. But we need to ask ourselves, What are the images and ideas that drive our compulsive behaviors?

Taking inventory of the things we consider important may alert us to the false gods in our lives.

[Judy Harder]

The Strangeness of God
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9

Disruptive peace; majestic meekness; unsettling comfort - these phrases don't seem to make sense.  But anyone who's had a personal encounter with God understands that these apparent paradoxes come together in Him.

The Dean of the Chapel of Calvin College, wrote, "The faithful evangelical preacher of God ought to say not only that God is great and God is good, but also that God is elusive and God is strange...because spiritual health depends upon it."

It's dangerous to think we know God's mind, God's will, or God's intentions. In fact, to fear God is, in part, to recognize that His ways are not our ways.  For certain, He's revealed Himself to us in Jesus, and He revealed Himself in how He moved and worked through the lives and stories recorded in the Bible.  But He hasn't revealed Himself exhaustively.  He hasn't ceased to work in mysterious ways.  And that's why we surrender to Him.  He's greater than we can think or imagine and will work in strange ways—ways we can't even think of or imagine.

"I have felt His hand upon me in great trials and submitted to His guidance, and I trust that as He shall further open the way, I will be ready to walk therein, relying on His help and trusting in His goodness and wisdom. " Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

[Judy Harder]

Being, Not Doing

Exodus 20:8-11

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Some of us become addicted to our work and our accomplishments. It's not that we're just hardworking people; we use our activities to help us feel worthwhile. It's as though we believe deep inside that we are worthless, so we work and take care of others to earn the right to be loved. When our work is at the heart of our self-esteem, we have a hard time stopping whatever it is that gives us a feeling of value. We become slaves to what we do and can never do enough.

The fourth commandment says, "Remember to observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. You have six days each week for your ordinary work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath day of rest dedicated to the LORD your God. On that day no one in your household may do any work. This includes you, your sons and daughters, your male and female servants, your livestock, and any foreigners living among you. For in six days the LORD made the heavens, the earth, the sea, and everything in them; but on the seventh day he rested. That is why the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and set it apart as holy" (Exodus 20:8-11).

God gave the Hebrews this command when he brought them out of Egypt after four hundred years of slavery. The only value they had known had been measured by constant work. God reminds us with this command that he cares about who we are as well as about what we do.

God's command that we spend a day resting is clear evidence that he loves us.

[Judy Harder]

Clarity Versus Trust 

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.
Isaiah 50:10

When the philosopher and professor of ethics, John Kavanaugh, went to work for three months at the "house of the dying" in Calcutta, he was seeking an answer about how to spend the rest of his life.  His first morning there he met Mother Teresa.  She asked, "And what can I do for you?"  Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him.  "What do you want me to pray for?" she inquired.

He voiced his pressing burden: "Pray that I have clarity."  Mother Teresa firmly refused!  When the bewildered Kavanaugh asked why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of."

When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust.  So I will pray that you trust God."

Are things in your life so clear that there's no room to trust God?

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen. " -          Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)