Happy Independence Day

[Judy Harder]

 

The Reasons And Rewards Of Risk-Taking

I'm Steve Arterburn with a New Life moment.

I'm convinced that life without risk isn't much of a life. There's a certain comfort in predictability. But it's the kind of comfort that prevents movement and growth—a comfort you find in hibernation.

An athlete regularly stretches his muscles to the point where they burn or else they become inflexible, unresponsive, and easily fatigued. The same is true with your soul. It must be regularly stretched. Failure to do so provides a degree of superficial comfort in the short term, but ultimately leaves you emotionally and spiritually unfit.

Connecting, loving, pursuing dreams, and succeeding all require risk and energy!. Yes, you'll be stretched to the point of discomfort. Yes, you'll be open to injury and disappointment. But these are far better alternatives than the loneliness, boredom, and quiet desperation that accompany a life without risk.

[Judy Harder]

Unwrapped Gifts

1 Corinthians 12:1

I'm Steve Arterburn with a New Life moment.

If you're a Christian, you have spiritual talents you're probably not aware of—unwrapped gifts just waiting to be opened.

The Bible says God's given some a gift for declaring His truth with power and clarity. Some possess the gift of encouragement—the ability to provide comfort and cheer, even in the worst situations. Some have the gift of giving; what fulfills them is sharing their resources to bless others in need. Still others have the gift of mercy; they're really good at helping people in trouble without blaming or judging.

When these gifts are used and developed, the church becomes a dynamic place where lives are transformed and God's Kingdom is built. When you find and use your gifts, you'll see God's love and generosity more clearly, and you'll feel fulfilled like never before.

[Judy Harder]

 

Children Of Alcoholics

Alcohol abuse is a huge problem in contemporary American culture. But do you really know how big? Over 18 million Americans have alcohol problems. More than 9 million children currently live in homes with an alcohol-dependant parent. And more than half of all American adults have a family history impacted along the way by alcoholism.

The last statistic is what I'm concerned with today. Half of all American adults have alcohol abuse in their family history. That's important because alcohol abuse isn't an individual problem. It doesn't end when the abuser passes away, leaves, or even sobers up. Alcoholism affects both the alcoholic and everyone who loves them.

If you've been impacted by alcoholism in your family of origin, remember, within each of us lies the capacity to grow and alter the way we act and feel. And that doesn't mean that God will give us peace from the storms of life. He will instead give us peace in the midst of the storms of life.

If you've been impacted by alcoholism in your family of origin, know two things. First, you're far from alone. Second, I want to help.

10 Myths about Children of Alcoholics
Excerpted from the book "The Healing Journey"

1.    You should forget the past and only focus on today. One of the survival tools learned by children of alcoholics is denial. You need to honestly examine the past to gain insight into the present. Recovery involves looking at today and yesterday.

2. Change must be immediate. For most, the process of healing is gradual. Believing that change should be immediate is born out of perfectionistic childhood thinking. Adult children of alcoholics (ACA's) tend to think in a mythical nothing-or-all format. This sets us up for defeat. Since most change is not immediate, we fail. After failure we conclude that we will never change.

3. Only the past determines the future. Many adult children were taught that you can¹t teach an old dog new tricks. We have been taught to believe the myth that what we are and who we are will never change. But, within each of us lies the capacity to grow and alter the way we act and feel.

4. God's forgiveness is fine for everyone but me. A key roadblock for most adult children of alcoholics is the sense of being unforgiven. While growing up, forgiveness was rarely modeled. Children learn to perform in order to be approved. ACA's approach God under the influence of this myth "If I make a mistake, there exists no forgiveness, just punishment."

5. Others must approve of my actions or I'm no good. Needing approval is a basic childhood need that one never outgrows. The problem comes when we do not get approval from others and draw the conclusion that we must be bad. This is a result of being raised in a family that promoted shame.

6. I must be able to do what I should do to be healed. If I cannot, there is something wrong with me. While growing up, ACA's were often made to feel, stupid, inadequate, bad and guilty for their actions and feelings. One of the legacies of the dysfunctional home is negative self-worth or shame. In recovery we must suspend our constant self-criticism and invalidation and learn the new skills that we need to heal and make positive choices.

7. External events and other people must change or I'll never be able to be healed. ACA's do not learn to trust themselves, take appropriate risks, and establish independence and autonomy. ACA's want other people to confirm things in them that should have been validated by their parents. Yet, if we are to respond to the healing work of God within us, we need to be responsive to our inner self. The old adage is still true today, "A better world begins with me."

8. God will be just like my human father. While there will be exceptions, children develop a view of God based on the relationship they have with their parents. In particular, fathers have a tremendous impact on the experience ACA's expect when approaching God. ACA's often view God as being absent, cold and indifferent, distant and unloving. They think "If I measure up, God will love me; if I don't, I deserve punishment." In contrast, the Bible describes a God who wants to comfort, nurture, heal and support.

9. If I turned everything over to God, I would not have the problems I have now. Most if us have tried to let God take over everything and still found ourselves hurting, confused and making destructive choices. God is not a magician who removes all of our pain, sorrow and difficulties. God doesn¹t promise peace from the storms of life, but rather peace amidst the storms. Learning to turn ourselves over to God is a reflection of our needs, our imperfections and the flawed world we live in. Fellowship God will allow us to develop a broader vision about our life.

10. It is selfish and bad to focus on myself. Others count more than I do. Parents who teach this concept restrict their children to a life that is confused and solely other-directed. Recovery does not mean we replace other-centered living with only self-centered living. Recovery means seeking a balance between what I want, feel and need and what others want, feel and need.



Conformity

I'm Steve Arterburn with a New Life Moment.

I think you would agree with me that our society is somewhat troubled, wouldn't you? And if that's the case, then adopting the values and priorities of such a society would make us—by virtue of definition—troubled as well, right? Then why do we give in to the pressure to conform?

Few things in life come easier than giving in to the pressure of conformity. And even fewer things are more dangerous. Resistance requires vigilance and vigor. But more important still, the knowledge that God blesses those who do.

Just think of some of the great stories of men and women in the Bible—they were non-conformists. People like Noah, Job, David, Esther, Ruth, John the Baptist, and the 12 Disciples, just to name a few. They fixed their eyes upon the Lord, and what went on around them was secondary. Shouldn't we do the same.

Søren Kierkegaard—a Christian who knew well what it meant to swim against the stream:

"I shall never know the security which consists in being like others. No, I remain in unlikeness. There I remain with Thee—and I recognize the blessedness of it."
 

[Judy Harder]

 

Forty-Day Challenge

Have you ever noticed the significance of the number forty in Scripture? Moses worked as a shepherd forty years before God called him to lead the Israelites from captivity. Moses was atop Mount Sinai forty days receiving the covenant God made with the Israelites after redeeming them from bondage. God led His people in the wilderness for forty years of testing before entering the Promised Land. And Jesus was tested in the wilderness forty days before beginning His public ministry.

As you can see, it's not only the number forty that's significant, but the events that this number helped to define. Each event is a period of passage and transition—in the unfolding of God's gracious and redemptive activity.

Are you in a period of passage? We're all living through seasons of life if not specific, shorter transitional phrases in life. It's the way God designed it. Every end is a new beginning. Make the most of it.

My 40-Day Challenge To You
Excerpted from "Healing Is A Choice" by Steve Arterburn

If you accept this challenge, I believe it could change your life forever. I believe it will implant in your heart and soul the words you need to persevere on the path to healing. I believe it can change the way you think about yourself and the way you think about life. It will take less than five minutes a day, but it could change the rest of your day. Throughout Scripture forty days pops up over and over again. It is significant to me that Jesus fasted and prayed for forty days and forty nights. So I am going to ask you to start your day, each day, for forty days by reading the following words out loud in some quiet corner of your world:

Opening Prayer:
Lord, I am broken and hurting due to the brokenness of others and mistakes of my own. Please use Your powers to heal me and give me courage to make the choices I need to make to allow Your healing in my life. Forgive me for standing in Your way of healing for me. Thank You for putting to an end my past's hold upon my life, and for allowing my future to begin right now in this moment with You.

Affirmation:

Today I choose to heal.
My healing begins right now, in this moment.
I am no longer bound by my sick past.
There is healing in my future.
For the next twenty-four hours, I choose to live free and heal.
I choose to let go of past hurts that I cannot undo.
I choose to forgive myself for wrong choices in the past.
Today I will dwell on what is good and right, not on the darkness I have experienced or the darkness others invite me to live.
Today I will live beyond myself and live for God.
On this day I will choose to feel my life rather than live in denial.
I will not medicate away my pain, sorrow, or anxiety.
I will allow each negative feeling to lead me to greater depths of healing.
I will not drown out or ignore my negative emotions.
I will work through these feelings and move out of them.
I will not project them onto those around me.
When I am unaware of what choice to make next, I will choose to do the next right thing.
Today I will not hide or run away.
I will connect with those who love me and with those who need my love.
Throughout this day I will stay connected to God and ask Him to guide me and lead me.
Today will be an adventure for me that I will approach in faith.
I will take a risk and enjoy the unpredictable.
I will feel and acknowledge my fears; but I refuse to be governed by them.
I will choose to do something uncomfortable that might lead me to know the truth about myself or live life to the fullest.
I will not lie to myself today.
I will seek the truth and will ask for help when I need it.
Today I will reestablish some boundaries that will protect me from unhealthy people and unhealthy situations.
I will tear down some walls that are keeping some wonderful people from knowing me and loving me.
If there is some ungrieved loss, I will grieve it as much as I can today, and then put it away.
Today I will choose reality and embrace it.
I will accept my life as it is, and life truthfully and dependently upon God right where I am. 
I refuse to wallow in self-pity.
I will not focus on what I do not have or what might have been.
On this day I will not give up.
No matter how difficult the struggle, I choose to persevere.
I will not let any excuse be strong enough to derail my path to healing.
I will never give up or give in to an old life that neither benefited me nor glorified God.
I will allow no one to discourage me.
Today I will heal and rely on God to deliver me through the choices I make.
Today I will allow God to govern my life, and each choice I make, I will make with God in mind and love in my heart.
On this day, I choose healing.
I will do what I can to heal and to accept the limitations God has placed before me.
I will see every limitation I encounter as an invitation by God to do for me what I cannot do for myself.
I will accept that healing is sometimes slow and delayed, and accept this as God's invitation to grow in character as a result.
Today I will step outside of myself and serve others.
I will find a need and fill it.
I will find the hurt of another and help heal it.
I will not become self-absorbed or filled with self-obsession.
I will reach out to someone in need and do what I can to meet that need.
Today I will ask for God's help to live out His purpose.
Today I will live for God and not myself.
Today I choose to live.
Today I choose to love.
Today I choose to heal.

[Judy Harder]

 

Habits That Strangle

I'm Steve Arterburn with a New Life moment.

A strange species of vine known as the matador grows in South America. Roughly translated, the Spanish word matador means "killer." This plant has certainly earned its name. The matador begins its life growing at the foot of a tree. At first, it looks like a harmless little plant. But as it grows, the matador relentlessly winds its way around the tree, makes its way to the top, and slowly strangles the tree. When the matador reaches the tree's top, it bursts forth in flower—as if celebrating its kill and crowning itself victor.

Many habits in our lives are like the matador. They seem harmless at first and grow slowly. But left unchecked, they're dangerous.

Is there a matador-like habit winding its way around your life right now?

 

[Judy Harder]

 

Work Ethic

I'm Steve Arterburn with a New Life moment.

Are you feeling worn out? An editor of the Atlantic Monthly once told the story of a Harvard University freshman who was late handing in an assignment. He came to his professor's office to explain.

"I'm sorry, sir," he said, "but I wasn't feeling well."

The Dean replied, "Young man, please bear in mind that by far the greater part of the world's work is carried on by people who are not feeling very well."

Isn't that the truth? Children are raised because parents are willing to exert enormous amounts of energy. Companies are built because people are willing to work hard. And communities are forged through long hours and persistent dedication.

[Judy Harder]

 

Lessons In Humility

I'm Steve Arterburn with a New Life moment.

I recently heard a story about a woman who invited guests to her home for dinner. As they sat to eat, the woman turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Sweetheart, would you like to ask the blessing?" The little girl replied sheepishly, "Yes, but I wouldn't know what to say."

Mom spotted a teaching moment, and perhaps an opportunity to draw attention to her own piety. "Just say what you hear Mommy saying, dear," she said. The counsel seemed to work. The little girl clasped her hands, bowed her head, and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Life is a school for humility. And we dare not ignore the lessons—especially if you're a Christian. St. Augustine once said the three essential components of the Christian life are as follows: humility, humility, and humility.

[Judy Harder]

 

Out Of Control In America

I'm Steve Arterburn with a New Life moment.

Do you think life in America is out of control?

Economists have repeatedly warned that Americans have become addicted to spending and crushed by debt trying to attain lifestyles beyond their means. Doctors and nutritionists speak regularly of the rising obesity rate and the danger it represents. Educators, pastors, and child professional have long testified that generations of over-indulged American kids are growing up seriously lacking in discipline, direction, and conviction.

The common denominator here is excess. It's become an American way of life, and to be brutally honest, it's destroying us.

I don't think the question can any longer be: do we know? We must ask ourselves an even tougher question: do we care?

If you're struggling with excess, or trying to help a loved one who is, you're certainly not alone. I care and I'd like to help you

[Judy Harder]

 

Overcoming Criticism

I'm Steve Arterburn with a New Life Moment.

Who amongst us enjoys criticism? I know I don't! In fact, even when criticism is constructive, it's usually about as welcomed as an IRS audit.

But there's something even worse than criticism: and that's critical people. We all know someone like this. You know who I'm talking about—that person who meets every plan with some version of "That's impossible!" It's that person who challenges your enthusiasm or conviction to tackle a big project with a smirk or a head-wag.

But remember: nearly every advance, discovery, or act of courage is precipitated by criticism. There's really only one sure way to avoid it: by doing nothing. And what kind of choice is that—especially for people of faith. If you expect to be praised you must be willing to be criticized.

[Judy Harder]

 

Praying For Kids

I'm Steve Arterburn with a New Life Moment.

Being a responsible, faithful, and spiritually wise adult isn't easy.. But here's something we often overlook: it's not easy being a kid either. Sure, the issues kids face are proportionate to their age. But let's not fail to give them their proper due. Children's issues appear every bit as daunting to them as ours do to us.

The kids that God has put in our lives—whether they're children, grandchildren, extended family, neighbors, or students—need every bit of wisdom and guidance we can offer. But wisdom and guidance never stand alone. Our efforts to bring these to the children in our lives must be soaked in prayer. That's when our wisdom and guidance will become more than practical, but powerful; because it is from the Holy Spirit.