Political Humor

[Jo McDonald]

GOOD IDEAS

If it is true that the mosque near Ground Zero is to promote tolerance;

It was suggested that a gay nightclub be opened next door to the mosque.

Two names suggested are "The Turban Cowboy", and "You Mecca Me Hot".

On the other side they should open a butcher shop that specializes in pork!

And across the street a store that sells and displays bikinis or ladies

lingerie on mannequins ...or live models.

[frawin]

There maybe more truth than fiction or joke in this one. Our current leadership is  dividing this Nation the most since the Civil War.



DIVORCE  AGREEMENT

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. 
--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however,  responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
--We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

--We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?   If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John  J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S.  And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

[Jane]

I am glad he wrote this as I agree with everything he states. He needs to add Ellen, U2 to his list.

[frawin]

I think the biggest item missed in the "Divorce Agreement" is Hanoi Jane Fonda. She definiterly belongs with the Liberal Left.

[Teresa]

I think the biggest item missed in the "Divorce Agreement" is Hanoi Jane Fonda. She definiterly belongs with the Liberal Left.

No... she belongs under a good sturdy tree limb....

[frawin]

Twas the night before Elections
        Don't know who wrote this but it's pretty good.
     
   
   
   
  'Twas the night before elections   
   And all through the town 
   Tempers were flaring 
   Emotions all up and down!
   
   
   I, in my bathrobe 
   With a cat in my lap,
   Had cut off the TV
   Tired of political crap.
   
   When all of a sudden
   There arose such a noise
   I peered out of my window
   Saw Obama and his boys
   
   They had come for my wallet
   They wanted my pay
   To give to the others
   Who had not worked a day!
   
   He snatched up my money
   And quick as a wink
   Jumped back on his bandwagon
   As I gagged from the stink
   
   He then rallied his henchmen
   Who were pulling his cart
   I could tell they were out
   To tear my country apart!
   
   ' On Fannie, on Freddie,
   On Biden and Ayers! 
   On Acorn, On Pelosi' 
   He screamed at the pairs!
 
   They took off for his cause 
   And as he flew out of sight 
   I heard him laugh at the nation 
   Who wouldn't stand up and fight!
   
   So I leave you to think
   On this one final note- 
   IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM 
   GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!
   
   
   Amen

[Warph]

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''

''Yes, I remember him as a baby'' says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though" the mother confides.

"Oh, so sad dear'' says the other.

''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''

''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily,
''he had such curly hair when he was born.''

''He's a martyr too'' says the mother quietly.

''Oh, gracious me . . . '' says the other.

''And this is my third son.  My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. 
He would have  been 18'', she whispers.

"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started  school''

''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at  the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .



"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

[kshillbillys]

Warph---ROTFLMAO! Whoops I think I tinkled myself!

[Diane Amberg]

HA, HA.

[Judy Harder]

Obama in Heaven

Obama dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates.  He is very excited; all his life he's had a secret wish and longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.




Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack meets a man with a beard.  'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.




'No, my son.  I am Peter.  Mohammed is higher up.' Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.




Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.  He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'

'No, I am Moses.  Mohammed is higher still.'




Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.  Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'




'No, I am Jesus . . . You will find Mohammed higher up.'




Mohammed higher than Jesus!  Man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher. Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:  'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.




'No, my son . . . . I am Almighty God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a cup of coffee?




''Yes!  Please, my Lord.'


God looks behind him, claps his hands and yells out:  'Yo, Mohammed - - two coffees!'

Keep your trust in God;  Your government has failed you miserably.