Grins and Snickers

[Warph]

It was my first time ever

And I'll
Never forget

I'd do it
Again

Without a
Single regret.

The sky was
Dark

The moon
Was high

We were all
Alone

Just she
And I.

Her hair
Was soft

Her eyes
Were blue

I knew just
What

She wanted
To do.

Her skin so
Soft

Her legs so
Fine

I ran my
Fingers

Down her
Spine.

I didn't
Know how

But I tried
My best

I started
By placing

My hands on
Her breast.

I remember
My fear

My fast
Beating heart

But slowly
She spread

Her legs
Apart.

And when I
Did it
I felt no shame

All at
Once

The white
Stuff came.

At last
it's finished

It's all
Over now

My first
Time ever

At milking
A cow...

[flintauqua]

 

[Teresa]

CATHOLIC SHAMPOO

     While shopping in a food store, two nuns  happened  to pass by the beer cooler. One nun , Tracy ,said to the other,  "Wouldn't a  nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer  evening?"

     The second nun answered  "Indeed it would   Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer  as I am certain that  it would cause a scene at the check-out  counter."

  "I can handle that  without a problem" she replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed  for the check-out.

The cashier had a  surprised look on his  face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack  of beer.  "We use beer for washing  our hair" the  nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you  will."
Without blinking an eye,  the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the  nun straight in the eye,  smiled and said, "The curlers are on the  house."

[Jo McDonald]

A bit of history...

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. 



In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. 



This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. 



But, as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. 



The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.



The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.



Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.



The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as -


Sinko De Mayo.

[flintauqua]

Saw it coming a mile away and yet I am still setting here shaking my head.  

[Diane Amberg]

BOOOOOOOOO!

[Judy Harder]

Tyrone applied for a fork lift operator job at a famous firm based in Detroit .

A white man applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications,
they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager. 

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Tyrone and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview,
but we've decided to give the white guy the job."

Tyrone, "What 'cho mean, why you be doing that, you be racist?  We both got 19 questions right?
This is Detroit and I be black, I should get the job."

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

Tyrone said, "Tell me how would one wrong answer be better than another?"

Manager, "Simple, on question number 7 the white guy wrote down, 'I don't know.' 
You put down, 'Neither do I'."
 

[Judy Harder]

I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT!!!!!

I finally figured out why I am fat!

I should have figured it out sooner.

It's the shampoo I use in the shower.

When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body.

Printed very clearly on the shampoo label it reads, "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."

I have gotten rid of the shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap.

Its label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."

Problem solved!

[Diane Amberg]

I use Dawn...now I know why my hands are a nice shape but the rest of me is not!

[Wilma]

Try using it in the shower.