To That CREEP At The White House

[Warph]

Barack Hussein Obama
White House -  Pennsylvania Ave
Washington, DC 20006


Dear Sir,

I cannot tell you how much we appreciate your budget cuts, your cancellation of the space shuttle and any replacement launch vehicle for it, forcing us to rely on Russian Soyuz ships and their space program, which can't even seem to dock with the ISS Space Station. Your wise decision in this regard, as well as your cancellation of any return trip to the moon, has caused us to reevaluate many of our programs, including the search for intelligent life on earth. We understand of course that space exploration must take a backseat to more important matters, such as bailing out the car companies and banks who contributed to your campaign. And of course the White House entertainment budget. Your historic actions since taking office have truly challenged us as an agency. We can only hope to one day be able to return the favor.

After carefully reviewing your new priority for NASA, to reach out to Muslims and make them feel good about "their historic contribution to science, math, and engineering", which consisted mainly of ripping off Greek and Indian science, and passing it off as their own, we have developed a comprehensive plan for utilizing the talents and abilities of Muslims to further the goals of this nation's goals space program, which you so articulately described as "That Outer Spacey Thing".


Project 1: HATE Ignition

Project HATE proposes to solve NASA's difficulties with liquid fuel rockets by employing Muslim technological innovation to achieve a new and inexpensive means of reaching Low Earth Orbit. We propose to use the greatest Muslim technological invention of the last 50 years, the suicide bomber (and by invention I mean they stole that from Asia too) to replace liquid fuel propellant.

Project HATE (Highly Active Terrorist Explosions) will chain together a long string of suicide bombers within each booster rocket. The suicide bombers will be assured of 72 virgins in paradise, and each one will detonate after the other to form a daisy chain of explosions that will take the shuttle up into the sky.

Our best math suggests that it will take approximately 3000 suicide bombers within the SRB's to provide adequate liftoff thrust for the shuttle launch. We will need the Muslim world to cooperate with us by providing 3000 suicide bombers for each and every shuttle launch. The benefit of this is that not only will this reduce the cost of shuttle launches, but it will also save untold billions in the War on Terror.


Project 2: Throw Things at on the Jews

While we have been making efforts to reach out to Muslim countries and engage them in purely peaceful space exploration, our preliminary findings is that their main interest in space is to get into space in order to, and I quote, "Throw Things Down on the Jews". And Muslim technological developments in rocketry and launch vehicles such as Saddam's Space Gun "Big Babylon" and Iran's nuclear weapons programs all have the common aim of "Throwing Things Down on the Jews".

We at NASA believe that the best way to interest Muslims in space is to convince them of its potential for "Throwing Things at the Jews", but in a way that benefits all of mankind, and doesn't lead to any loss of life. As you may possibly know (or would if you did something besides golf and spend money all day) Earth is at risk of one day being struck by an asteroid that could potentially wipe out all life on the planet.

Utilizing your brilliant suggestion that we "go land on an asteroid", we plan to send an automated vehicle to an asteroid and deposit an Israel flag on an asteroid that may one day hit Earth. We are confident that the Muslim world will immediately step up and join forces with us to develop long range weapons capable of hitting that asteroid. Particularly if we also leave a tape player on its surface blasting, "Hava Nagilla".

Not only will this provide Earth with a poorly aimed global defense network against falling rocks from the sky, but it will also hopefully prevent rockets from being fired at schools, instead of into space where they belong.


Project 3: Mecca on Mars

Due to your cancellation of a next generation spacecraft, we can't even reach our own space station anymore, let alone Mars. This has forced us to think small. Really small. That is why our talented publicity  department, in between drawing detailed illustrations of you with your head up your own ass, have come up with a brilliant plan to get to Mars and engage the Muslim world in the space program.

With a little tinkering around in the Koran, they have inserted a minor entry in which Mohammed rides a flying horse to Mars, instead of Jerusalem. Since Mohammed neither visited Mars nor Jerusalem, we think one is as good as the other. And Mars, unlike Jerusalem has the advantage of being uninhabited, which if you have trouble understanding the English language, means that no one lives there.

Also due to Mars' lower gravity, a flying horse would be more aerodynamically plausible there, than here.

With the release of Koran 2.0 Mars Edition, we are confident that Muslims will begin flocking to Mars, and invade and overrun it, just as they did major portions of the Middle East, including the last place Mohammed hallucinated taking a flying horse to. And the kingdoms of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and the UAE could afford to pay for a trip to Mars out of their pocket change. And we wouldn't even have to bow to them to get it done.

Our only concern is the slight possibility of intelligent life on Mars. What would an ancient race do when confronted with a maddened horde, intent on conquering their land, subjugating them and claiming that they had been there all along? Just in case, perhaps you and the Saudis should begin drawing up a peace plan, handing most of Mars over to the terrorists now. That worked out so well last time, didn't it?


Project 4: Space Camel

The ability of camels to survive in a hostile environment is well known. Camels have survived deserts, Moroccan bazaars and owners who put them in beauty contests. Perhaps they can also survive the harsh rigors of space.

Because we no longer have a spacecraft (thanks for that by the way, because why would a space program need one of those anyway) and no way of getting one, we might as well try camels. Why camels? Because they meet both your major priorities, engaging the Muslim world, and using "Clean Energy". And there's nothing cleaner than a camel. At least nothing outside a cesspool or rotting sewage.

Our plan is simple. We're going to take a bunch of camels. Get very drunk. Stick the camels in a catapult, and scribble some arabic numerals in a notebook. Do some algebra, and invite Muslims to participate in this new wonderful race to space. Then we're going to let the camels fly.

Honestly we don't know where the camels will land. They might land in deserted areas. They might land on houses or people. They might land on the White House. They might land on the moon. We just don't know! That's because due to your budget cuts, we can no longer afford calculators. Instead we're going to have our Muslim colleagues do the math for us on an abacus. Their advanced knowledge of science will surely see us through.

And frankly if you're going to engage children with the wonders of space, nothing will do it half as well as a shrieking camel flying through the sky.


Project 5: Time Machine

Since we don't have a budget, or spaceships or calculators anymore. And our new job is to run a self-esteem school for Muslims, we're out of ideas. The only ideas we have anymore show up when we're drinking. And since you took office, we've been drinking a lot. And I mean a whole lot. (These days we can give the Russians a run for their money at a drinking contest. The Russians say it's because now we know what it's like to live under the same government they used to have.)

So far our best idea is a time machine. We don't have all the details nailed down. But our calculations have shown us that we only need to go back to November 3rd, 2008. And we don't need to send back a human being. Only a 1 oz CD containing the economic indicators for the last year, and every major news story in America that didn't involve Reality TV stars or the media kissing your ass. We have prepared a Post It note that we will attach to that CD.

The note reads: "We're from the future. Don't vote for that jackass."

No you don't need to worry. We don't actually have a time machine yet. But we figure we have somewhere between 3-7 years of your term(s) in office to construct one. And when we do, you'll be the first to know.

P.S. We haven't figured out how to incorporate Muslims into this one yet, but maybe we'll order spicy goat curry takeout before we do it. Or we'll send that CD back to September 10th, 2001 instead, along with a Post It note reading, "We're From the Future. Don't vote for that jackass. And don't let any Muslims board planes."

Sincerely Yours

Charles S. Griffith
Administrator in Charge of Absolutely Not a Damn Thing
1601 NASA Parkway
Houston, Texas 77058

[Warph]

Hey, Man.... we gotta cater to muslim self-esteem!

At least that's what Charles Bolden, Obama's head (Czar) of NASA, tells Al Jazeera in the above video.

Accoding to Bolden, the "foremost" task President Obama has given him is "to find a way to reach out to the Muslim world and engage much more with predominantly Muslim nations to help them feel good about their historic contribution to science, math, and engineering."

Exploring space and developing America's scientific achievements in that area aren't even a priority, which is why Obama has severely cut our space program's budget. Aside from kowtowing to Islam, Obama's other goals he wants Bolden to accomplish are to "re-inspire children to want to get into science and math" and "expand our international relationships."

So it's hardly surprising that his czar of NASA would go on JihadTV to inform its audience about the glories of Islamic achievement.

Under Obama, NASA is no longer expected to accomplish any breakthroughs in space, Instead, it has become a PR firm charged with outreach to the ummah.

Oh yeah.... Bolden apparently has another job while he's at NASA - using the agency to protect the value of his personal stock holdings:

While millions of barrels of spilled oil choke the Gulf of Mexico, NASA is working on an ocean-based biofuels venture that could revolutionize clean-energy production at sea and treat wastewater at the same time.
The scientist running the $10 million experiment, called Project OMEGA, uses words such as groundbreaking and exciting to describe his baby.

But there's a HITCH.

NASA Administrator Charlie Bolden doesn't believe in OMEGA — and has sought to slow it down.

The reason: He was advised against it by Marathon Oil — the Texas-based company on whose board Bolden sat until he was named NASA administrator last year. The former astronaut and Marine Corps general also still holds as much as $1 million worth of Marathon stock.

Is NASA Administrator Bolden Corrupt? http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2010-06-20/news/os-nasa-administrator-scandal-20100620_1_nasa-administrator-charlie-bolden-marathon-oil-biofuel

[Warph]

Obama facing uprising over new NASA strategy:

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSN1016100820100310?type=marketsNews


23,000 now expected to lose jobs after shuttle retirement:

http://www.floridatoday.com/article/20100226/NEWS0204/2260321/23-000-now-expected-to-lose-jobs-after-shuttle-retirement


Griffin, NASA luminaries urge Obama to change space policy:

http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/news_space_thewritestuff/2010/04/griffin-nasa-luminaries-urge-obama-to-change-space-policy.html


Neil Armstrong: Obama NASA Plan 'Devastating' - Astronauts warn plan would put U.S. on path to "mediocrity:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36470363

[twirldoggy]

Wonder what JFK would think.

[Warph]

Well, my nomination for douchebag of the week or perhaps the month is NASA administrator, Charles Bolden.

Now dig this sports fans.....Bolden said, "...and perhaps foremost, he (Hussein Obama) wanted me to find a way to reach out to the Muslim world and engage much more with dominantly Muslim nations to help them feel good about their historic contribution to science ... and math and engineering,"

I don't know about the rest of you but sometimes I just wanna gag. First of all I just don't understand why we are making overtures to a belief system that has sworn to kill us just because of who we are and what we hold dear.

Secondly, I am not sure what contributions to science, math, and engineering Muslim nations have made. I suppose there may have been some, but I dunno what they are and to quote the famous southerner, Rhett Butler, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Last time I looked most of the Muslim nations are content to let their populace dwell in the stone age.

Thirdly, I really don't give a rat's ass if Muslim nations feel good about themselves or not. The only thing I want them to feel is the concussion going through their bodies as that bunker buster blows away their hidey-hole.

Since when is it NASA's job to be doing anything other than putting our people into space? How much of our tax money are they gonna waste on this "reach out to Muslims" program?

It gets worse. Bolden went on to say, "...the United States is not going to travel beyond low-Earth orbit on its own and that no country is going to make it to Mars without international help." Good Lord, Mr. Bolden! Says who? You? Hussein Obama? Are you saying that America has become too mediocre to go to Mars on our own?

I still remember the chill that went down my spine when John Kennedy challenged this country to go to the moon before the end of the decade. And you know what, Mr. Bolden?!?! WE DID IT! The United States did it! We didn't need a buncha little European social democracies helping us. We didn't need assistance from a bunch of backward Muslims. No! The United States did it.....all by itself!

It's called AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM Mr. Bolden! Learn it! Live it! Love it! If other nations want to join in, fine! Just don't tell me that AMERICA CANNOT DO SOMETHING! I know better.

I dunno how much of this crap Bolden believes on his own, most of it probably, but there is no doubt that Hussein Obama hates our great nation. He hates everything that has made us great. He hates our Constitution! He hates our free market! He hates our liberty and freedom we hold dear! He wants to reduce us to nothing more that a mediocre liberal socialized state. Slowly but surely he is trying to extinguish the great and shining light that once was America!

IT IS TIME FOR HUSSEIN OBAMA TO GO!

Signed: the Grouch