You Talking to me, Sport?

[Warph]

Men have been known to bare their souls at the grocery store.  Which is why I wasn't surprised when the man next to me at the canned soup display said that his granddaughter had injured her ankle.

"Is that right?" I offered sympathetically.

"They're taping it for now, but the poor thing may need surgery."

"That's too bad," I said, edging toward the Frito's.  "Oh yeah, it's bad, real bad," the guy said.

"How unfortunate," I said, wondering how to move to the beer stall without seeming rude.

I looked at the man and said I hoped his granddaughter got better.  He jerked his head around to show me he was wearing a hands-free headset and was talking on the phone.

Bluetoothed again.... for the umpteenth time.

It happens everywhere -- airports, golf pro shops, malls, restaurants, doctors' offices and coffee shops.

I was washing my hands in the restroom of Target when a man in a stall screamed, "ARE YOU THERE?"

My heart nearly jumped out of my chest.... I thought he was having a medical emergency.  Turns out he was just telling someone that, and this is a direct quote: "SORRY SWEETS, I GOT THE RUNS AND WE AND THE KIDS WILL BE A LITTLE LATE."

That man has no idea how close he came to having a total stranger with soapy hands and outdated CPR certification crash through the door to his stall and administer unneeded first aid.

When we went to see "Blind Side," I literally was.  Some guy had his Bluetooth blinking in my peripheral vision.

There is no question that a Bluetooth denotes a sense of importance and urgency.  Yet, most of the time, people who wearing them are saying the same mundane things the rest of us are saying into hand-held phones.

The President's security detail has had hands-free headsets for years.  I'd be devastated if I ever walked past one of them and heard, "A loaf of bread and milk?  Sure, I'll pick some up on the way home."

More than anything, Bluetooths can make ordinary people look like they've simply lost their minds.

It used to be you knew someone was a few cards shy of a deck when they talked to themselves.  With the increasing popularity of hands-free headsets people everywhere appear to be talking to themselves.  It is harder and harder to tell the very well connected from the completely disconnected.

Take the guy walking down the street, staring into space, shouting, "Let's have a meeting, Phil!  Tuesday?  Yeah!  Tuesday's good, Phil.  Yeah!  Tuesday!  See you Tuesday."  If he's turned so you can't see if he's wearing an earpiece, you're not sure if there is a Phil somewhere, or if Phil is a figment of the guy's imagination and he has a fixation with Tuesday.

I can hear you now.  We all can.

....Phil