Political Humor

Howell4ever · July 01, 2008, 02:25:21 PM

Here are a few good John McCain jokes courtesy our nations best comedians: Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien

"Obama and Hillary argued last night over which candidate the Republicans are most afraid of. Interesting. I don't want to take sides here, but I think it's pretty obvious which candidate Republicans are most afraid of, John McCain." –Jay Leno

"Republican presidential candidate John McCain is in the news. John McCain says he's trying to find a vice presidential running mate. Not only that, McCain is also trying to find his reading glasses and his car keys. ... He's an older gentleman. That's the idea there. You'll be hearing more of those in the next nine months, because that's our take. Until he gets a whore." –Conan O'Brien

"The New York Times is claiming that John McCain, who is 71 years old, had an inappropriate relationship with a woman who is a Washington lobbyist. The good news is there's no footage. Political experts say this could be a huge scandal for McCain because he's married and the woman he's accused of having an affair with is 31 years younger than he is. In a related story, earlier today McCain was endorsed by Bill Clinton." –Conan O'Brien

"As you know, last week the big rumor, according to the New York Times, is John McCain was allegedly sleeping with a a young, attractive lobbyist. Well, that story has pretty much gone away. In fact, the only one trying to keep it alive now? John McCain." –Jay Leno

Catwoman · July 01, 2008, 10:00:34 PM

Yeah, I like politicalhumor.about.com/library/bldailyfeed3.htm, too. It's interesting that they post all of the late night talk show hosts jokes daily, updating them daily.

sixdogsmom · July 01, 2008, 10:02:08 PM

There are some interesting John McCAin quotes on About.com also, under the heading McCainisms.

Catwoman · July 01, 2008, 10:07:53 PM

McCainisms...hmmm.

Howell4ever · July 22, 2008, 09:09:56 AM

Howell4ever · July 22, 2008, 09:23:44 AM

"This week, Barack Obama, true story, campaigned on an Indian reservation and the tribal chief adopted him. Yeah, the Indians actually prefer Obama to John McCain, because they still remember when McCain took their land." –Conan O'Brien

"John McCain is actively courting women over 60. And I'm thinking, who does this guy think he is, Ashton Kutcher?" --David Letterman

"Earlier today, John McCain released 1,200 pages of his medical records. Or, as his doctor calls it, Chapter One." --Conan O'Brien

"McCain of course has the nomination sewed up. He's now auditioning candidates for vice president, and they're visiting at his home in Arizona. I believe it's called Casa Viagra. I believe it's called the Lazy Artery. I believe it's a ranch, I think it's the Double Hernia. No no, his home in Arizona -- the Rancho Prostato." --David Letterman

"Barack Obama's staff and John McCain's staff are busy now negotiating when the presidential debates will take place. That's good, yeah. Yeah, Obama wants them to be in September, and McCain wants them to be after his nap, but before 'Wheel of Fortune.'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to the Washington Post, Barack Obama and actress Scarlett Johansson are email buddies. Apparently they email each other back and forth. So, you've got a 23-year-old gorgeous, blonde actress emailing a married presidential candidate. Well, what could go wrong there? Not to be outdone today, John McCain admitted he had been exchanging flirty emails with Angela Lansbury." --Jay Leno

"CNN reports that John McCain is aggressively trying to win over the independent vote. Yeah, of course, to John McCain, independent means anyone who can make it to the toilet without help." --Conan O'Brien

"And John McCain is campaigning very hard. Every day I pick up the newspaper, he's someplace else. He's got a new strategy. Well John McCain just announced he wants to do a series of town hall meetings where he'll meet with the public. Yeah, it's all part of McCain's 'Speak Up, I Can't Hear You' tour." --Conan O'Brien

"McCain came out this week with a list of 20 possible running mates. He would not reveal the names of all of them, but he said they all share certain traits, like knowing CPR. He said he wants someone who is ready take over on day two." --Bill Maher

"Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain have all been arguing, claiming that they're the most qualified person to answer the White House phone at 3 a.m. Yeah, McCain said, 'I'm the most qualified, because I'm usually up at that hour peeing anyway.'" --Conan O'Brien

"John McCain is now crisscrossing the United States campaigning. Or, as they're calling it, Antiques Roadshow." --Jay Leno

"We're leaning more and more about John and Cindy McCain. He's on this big biography tour. I guess his wife Cindy is worth over $100 million because the family made money selling Budweiser beer. So he has a wife 20 years younger than him, free beer, and unlimited money. I think I speak for all guys when I go, 'Why is he running for president?'" --Jay Leno

"Did you hear about this? Two State Department employees were fired -- this is a bit of a scandal -- because they were looking at Barack Obama's passport file. Not only that, but the same person was also looking at John McCain's Civil War records." --David Letterman

"John McCain's daughter is in the news. John McCain's daughter says that a lot of guys don't want to date her because her dad makes her too high-profile. Yeah. That's part of the reason. It's also because McCain's daughter is 63 years old." --Conan O'Brien

"Today, Barack Obama criticized John McCain for mistakenly saying that Iran was sending aid to al Qaeda in Iraq, which is not true. And afterwards, President Bush told McCain, 'Don't worry about it. I didn't know that either.'" --Jay Leno

"You know who I like is that John McCain. ... He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys. He looks like the guy who can't stop talking about how well his tomatoes are doing. He looks like the guy who goes into town for turpentine. He looks like the guy who always has wiry hair growing out of new places. He looks like the guy who points out the spots they missed at the car wash." --David Letterman (Read more of Letterman's jabs at Old Man McCain, plus McCain's jokes about Letterman)

"It was reported that Barack Obama's Secret Service name is 'Renegade,' while Hillary Clinton's is 'Evergreen.' That's true. Meanwhile, John McCain's Secret Service name is 'Enlarged Prostate.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Senator McCain, running for president, is in Iraq. Of course, he remembers Iraq when it was known as Mesopotamia." --David Letterman

"Republican presidential candidate John McCain is in the news. John McCain says he's trying to find a vice presidential running mate. Not only that, McCain is also trying to find his reading glasses and his car keys. ... He's an older gentleman. That's the idea there. You'll be hearing more of those in the next nine months, because that's our take. Until he gets a whore." --Conan O'Brien

"Congratulations to John McCain, he wrapped up the Republican nomination this week. And we know this is official now because Mike Huckabee dropped out and said he was joining forces with John McCain. Oh, great, you've got one guy who doesn't believe in evolution, and another guy who remembers it." --Bill Maher

"He looks like the guy at the movies whose wife has to repeat everything...He looks like a guy who's backed over his own mailbox...He looks like the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors." --David Letterman (Read more Letterman jabs at Old Man McCain)

Catwoman · July 22, 2008, 12:15:49 PM

Man, I sure wish I had the free time that you seem to have! Lucky you!

Teresa · July 22, 2008, 12:36:36 PM

hahahahah.. Oh tallerthanmost.. I loved the video...
I probably would have been in the same situation...
I would have had to uhhh and ahhhhh and ... uhhh and ahhh some more if the question was sprung on me..

.
That was great.. and I betcha MCCain got a hoot out of it too...after seeing it. LOL

Howell4ever · July 23, 2008, 09:30:04 AM

Actually Catwoman I have little time( even though I am a Democrat) I do work 50 to 60 hours a week to keep food on the table and gas in my truck... So the time I do have I like to spend laughing at youtube LOL!!!

Catwoman · July 23, 2008, 06:40:35 PM

My God, ttm...can I ask...what job do you hold that you would have to put in 50-60 hours per week? You have my admiration. Working that many hours outside of the house would be a killer task for anyone.