The Canadian Minister of Defense

[Ross]

The Canadian Minister of Defense has sense of humor.

Adopt A Terrorist -This is brilliant. I can't imagine anyone in the Obama administration having the creativity or the gonads composing such an on-point response to a fool.

A Canadian liberal woman wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. She demanded a response and this is the reply she received:

National Defense Headquarters M, Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT 101 Colonel By Drive, Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2, Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letters expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists who were transferred to the Afghanistan Government after being captured by Canadian Forces, and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa.

You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers program, or L.A.R.K. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided, on a trial basis, to divert several terrorists by placing them in homes of concerned citizens and under the personal care of those citizens, such as yourself, around the country. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.

The name of your detainee is Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud, and he is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. You will be pleased to know that we will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with your recommendations. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his attitudinal problem will help him overcome those character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling; however, we strongly recommend that you hire some assistant caretakers. Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors or relatives about your house guest, as he might become agitated or even violent, but we are sure you can reason with him.

Ahmed is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless in your opinion, this might offend him. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills either in your home or wherever you choose to take him while helping him adjust to life in our country Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters except sexually, since he views females as a form of property who thereby having no rights, including the right of refusal of his sexual demands. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him. You also should know that he has shown violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burqa over time. Just remember that it is all part of respecting his culture and religious beliefs as described in your letter.

You take good care of Ahmed and remember that we will try to have a counselor available to help you over any difficulties you encounter while he is adjusting to Canadian culture.

Thank you again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,

Gordon O'Connor
Minister of Defense