Jose Cuervo New Year's Cookies

[Teresa]

Jose Cuervo New Year's Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 cup lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take out a large bowl;
Check the Cuervo again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. 
Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. 
Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK; drink another cup, just in case.
Turn offn the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl.
Chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit off floor, and throw back in the bowl.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo again to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares.
Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. 
Add one table.
Add a spoon of  sugar, or somefink. Or whatever you can find.
Greash the oven. 
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall it over.
Don't forget to shush off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window....
finish the Cose  Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.