EARTHQUAKE

[Warph]

Years from now, when your grandchildren ask you where you were for The Great Earthquake of Aught-Eleven, what will you say?  Me?  I'll say, "On my toilet... maybe kinda sorta feeling something possibly but probably not."

As for the President?  The 5.8 magnitude earthquake...  that originated in Virgina and shook the East Coast causing damage to the Pentagon and the National Cathedral in Washington D.C..... found him on a Martha's Vineyard golf course where, luckily, a team of reporters were standing-by to catch the heart-racing excitement.

Fox reporter Ed Henry: "Whoa! Did you see that one tree?  It looked like it might have been getting ready to fall down and crush the President.  Yikes!  And what was up with that phone call the president made afterward?  That was probably some serious national security earthquake related business, don't you think?  I'm almost certain of it."

While meteorologists, newscasters and the only measure that counts anymore, the Twitterverse, were busy being pre-occupied with an East Coast earthquake today, a frustrated God decided to give Colorado a 5.3 earthquake of its own monday night.  Because nobody has ever seen or spoken to God, his spokesperson clarified the reason for the natural disasters.

"That was a sign for Michele Bachmann to shut the hell up," said God's spokesperson, Oprah Winfrey.  "Bachmann tells people that God runs her life and she lives according to my law, as she read it in the Bible?  This East Coast quake aimed at Washington, D.C. (Hellllloooooo people – duh) was my sign that she just gotta go away."

When reporters asked Oprah why he didn't send locusts or some other Biblical trick, she repled "locusts are soooo BC, and besides, I told him the East Coast could use a good quake; it's been a while and it's far enough away from my beloved Chicago."

Reached for comment, Bachmann said she had no statement until she asked her husband what she should say.

When the mainstream media ignored God's word (what else is new), he quickly smote Colorado with a 5.3 earthquake of its own.  "That one's for Sarah Palin.  Tell her to keep her day job.  Oh, I'm sorry, tell her to get a day job.  And not quit it.  I'm not freaking around.  I voted for the black guy."

Anchors at Fox News were unusually torn by the cause of the earthquakes.  While they rarely disagree with God, they were eager to blame the events on President Obama.

[Hefe de vaca]

     " To the superbus, Bobbin, er Robin, er Biden"