Good laughs or groans for the older folks

[Judy Harder]

A good laugh for people in the over 50 group !

When I bought my Blackberry I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting  world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she  would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating."  You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me.. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on  something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual."  Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."

[Warph]

LOL... Priceless, Judy... I hate smartphones, give me the old flip-up type.  My golf bag always... always contains: one of my cell phones, wedding ring, a watch, eye drops, Preparation H (for my eye bags), foot gel, KIND bars and a pint of Chavis Regal in case I get snake bit.

[larryJ]

Good one.......I laughed the other day when my 21-month-old granddaughter was showing my wife and her cousin how to use an IPad. 

Warph, how many cell phones do you need.......why is your wedding ring in the bag (are you trying to hide something?)...........why do you need a watch if you have a cell phone (Oh, right, it's in the bag).........eye drops are understandable.......Preparation H for your eye bags......yeah, right!.........foot gel and KIND bars, I get........Chavis Regal?  Is there any room in the bag for the clubs?

Note:  If I ever need to contact one of my kids, I have discovered that a text message will get an answer faster than actually trying to call them.  A phone call to them means a unnecessary, and possible, waste of time.  A text takes only a few minutes (depending on how fast you are, and if you have a QWERTY keyboard or the other number/letter type), and, isn't a one on one conversation which requires immediate responses.  But then I have found out, also, that when I receive a text from them or anyone, I have the time to formulate a response before answering.  Maybe there is something to it.

Larryj

[Warph]

Good one.......I laughed the other day when my 21-month-old granddaughter was showing my wife and her cousin how to use an IPad. 

Warph, how many cell phones do you need.......why is your wedding ring in the bag (are you trying to hide something?)...........why do you need a watch if you have a cell phone (Oh, right, it's in the bag).........eye drops are understandable.......Preparation H for your eye bags......yeah, right!.........foot gel and KIND bars, I get........Chavis Regal?  Is there any room in the bag for the clubs?

Note:  If I ever need to contact one of my kids, I have discovered that a text message will get an answer faster than actually trying to call them.  A phone call to them means a unnecessary, and possible, waste of time.  A text takes only a few minutes (depending on how fast you are, and if you have a QWERTY keyboard or the other number/letter type), and, isn't a one on one conversation which requires immediate responses.  But then I have found out, also, that when I receive a text from them or anyone, I have the time to formulate a response before answering.  Maybe there is something to it.

Larryj

Three phones... golf bag, car, home.  Prep H really works on eye bags. Use AFTER golfing in 19th Hole.  Wedding ring goes on after golf... I value my life.  I forgot to mention six more items in there.  One being a plane ticket to Europe in case I clobber my playing partner to death.