Choices...

[Warph]

A jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at a very big firm.

The HR manager interviewed him, then a test: clean the floor. "You are hired" he said, give me your email address, and I'll send you the application to fill, as well as when you will start. The man replied "I don't have a computer, neither an email".

I'm sorry, said the HR manager, if you don't have an email that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job. The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 US in his pocket.

He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 KG tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation 3 times, and returned home with $60 US. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubles or triples every day. Shortly later, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chooses a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied: 'I don't have an email'. The broker replied curiously, you don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Do you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?

The man thought for a while, and replied: an office boy!

The moral of this story:

1: Internet is not the solution to your life.
2: If you don't have internet and you work hard you can be a millionaire.
3: If you received this message by email, you are closer to be an office boy, rather than a MILLIONAIRE.

[Warph]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)
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If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)
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The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)
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A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
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A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)
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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
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The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!")
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The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
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The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
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Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
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Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)
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The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm......)
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Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
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Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(okay, so that would be a good thing)
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A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)
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Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)
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Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

[Warph]

             

[Warph]

THE STAGES OF SUCCESS IN LIFE


At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is...having friends.

At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 20 success is...having sex.

At age 35 success is...having money.

At age 50 success is...having money.

At age 60 success is...having sex.

At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is...having friends.

At age 80 success is...not peeing in your pants

[Warph]

You Can' fix Stupid!

[Warph]

An old blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"Well, I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground", he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

He quickly answered, "Oh that? The dog's leash goes slack!"

[Warph]

[Warph]

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks.... Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sun-up, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. "Rufus!!" Clarence would shout. "You better thank yor lucky stars I cain't swim... er I'd swim this river and whup your ass!!" "Clarence!!!" Rufus would holler back. "Ya'll better thank your lucky stars that I cain't swim either or I'd swim this river and whup your skinny butt!!!" This happened every morning for twenty years. One day the Army Corps of Engineers comes along and build a bridge. Still, every morning, every day for another five years this yelling across the river goes on, even with the bridge. Finally, Mrs.Rufus had had enough. "Rufus!" she squallers one day. "I cain't take no more!! Every day for 25 years you've been threatenin' to whup Clarence's ass. Well, there's the bridge... go git em." Rufus thought for a moment, chewed his bottom lip for another moment. "Woman!" he declared, snapping his suspenders into place, "I'm gonna cross that thar bridge and I'm gonna whup Clarence's ass!!!" He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank, came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about halfway over the bridge, looked up... turned tail and ran screaming back to the house, slammed the door, bolted the windows, grabbed the shotgun and dove under the bed!! "Rufus!" cried the misses. "I thought you wuz gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!" "I was, woman, I was!!" he whispered. "Rufus!" cried the misses. "What in tarnation is the matter?" "Well," muttered the terror-stricken Rufus, " I went to the bridge... I stepped up on the bridge... walked halfway over the bridge... looked up..." "And?" asked Mrs. Rufus, breathless with suspense. "And," continued Rufus, "I sawed a sign that said "Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches." He ain't never looked that big from the other side of the river!"

[Warph]

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched   the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.  They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son ..."Go get your mother."