Messages

License plates                      Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be ... ?

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Adults are just kids who owe money.

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

You! Off my planet!

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

I'm just driving this way to get you mad.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Hang up and drive.

Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?     

A Bus Load Of Politicians Crashes

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."

The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie." 

How Government Works
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said,"Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said,"How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said,"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said,"How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said,"Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said,"We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.

TOP TEN Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
  9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

  8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!"

  7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

  6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

  5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

  4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

  3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

  2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.
  1. " ...... AMEN!"


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 go to political humor Ill be on that forum being silly and having fun with people..Its funnier over there anyways!!!

My logic is flawed wow!!!!! Guns are important to you good have at it sleep with your guns I dont give a rats ass what you do with your guns as long as you are responsible in what you do with your guns..LIke no drinking and doing drugs for example while messing with guns...THats Bad  or playing games with guns thats bad too....Or showing off with guns like some do thats bad also... Being Responsible is the key to being a gun owner..You just wont stop will you even after I explained to you mtcookson that there is no reason for me to debate anything with you because it wont matter The issues that we find important are different...  We all can come up with information that justifies both our believes and IM not even against Guns I have never ever ever said I was Against Guns NONONONONO  all I said was BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH   repeatrepeatrepeat because it was the same shit over and over and over that people were saying...........I would protect my family with a gun if it came down to it also......  Just because I am a Democrat and I voted for and stand beside Obama doesnt mean there are a few issues that I dont agree with him on.....It happens you know... I justdont believe in almost everything else that you believe in....   So Peace to you and your family and your guns    So Im ending this with a Goodbye Peace and Im heading to the political Humor its fun there..

    Peace and love people Peace and love

David Letterman's Top Ten Things Overheard During the Bush/Obama Meeting

10. You sure you want this job?
9. Actually, sir, I do mind if you call me "Barack-odile Dundee."
8. Let me know if you want the Secret Service to frisk you for fun.
7. I appreciate the offer, but you can take the spittoons with you.
6. Honest opinion: would it be a mistake to pardon Amy Winehouse?
5. Is that Roger Clinton sleeping on the sofa?
4. The red phone is for talking to world leaders, the blue phone is for ordering Domino's.
3. When there's a big crisis, you might be here as late as 4 pm.
2. Other than the economy, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, the deficit, the crumbling  infrastructure, our energy policy, Gitmo
and global warming, is there anything else I need to fix?
1. When can you start?

it was kind of cute. Senator Barack Obama, President-elect Barack Obama and his wife went on their first date since the election. They actually went on a date, they went out and had dinner. And it is weird, though, when you think about it, don't you, to have a Democrat in the White House who actually dates his own wife?" --David Letterman

"And then today, the big transition process begins, because earlier today, Barack Obama met with President Bush at the White House. So you had the president-elect and the president-inept, so they were there together." --David Letterman

"But I'm no pundit. I don't know anything about politics, but as soon as Barack Obama shook hands with President Bush, Obama's ratings went down 10 points." --David Letterman

Today was another historic day. President Bush took President-elect Barack Obama on a tour of the White House. At one point, Barack opened a closet. Bush said, 'Oh, don't open that,' and a huge stack of unread intelligence memos fell out." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama attended a parent-teacher conference at his daughters' school the other day. And a very positive meeting. The teacher said, both the girls already reading at a President Bush level." --Jay Leno

Everybody seems to be ganging up on Sarah Palin lately. Have you noticed that? Oh, boy. Now, when she goes hunting, the moose return fire. That's how bad it's gotten." --Jay Leno

"Well, Sarah Palin continuing to speak out. She said she now knows Africa is not a country. She also knows that, with the campaign over, she's looking forward to a nice, relaxing vacation in the nation of Hawaii." --Jay Leno

Well Burnt Hills  there are afew people you will get along with just perfectly on here  .... Welcome to the forum enjoy and good day to you... Peace    And Pam I love Maxine too its sooo funny...