This topic is one that I spent 4 hours talking to my 52 year old neighbor on Saturday. You see Saturday morning I woke up and at 48 years old I figured out I AM the old dude down the street as we used to call them when I was a kid. How the hell did that happen? I find myself and the world still facing the same problems I saw as a kid 35 years ago. Back in the 60's and 70's I knew that if those old dudes just stopped screwing up the world and got out of our way my generation would feed the world, stop the wars, solve the oil crisis, stop polluting the environment.
Today is the 40th Anniversary of Apollo 11 and man walking on the Moon . I remember watching Walter Cronkite talking about it on the news, by the way I am sure by now you have heard he passed away. So did Michael Jackson he was 50 years old., my age. Where did those gray hairs on my chest come from? Some in my beard, just a couple in my hair. Is that thin spot on top of my head getting thinner? At least I haven't lost as much hair as most of my friends. The race to the moon and space exploration is my age. Probably one of the greatest triumphs of man.
My neighbor and I were unable to solve our midlife crisis. In fact talking to people my age seems to make things worse. In my neighborhood everyone is within 10 years of my age. Those little kids that used to live next door now have an 8 year old daughter. Heck I remember when he was 8. I remember when I was 8. After all I was watching the moon landing.
I realize a midlife crisis can be survived. Since no one in my neighborhood seems to know the answer I thought I would ask here; where I know there is a large group of wise people that are 20 to 30 years past this stage. How do you get past the feeling that things will never change for the better. I feel lucky to have been born when I was in 1961 I think I pretty much have been able to live most of my life in the Golden Age of America (1950-1999). I hope we have another one before I die.
I think by now most of you get my point. So tell me my wise elders. Do I get a topless red Ferrari and a topless young redhead or do I move to the cabin in the woods. ???
David
p.s. Yes I made an appointment with the doctor to make sure that this is not caused by that new medicine I am taking. :laugh:
David, I say move to a cabin in the woods for some peace and quite time.
After thinking about this for awhile, I realized what we did. I was 49 and my husband was 51 when we decided to move from Severy to Sedgewick County where he had worked for 26 years and I had just obtained a job. We mortgaged everything we owned to make a down payment on an acreage in the county. Later, after my husband's by-pass surgery and retirement, we used the acreage and some of our savings to make a down payment on an Elk County half section of pasture. Still later, we used the equity in the pasture to buy the home where I am now living.
What reassured me in taking this chance was that my uncle who had just retired bought some acres on the south side of Winfield, turned it into a truck farm and lived the rest of his life happily doing something that he enjoyed.
My advice to you is, if there is something that you really want to do, do it. If you have the money or the resources, go ahead. What if you don't leave a fortune to posterity? Posterity can do it the same way you did.
By the way I was speaking metaphorically about the car and young redhead. I need that like I need a hole in my head. Dee Gee I am seriously thinking about the cabin in the woods.
Diane do women have this same type of midlife crisis? I ask because when the boys and I are discussing this they look at us sweetly, smile, a little kiss on the cheek and say don't be silly. The boys and I don't think they actually get it fully. The little vacations don't really help anymore. It has to be a bigger change. Not many of them (the gals) are too keen on the idea of moving out to the little cabin in the woods for more than a few days. Right now I think one of the solutions is the boys and I have to make a big mental shift of some kind in our way of thinking. In the meantime we are planning out our airshow schedules and headed up to Tahoe to Camp Richardson to the little cabins on the lake. The gals don't mind them because it is not out in the boonies, but it feels like it. It is not the solution but it gives us a little time to figure out the solution. Right now you all are going to have to fix the world without me. I am turning off the tv, turning off the ringer on the phone, and staying away from any discussion of politics. I'll let you know what the boys and I figure out We are open to suggestions. :laugh:
David :)
p.s.Wilma, the advice to find something you love and do it is great. Very popular with the boys.
David, repeat after me..."Ohhhhhhhmmmmmmm...Ohhhhhhhhhhmmmmmm..." :laugh: :laugh: Assume the Lotus position and do some meditating...By the time the EMS people have you safely put in traction so that you'll outlive the Lotus position, your midlife crisis will be over with! lol
WowI am readin this with interest! I thought I was the only one lol. I am havin the same crisis I think :P One career is over thru no fault of my own, my last chick is startin her last year of high school and I'm wonderin what the hell I'm gonna do with the rest of my life :P It ain't just the guys David..................
I'm 49, I'm in good shape physically even with some extra weight, I figure I've got probly 30 good years left and I'm gonna make the most of em...just as soon as I figure out what the most is LOL ;D (think theres probly a hot rod truck in the mix somewhere ) Joe might balk at the red-head tho!
David, if you are taking a new med, check into it to find if depression is a side effect. It is an easy thing to check on the internet. I always checked on any new med that they gave to Ted. It is surprising how many doctors are unfamiliar with the side effects of new drugs. Most doctors now use that little electronic desk reference, and it is a good thing. If the med is not the problem then go with your heart. Women are not the only beings affcted with changing hormones as we grow older. Check on that also, it might be time for a really good checkup my friend. ;) ;)
Quote from: pamsback on July 20, 2009, 11:15:20 AM
WowI am readin this with interest! I thought I was the only one lol. I am havin the same crisis I think :P One career is over thru no fault of my own, my last chick is startin her last year of high school and I'm wonderin what the hell I'm gonna do with the rest of my life :P It ain't just the guys David..................
I'm 49, I'm in good shape physically even with some extra weight, I figure I've got probly 30 good years left and I'm gonna make the most of em...just as soon as I figure out what the most is LOL ;D (think theres probly a hot rod truck in the mix somewhere ) Joe might balk at the red-head tho!
Pam the boys just voted you into the club. That part about "just as soon as I figure it out" had them all shaking their heads in agreement. While I wont say "welcome to the club" it is nice to no you are not alone.
Now to the others because I really am going to try to stay off the internet
SDM- Done and done. Thanks for the medical advice.
Catwoman even though I am a Californian I will not be meditating in the lotus position going OOOOm. I will be meditating in my own way though.
Diane thanks for all your comments. We will have to have the "girls" pull the slots for you. Going to the Casino is exactly opposite of what I have in mind. Get away from people.
Thanks
David
David,
Please enjoy your 50's but watch out for the 60's! Always there are challenges which help keep our interest going. Just believe you can do it and chances are you can. My thought would be get the redhead, Ferrari and take her to the cabin! :laugh: :laugh:
Each day is a new challenge with different desires. I remember my uncle thirty or so years ago walking across a dirt road to the church to attend a funeral. He was struggling getting out of the car. We approached him offering assistants. He let us hold on to him and as we made it to the other side, the thrill on his face was that of accomplishment. The only words he could offer after the struggle crossing the uneven road was: HOT DOG!!
It is the little things! Enjoy! :) ;)
David, mid life crisis is found in men more in a mental way instead of too much physical hormonal change that women go through. Some years ago, when I was 59, I was in the market for a new car. My two children, read grown children, were secretly waging bets with each other and their mother that I would buy some sporty little car with two seats. They were shocked when I bought a mini-van. They asked why because this was not a mid life crisis decision that made sense to them. I said I need something to haul grandpa's wheel chair in and when I go on a camping trip I want something that can haul all the stuff to the campground. They laughed and said I was "out of it" and I didn't really need a van. Two weeks later, my son wanted to borrow it to move some things for a friend. I could have said no, remembering the derision he had when I bought the van, but I let him use it. So, a mid life crisis is just a stage where like you said what happened to my hair and what do I want to do next to keep on keepin' on. Wilma is right that you do what makes you happy. I love being around my two granddaughters and just enjoying life while I can. I don't remember now if I had a mid life crisis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Larryj
I would love to help you all out on this one, but since I'm only 57 (almost 58), I have not reached mid life yet! Afterall I'm guessing it won't happen until about 75. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
David, we're about the same age but you're a little slower at it than I am. I had my "crisis" at 39 and after a year or so of exciting self-rediscovery, I ended up in Kansas! I think men and women get "antsy" for different reasons, and usually have different ways of going about it, but I do believe it's about self-rediscovery.
I've always thought change (in moderation) is a good thing. A little agitation keeps a pond from growing stagnant. If you aren't changing, you aren't growing. If you aren't growing, you're dying. Life ain't no dress rehearsal....don't spend it front of the TV, PC or any other passive device. What have you always wanted to try? When you were a kid, what did you dream of doing? What things, when you do them, give you the greatest satisfaction and sense of value to yourself and others? That's what you should be doing.
I walked away from a pretty comfortable life and career, and I'm now doing what I lovingly call "glorified camping" in an old church in Howard, KS. And I've never been happier and less worried about the future. While my questions to you in the previous paragraph all include the word "doing," it's not really about doing or having, it's about being. Is your doing a true reflection of your being? That's one of the biggest triggers for "crisis," and one of the most challenging to resolve.
Also be sure if you have the urge to run, that you're running toward something, and not from something.
Sounds like fishing time to me. Always makes things look better. If the fish aren't biting then just sitting in the boat away from everything.
david, I have found, well I had to go through a bunch of "cow-stuff" before
I figured out that I am in the best place I can be.
Would I love to have money, YES........would I love to be able to move and act
like I did at 35............Yes,
I am content, for the most part........I am happily waiting for the next chapter.....but
it has been so hard getting me to this point.
In my mind I can still do all I want to do and I do keep hoping.......but, now I am content with what
the Lord gives me and knowing that "This too shall pass" Enjoy each day as it comes and
live to the hilt.
Each of us must face the growing old (er) we don't have to get OLD..........keep your sense of worth, and humor and do get
out and smell the flowers and mellow.
Listen to the peace and quiet when in the mountains and just keep on keeping on.
You are loved........and worth loving.........hang in there.
Have a great vacation.
God bless
To quote the old saying,
I MAY BE GETTING OLDER, BUT I REFUSE TO GROW UP!
I agree totallly with Judy, in that it took a while to get this far and I am looking forward to see what is next.
Larryj
QuoteIs your doing a true reflection of your being? That's one of the biggest triggers for "crisis," and one of the most challenging to resolve.
The problem is you spend so many years doin you forget what being is or was lol, so as a friend of mine says you go sit and watch the "sparkles" and try to remember who you used to be when you were just a person instead of mom or wife or whatever
QuotePam the boys just voted you into the club. That part about "just as soon as I figure it out" had them all shaking their heads in agreement. While I wont say "welcome to the club" it is nice to no you are not alone.
Thanks :) Here's to us figurin out who we wanna be when we grow up lol
First let me say that this has been a great topic and I think there is 5 lifetimes of wisdom here and I hope that by my next comments we can increase it even more.
I posted this topic because it was based on a whole collection of my thoughts and those of my friends and neighbors who as I said are all the same age. I hope I can keep this brief, but forgive me if I don't.
I received an e-mail from one of the forum members where she thought that my case of male midlife crisis was so bad that I should go to the hospital. For the first time something on this forum actually caused me to toss and turn all night. So forgive me if I get long winded in this message, I will try to keep it short. This is the only post of mine you should ever believe is 100% true and serious. If I ever do it again I will post that 100% true label. If I ever do post anything here that you want to know how close to 100% true it is as long as you promise not to tell what I say in a private conversation I will tell you.
Now Let me tell you about how I see this forum and the internet. Realize that I am leaving out 3 book volumes of explanation. I will try to explain with concepts we all know.
I see the internet and this forum as only virtual reality. It is not real even though it does share things with real life. So while I may offer glimpses of my true self, my friends and neighbors know the real me. For some of you that is different because you actually know each other in real life. I wiill probably never ever meet any of you. Not that I would not like to meet you.
Now things I think many of you know about me and I thought I have said here before.
I love Mark Twain and his way of spinning a yarn. I like to tell stories and I am not beyond combining them and exaggerating them if it tells a story or will further a discussion or debate. I love debate. I just might argue that the sun rises in the west. I will argue against my own beliefs if I think the whole story is missing. Also, if you are being rude to a fellow forum member, saying racist, homophobic, bigoted comments there is no limit to what I might do. Thank goodness I had a good Kansas upbringing of manners and values for real life. Since the internet is a fake, virtual world don't make it real. To the person that sent me the e-mail I am sorry that I caused you so much stress; your concern touched my heart. I hope I have done this topic just and I know people don't see it the same way as I do.
If I have to boil this down. If you read my post if I don't post a 100% truth sticker on it assume it is a fictional novel based on a true story. I thought this was more evident to people with all the emoticons, but we don't all view the real world the same and we don't see the virtual world the same.
All this doesn't mean what we discuss here is not important or enjoying. Now I have to go design that sticker. I hope you get my point.
David :angel:
David,
Never thought for a moment that you were serious. I had a mid-life crisis when my last child left home. The emptyness of the house was erie. Went out a bought a white sofa. Always wanted one so what the heck, it was three months and someone was moving back in and grandkids were all over that white sofa. We laughed and enjoyed every spot. It has been gone for many years and replaced with darker versions. Two sets of grandkids have lived here for different amounts of time. Now another grandson has joined the household. Never really took the time to have much of a crisis. Life is what you make it. I do enjoy your wit and humor. Also, the way you put your words together. Different people interpret the written word differently. Keep it coming!