Political humor

[Roma Jean Turner]

OK you guys, here I am sitting in McAlister's doing the internet trying to behave normally.  I was doing just fine untill I saw the picture of the airplane.  Now I have tears rolling down my face and my hands over my face trying not to make to much noise..  Maybe they will just think I am senile....not to be offensive of course to anyone older. 

[Teresa]

The last four letters in American.........I Can
The last four letters in Republican.......I Can
The last four letters in Democrats........Rats
End of Lesson
Test to follow in November 

[Diane Amberg]

The last four letters in Independent are......... dent....What we are doing to both Repubs and Demos....watch out, we are everywhere.

[Jo McDonald]

Two  Arkansas mechanical engineers  were  standing at the base of a flagpole, looking  up. 
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.     
'We're  supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Bubba, 'but we  don't have a ladder.'
The  woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid  the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six  inches,'   and  walked away.
Ray  shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!'     
Bubba and Ray are currently working for the Government.

[Wilma]

Jo, I will bet that one is a true one.

[Teresa]

[Diane Amberg]

Don't laugh, that's one of the few photos we have of Osama Bin Laden.

[sixdogsmom]

Allus knowed he was a big A**! 

[Jo McDonald]

  The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!  "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers, I voted for Obama and now drive a Toyota.

[flo]

 
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in  California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?" 
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg  ,  Germany . 
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. 
Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S.  Government", says Bud. 
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" 
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.  This is a herd of sheep. ..
Now give me back my dog