Mustard

[Jo McDonald]

 
Mustard
         I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father)..


         As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet Mustard.
         The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
         'Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,' she said.
         I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers..
        I love mustard.
        I had no napkin.
        I licked it off.
        It was not mustard.
      No man ever put a baby down faster.
         It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.
         With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
         Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife Said, 'Now you know why they call that fancy mustard
      Poupon.'
     

[Jane]

Jo,
You are just too funny.
Jane