another slice of wry

[Diane Amberg]

Anyone besides me have family members who rode in the OK land rush?

[larryJ]

Diane, my paternal grandparents did move to Tulsa, but that was in the early 1900's, well after the land rush.

Today's-----------------yep

Ah, inner peace!

If you can start the day without caffeine.
If you can't wait to run out and greet each new day.
If you are always cheerful and never complain.
If you can take criticism without resentment.
If you are always ready to take the ball and run with it.
If you can relax without alcohol.
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs.
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Then you are probably.............
/
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The family dog.

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In 1896, the Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen was publicly demonstrated in New York City.

In 1961, Judy Garland performed her legendary concert at New York's Carnegie Hall.

In 1969, Sirhan Sirhan was sentenced to die for assassinating Robert F. Kennedy.  (The sentence was later reduced to life imprisonment.) ((Thank you, Justice Rose Bird...))

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Today---------------Actress-turned-diplomat Shirley Temple Black is 83, Actor Alan Oppenheimer is 81, Actor David Birney is 72, Actor Lee Majors is 72, Actress Blair Brown is 63 and Actress Joyce DeWitt is 62.

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April 23rd is:  Movie Theater Day, International Marconi Day, Talk Like Shakespeare Day, World Book & Copyright Day and Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------kids!

Little Ricky and his family sat down to Sunday dinner at Grandma's house.  Ricky was served the first plate and he immediately began eating.

"Ricky!" his mother cried, "Please!  We need to pray first."

Ricky replied, "I don't need to pray."

Mom, shocked, said, "Why would you say such a thing?  We always pray before we eat at our house."

Ricky said, "That's at our house.  This is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!"

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In 1961, in the wake of the failed Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba, the White House issued a statement saying that President John F. Kennedy "bears the responsibility for the events of the past few days,"

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Today----------------Film and drama critic Stanley Kauffmann is 95, Movie director-producer Richard Donner is 81, Actress Shirley MacLaine is 77, Actress-singer-director Barbra Streisand is 69 and Rock singer-musician Rob Hyman is 61,

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April 24th is:  Easter (Happy Easter), World Tai Chi & Qigong Day, National Pet Parent Day and Mother, Father Deaf Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------This guy will be running for higher office soon.

The country sheriff was not too bright.  When Farmer Brown called to report that the Williams brothers had stolen his pig, the sheriff asked for a description of the vehicle and said, "Don't worry, Farmer Brown, I'll catch those varmints."

He hopped in his squad car, tore down the road, caught up with the car and pulled it over.  He approached, leaned in, and asked, "You the Williams brothers by any chance?"  They nodded.

He turned his flashlight on them, one at a time, and asked, "What are your names?"  The driver said, "Luke."  The passenger said, "Clem."

The sheriff aimed his flashlight into the back and saw the pig.  The pig said, "Oink."


The next day, Farmer Brown called the sheriff and asked what had happened.  The sheriff replied, "I had to let them go.  There was no pig in that car.  It was just the Williams brothers, Luke, Clem and Oink."

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In 1507, German cartographer Martin Waldseemueller produced a world map containing the first recorded use of the term "America" in honor of Italian navigator Amerigo Vespucci.

In 1901, New York Gov, Benjamin Barker Odell Jr. signed an automobile registration bill which imposed a 15 mph speed limit on highways.

In 1944, the United Negro College Fund was founded.

In 1945, Delegates from some 50 countries met in San Fransisco to organize the United Nations.

In 1990, the Hubble Telescope was deployed in orbit from the space shuttle Discovery.  (Although Hubble was hailed as a scientific triumph, it was discovered that the telescope's primary mirror was flawed, requiring the installation of corrective components to achieve optimal focus.)

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Today__________________Move director-writer Paul Mazursky is 81, Songwriter Jerry Leiber is 78, Actor Al Pacino is 71, Rock musician Stu Cook (Creedence Clearwater Revival) is 66, Singer Bjorn Ulvaeus (ABBA) is 66, Actress Talia Shire is 65, Actor Jeffrey DeMunn is 64, Rock musician Michael Brown (The Left Banke) is 62 and Rock musician Steve Ferrone (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers) is 61,

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April 25th is:  Easter Monday, DNA Day, Red Hat Society Day, Dyngus Day, White House Easter Egg Roll Day, 20-something Service Day, Malaria Awareness Day and Hug a Plumber or Plumber's Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------funny

TOP TEN ONE-LINERS

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.  He thought he was God.  I didn't.

2  I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.

3.  Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.

4.  I used to have a handle on life.  It broke.

5.  You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

6.  Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 

7.  I'm not a complete idiot.  Some parts are just missing.

8.  Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes.

9.  NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

10.  God must love stupid people.  He made so many of them.

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In 1607, English colonists went ashore at present-day Cape Henry, VA, on an expedition to establish the first English permanent in the Western Hemisphere.

In 1865, John Wilkes Booth, the assassin of President Abraham Lincoln, was surrounded by federal troops near Bowling Green, KY, and killed.

In 1961, Roger Maris of the New York Yankees hit the first of his 61 home runs during a 162 game season (compared to Babe Ruth's 60 home runs during a 154 game season) as he hit a round tripper of Paul Foytack at Tiger Stadium.

In 1968, the United States exploded beneath the Nevada desert a 1.3 megaton nuclear device called "Boxcar".

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Today--------------Actress-comedian Carol Burnett is 78, Rhythm-and-blues singer Maurice Williams is 73, Songwriter-musician Duane Eddy is 73, Singer Bobby Rydell is 69 and Rock musician Gary Wright is 68.

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April 26th is:  Hug An Australian Day, Audubon Day, National Kids and Pets Day and Richter Scale Day.

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Larryj

[flintauqua]

Hug An Australian Day

Darn, where's Nicole Kidman when you need her?

[larryJ]

Today's------------old but still funny

There was a knock on the door this morning.

I opened it to find a young man standing there, dressed in black slacks, a white shirt and a slim black tie, who said, "Hello, sir, I'd like to talk to you about salvation."

I said, "Come in and sit down."

I offered him cookies from a platter.  He took one.  Then I asked him if he wanted some lemonade.  He said yes.  We both enjoyed a glass.

Afterward I said, "Tell me again...........what do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the heck out of me.  I've never gotten this far before."

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In 1861, President Abraham Lincoln, citing public safety concerns amid the Civil War, suspended the writ of habeas corpus in an area between Philadelphia and Washington.  (Lincoln later lifted the order, but then suspended habeas corpus for the entire Union in September 1862.  Habeas Corpus was restored by President Andrew Johnson in December 1865.)

In 1973, Acting FBI Director L. Patrick Gray resigned after it was revealed that he'd destroyed files removed from the safe of Watergate conspirator E. Howard Hunt.

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Today--------------Actor Jack Klugman is 89, Actress Anouk Aimee is 79, Announcer Casey Kasem is 79, Actress Judy Carne is 72, Rhythm-and-blues singer Cuba Gooding is 67, Singer Ann Peebles is 64, Rhythm-and-blues singer Herbie Murrell  (The Stylistics) is 62 and Actor Douglas Sheehan is 62,

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April 27th is:  Secretary's Day, Babe Ruth Day, Mantanzas Mule Day and Morse Code Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------oooookay

A man went to the hospital after being bitten by a raccoon.

The doctor said, "The wound seems minor, but animal bites can be infectious.  I think we should call animal control authorities and see if they can round up this raccoon.  Would you be able to identify it?"

The man shook his head.  "I don't think so.  It was wearing a mask."

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In 1789, Maryland became the seventh state to ratify the U.S. Constitution.

In 1952, war with Japan officially ended as a treaty signed in San Francisco the year before took effect.  And, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower resigned as Supreme Allied commander in Europe; he was succeeded by Gen. Matthew B. Ridgeway.

In 1967, heavyweight boxing champion Muhammad Ali refused to be inducted in the Army.  And, Gen. William C. Westmoreland told Congress that the U.S. "would prevail in Vietnam."

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Today------------------Author Harper Lee is 85, Former Secretary of State James A. Baker III is 81, Actress-singer Ann-Margret is 70, Actress Marcia Strassman is 63, Actor Paul Guilfoyle (CSI) is 62 and "Tonight Show" host Jay Leno is 61.

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April 28th is:  Take Our Sons & Daughters To Work Day, Worker's Memorial Day and Poem In Your Pocket Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------hah

The minister announced details of a church social event and said that admission would be $6 per person, except for seniors. "If you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50."

From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for 50 lousy cents?"

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In 1961, "ABC's Wide World of Sports" premiered with Jim McKay as host.

In 1992, deadly rioting erupted in Los Angeles after a jury in Simi Valley acquitted four Los Angeles police officers of almost all state charges in the videotaped beating of Rodney King.

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Today----------Rhythm-and-blues singer Carl Gardner (The Coasters) is 83, Actor Keith Baxter is 78, Bluesman Otis Rush is 77, Country singer Duane Allen (The Oak Ridge Boys) is 68, Singer Tommy James is 64 and Actress Celeste Holm is 94.

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April 28th is:  Arbor Day, National Dance Day, Interstate Mullet Toss Day, National Hairball Awareness Day and Save The Frogs Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------really wise man.......or not

A movie company went on location in southern Utah.  Because weather in that part of the country changes every 10 seconds, a wise old soothsayer was hired to forecast conditions.

The soothsayer was amazing.  He predicted rain and it rained.  He predicted wind and, sure enough, it was windy.  He predicted sunshine for several days, and he was right every time.

One day, though, the soothsayer was stumped.  He said he couldn't make a forecast.  The producer asked, "What happened to your magical powers?"

The soothsayer replied, "My cell phone battery died."

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In 1789, George Washington took office in New York as the first president of the United States.

In 1973, President Richard M. Nixon announced the resignations of top aides H.R. Haldeman and John Ehrlichman, along with Attorney General Richard G. Kleindienst and White House counsel John Dean.

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Today-----------Actress Cloris Leachman is 85, Actor Gary Collins is 73, Actor Burt Young is 71, Singer Bobby Vee is 68, Actor Perry King is 63 and Singer Willie Nelson is 78.

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April 30th is:  (Bear with me here), Eeyores Birthday Day, Beltane, Bob Wills Day, Bugs Bunny Day, National Go Birding Day, National Hairstylists Appreciation Day, National Honesty Day, National Rebuilding Day, Just Pray No! Worldwide Weekend of Prayer & Fasting, National Take Back (Prescription Drugs) Day, Penguin Day, Pinhole Photography Day, Sense of Smell Day, Spank Out Day, Walpurgis Night, World Healing Day and World Tai Chi & Qigong Day.

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Larryj