another slice of wry

[Judy Harder]

IN THE PUB

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.  The music was really, really  loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.   I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
`

[larryJ]

Todays-------------------------------------------ooooooooooooooooooooooh!

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read, "UNIQUE BREAKFAST," so he walked in and sat down.  The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.

"What is your Unique Breakfast,? he inquired.

"Baked tongue of chicken," she replied.

"Baked tongue of chicken?  Do you have any idea how disgusting that is?  I'd never, ever even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?"

"Just bring me a couple of eggs, over easy," the man replied.

Larryj

[patyrn]

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.........................

[larryJ]

Todays--------------------------------This guy was probably blond, too---------------------

A couple of months ago, a guy entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swamp land below the flood plain in Mississippi.  Shortly after that he won a $250,000 log cabin kit, so naturally he had it built on his new land.

Well, folks, he pulled up stakes here and moved down there.  And, just last night, as he sat on his new porch, watching the rain and listening to the thunder, it all started to sink iin.

(Wait for it, Patyrn)

Larryj

[patyrn]

Got it.................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[larryJ]

Probably not worth even a groan, but here is todays------------------------------------

As  Marjorie left the grocery store, she noticed two little kids, maybe 6 or 7 years old, selling candy bars in front of the store to raise money for their school band.

"I'll buy a chocolate bar on one condition," she said to the boys-----"you eat it for me."

True to her word, Marjorie bought one and handed the candy back to the boy.  He shook his head and said, "I can't."

"Why not?"

Looking at her intently, he responded gravely, "I'm not supposed to take candy from strangers."

Larryj

[larryJ]

Todays-----------


As a high school football coach, Jack was well aware that student athletes tend to focus too much on sports.  Bob, a fellow coach, was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night.

When his wife informed the jock that Bob wasn't home, the kid became frantic, and said he had to speak to the coach right away. 

"Just calm down, and I'll have him call you as soon as he gets home" the coach's wife told him.  "What's your number?"

The flustered kid replied, "Three."   

Another brilyunt mind diztroyed by publik edukashn.    (wow! spell check went nuts over this one)

Larryj

[dnalexander]

Back during my days in Alaska I went hunting for a Dall Ram Sheep outside a little town called Chicken, Alaska. After a very hard day of hunting and climbing allover the mountains I found myself in a bar drinking next to a old Inuit native guy who told me how his grandfather was one of the founders of Chicken, Alaska. After many great stories I eventually had to ask him the burning question in my mind. How did the town get it's name. He said that the founding fathers wanted to call it Ptarmigan but couldn't spell it, so they named it Chicken. I didn't get my sheep but I did get a pretty large bag of Ptarmigan. One of which was so large that I had it stuffed. Unfortunately I can't show you a picture of it since when my Brit Kansas was a puppy he thought it was a big white quail from the great legends of the plains indians. At first I was mad at Kansas for ripping the bird of its base. But as any gun dog owner can tell you that the first time your puppy carries a bird in his mouth without eating it is a proud day. So I will provide you with some ptarmigan pictures I found on the internet.

Alaskan Willow Ptarmigan





Chicken, Alaska

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken,_Alaska

David

[larryJ]

A trip to and from the South Hills and Mt. Rushmore featured a look from the interstate at a place called "Lost, Wyoming."

Population 4---------yep 4.  The "town" consisted of a bar with a house built on top of it.  So one building with a bar and housing and a group (family?) of 4 living there.  Who goes to the bar?  I don't know.  Local ranchers maybe?  I took a picture from the interstate as there was a gate across the access road.  Picture is not great.  I also took a picture of the sign on the interstate that announces the name of the town and the population. and maybe I will find it somewhere someday.

Larryj

[larryJ]

Todays----------------------------

"A stitch in time saves nine" sounds great, but it doesn't mean much any more.  Isn't it about time we had some new/revised proverbs for the modern age?

Here are some submissions:

What boots up must come down
Fax is stranger than fiction
Don't byte off more than you can view
The geek shall inherit the earth
The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.  Teach him to use the Net and he won't be a bother for weeks.

BTW, I looked up the proverb, "a stitch in time saves nine" and it means basically that if you repair a problem when it is small, it will keep you from having to use more time and energy to fix when it is bigger.  Using the word nine was only to make the proverb rhyme, sorta.

Larryj