another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's------------------know the feeling

The former sorority sisters remained friends after graduation.  They decided to celebrate their 10-year reunion, and they chose the Ocean's Edge restaurant because of the cute waiters there.  A decade later, the celebrated their 20-year reunion, and they chose the Ocean's Edge restaurant because of its outstanding cuisine.  A decade later, they met again at the Ocean's Edge restaurant, because they loved the view there.  A decade later, they picked the Ocean's Edge restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet.  A decade later, they decided on the Ocean's Edge, because it was wheelchair accessible.  A decade later, it was time for their 60-year reunion.  They discussed where they should meet.  Finally, it was agreed that they should try the Ocean's Edge  because they had never been there before.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

In 1846, Sarah G. Bagley became the first female telegrapher as she took charge at the newly opened telegraph office in Lowell, Mass.

In 1885, the Washington Monument was dedicated.


In 1925, "The New Yorker" magazine made its debut.

In 1965, black Muslim leader and civil rights activist Malcolm X, 39, was shot to death inside the Audubon Ballroom in New York by assassins identified as members of the Nation of Islam.

In 1972, President Richard M. Nixon began his historic visit to China as he and his wife, Pat, arrived in Beijing.

In 1995, Chicago adventurer Steve Fossett became the first person to fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon, landing in Leader, Saskatchewan.

__________________________________________________

Today--------Movie director Bob Rafelson is 78, Actor Gary Lockwood is 74, Actor-director Richard Beymer is 72, Film/music company executive David Geffen is 68, Actor Alan Rickman is 65, Actress Tyne Daly is 65 and Actor Anthony Daniels is 65.

___________________________________________________

February 21st is:  International Mother Language Day and President's Day.

_________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------old and a repeat, but funny

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary, and his wife was furious.  She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"

Bob left early in the morning.  Later, when his wife woke up, she looked out the window and there was a small gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.  Confused, she went outside and collected the box, brought it inside, and opened it.  She found a brand-new bathroom scale.

It's been almost a week, and Bob is still missing.

__________________________________________________________

In 1732, the first president of the United States, George Washington, was born in Westmoreland County in the Virginia colony.

In 1973, the United States and China agreed to establish liaison offices.

In 1980, the "Miracle on Ice" took place in Lake Placid NY as the United States Olympic hockey team upset the Soviets, 4-3.  (The U.S. went on to win the gold medal.)

In 1984, 12-year-old David Vetter , who'd spent most of his life in a plastic bubble because he  had no immunity to disease, died 15 days after being removed from the bubble for a bone-marrow transplant.

_____________________________________________________________

Today-------------Announcer Don Pardo is 93, Hollywood "ghost singer" Marni Nixon is 81, Actor John Ashton is 63, Actress Miou-Miou is 61 and Basketball Hall-of-Famer Julius Erving is 61.

______________________________________________________________

February 22nd is:  Spay Day USA, National Margarita Day, Single Tasking Day, World Thinking Day and Washington's Birthday.

____________________________________________________________

NOTE:  Today is the beginning of our week trip to the beach.  I have been told there is Internet service there.  However, if you don't see any postings from me, they lied.

____________________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------Yeaaah, they didn't lie, wi-fi hookup-and a new laptop, old one couldn't survive.

A blonde woman named Shannon found herself in dire trouble. Her business had gone bust and she was in serious financial trouble. She was so desperate that she decided to ask God for help. She began to pray.
"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night came and somebody else won. Shannon again prayed. "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house, and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night came and Shannon still had no luck. Once again she prayed. "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened, and Shannon was confronted by the voice of God Himself. "Shannon, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket!"

________________________________________________________________

In 1718, Baron Von Struben joined the Continental Army at Valley Forge.

In 1813, first U.S. cotton-to-cloth mill founded in Waltham, Mass.

In 1836, the Alamo was beseiged by Santa Ana; entire garrison was killed.

In 1954, the first mass innoculation of Salk Vaccine took place in Pittsburg, PA.

_______________________________________________________________

Today-------------Baseball player Elston Howard, New York Yankees catcher and  the first New York Yankee black player is 82, Actress Diane Varsi is 73, Actress Majel Barrett (Christine Chapel on Star Trek) is 72, Actor Peter Fonda is 71, NFL Wide Receiver Fred Belitnikoff is 68, Singer Larry Demps is 61, Actress Patricia Richardson is 60, NFL Linebacker Ed "Too Tall" Jones is 60.

______________________________________________________________

February 23rd is:  Curling is Cool Day, Iwo Jima Day (flag raising), Inconvenience Yourself Day.

______________________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------hah

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."

God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?"

God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"

________________________________________________________________

In 1836, Col Travis sends for help for the Alamo.

In 1868, President Andrew Johnson impeached.

In 1968, the Tet Offensive was halted.

In 1991, the Gulf War ground offensive began.

_________________________________________________________________

Today------------Actor Abe Vigoda is 90, Actor Steven Hill is 89, Actor Dominic Chianese is 80, Movie composer Michel Legrand is 79, Actor James Farentino is 73, Actor Barry Bostwick is 66, Singer Producer Rupert Holmes is 64, Actor Edward James Olmos is 64, Actress Debra Jo Rupp is 60 and Actress Helen Shaver is 60.

_______________________________________________________________

February 24th is:  Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day, National Chili Day and National Personal Chefs Day.

_______________________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------whoops

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend...

"I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

___________________________________________________________

In 1779, during the Revolutionary War, the British surrendered Ft. Sackville.

In 1862, the Legal Tender Act was passed.

In 1964, Cassius Clay (Mohammed Ali) knocked out Sonny Liston.

___________________________________________________________

Today--------------------------------Country singer Ralph Stanley is 84, Actress Diane Baker is 73 and Actress Karen Grassle is 67.

_________________________________________________________

February 25th is:  Nothing listed

___________________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------dang it

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."

___________________________________________________

In 1929, Grand Teton National Park was established.

In 1984, the last of the U.S. Marines left Beirut.

In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed.

__________________________________________________

Today--------------Singer Fats Domino is 83, Guitarist Paul Cotton (Poco) is 68 and Singer Mitch Ryder is 66.

_________________________________________________

February 26th is:  American Birkenbeider Race Day, For Pete's Sake Day, Levi Strauss Day, Open That Bottle Night and International Swordswallowers Day.

________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------another one that will get me in trouble

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and a half.

Finally the bartender, bursting with curiosity, says, "I know it's none of my business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the whole "drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one" routine?"

"Well," slurred the man, "There's a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she starts to look good, then it's time for me to go home."

________________________________________________

In 1827, a group of masked and costumed students danced in the streets of New Orleans marking the beginning of the city's famous Mardi Gras celebration.

In 1864, during the Civil War, federal prisoners began arriving at Andersonville prison.

In 1922, the Supreme Court defended women's right to vote.

______________________________________________

Today-----------Actress Joanne Woodward is 81, Actress Elizabeth Taylor is 79, Actress Barbara Babcock is 74 and Actor Howard Hesseman is 71.

____________________________________________

February 27th is:  Academy Awards Night

______________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------hah

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.
The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!"

The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell... ..that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

________________________________________________________

In 1784, John Wesley chartered the first Methodist Church in the U.S.

In 1861, Congress created the Colorado Territory.

In 1940, Racing legend Mario Andretti was born.

In 1983, the final episode of M.A.S.H. was aired.

In 1993, federal agents raided the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas.

___________________________________________________________

Today-------------Actor Charles Durning is 88, Actor Gavin MacLeod is 80, Actor-dancer-director Tommy Tune is 72, Singer Joe South is 71 and Actress Bernadette Peters is 63.

__________________________________________________________

February 28th is:  Floral Design Day, National Tooth Fairy Day, Purim and Rare Disease Day.

___________________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------back in the home crib, vacation is over.

Chris was the adorable four-year-old son of Pat and Jim.  He was known for his friendly ways, and neighbors often invited him into their homes.

One weekend, he was asked by neighbors Keith and Kelly to come inside for freshly baked sugar cookies and a glass of ice-cold lemonade.  While Keith poured the lemonade, Kelly refilled the ice trays with water at the kitchen sink and put them in the freezer.

Little Chris was curious.  His own mom used the kind of ice that comes in bags at the supermarket.  So he asked Kelly, "What are you doing?"

Kelly said, "I'm making ice cubes."

Chris, not missing a beat, said, "Don't you know you can buy those?"


______________________________________________________________

In 1790, President George Washington signed a measure authorizing the first U.S. census.

In 1932, Charles A. Lindbergh Jr., the son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh, was kidnapped from the family home near Hopewell, NJ.  (Remains identified as those of the child were found the following May.)

In 1961, President John F. Kennedy signed an executive order establishing the Peace Corps.

_____________________________________________________________

Today----------------Actor Robert Clary is 85, Singer Harry Belafonte is 84, Actor Robert Conrad is 76, Rock singer Roger Daltry is 67, Actor Dirk Benedict is 66 and Actor Alan Thicke is 64.

________________________________________________________

March 1st is: Asiatic Fleet Memorial Day, National Horse Protection Day, Peace Corps Birthday, Pig Day, Plan a Solo Vacation Day and Refired, not Retired Day.

___________________________________________________________

Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------that'll show 'em

I don't want to say my wife is a ditz, but let me tell you what happened the other night.  We couldn't sleep a wink because our neighbor's dog wouldn't stop barking.  Finally, my wife jumped out of bed, announced, "I've had enough of this," and went outside.  She returned about 15 minutes later and climbed back into bed.  I said, "The dog is still barking.  What have you been doing?" She said, "I put the dog in our backyard.  Let's see how THEY like it!"

_______________________________________________________

In 1836, the Republic of Texas formally declared its independence from Mexico.

In 1917, Puerto Ricans were granted U.S. citizenship as President Woodrow Wilson signed the Jones-Shafroth Act.

In 1990, more than 6,000 drivers went on strike against Greyhound Lines, Inc.  (The company, later declaring an impasse in negotiations, fired the strikers.)

____________________________________________________

Today---------------Actor John Cullum is 81, Author Tom Wolfe is 81, Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev is 80, Actress Barbara Luna is 72, Actor Jon Finch is 70, Author John Irving is 69, Singer Lou Reed is 69 and Actress Cassie Yates is 60,,

___________________________________________________

March 2nd is:  Namesake Day, Dr. Seuss Day and NEA's Read Across America Day.

___________________________________________________

Larryj