another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's----------------Hah

The Department of Psychiatry at a prestigious West Coast medical university advertised in the Sunday newspaper, seeking participants in a study of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

Department researchers hoped to recruit a large, diverse group of individuals who had been diagnosed with the disorder.

On Monday, the department chairman checked in with her secretary and asked, "Any volunteers yet for the OCD study?"

The secretary said, "Are you kidding?  We've received 300 calls so far this morning."

The chairman, astonished, said, "Wow! That's great!"

The secretary said, "Not really.  They're all from the same person."

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In 1653, New Amsterdam -- now New York City -- was incorporated.

In 1848, the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, ending the Mexican-American War, was signed.

In 1876, the National League of Professional Base Ball Clubs was formed in New York.

In 1948, President Harry S. Truman sent a 10-point civil rights program to Congress, where the proposals ran into fierce opposition from southern lawmakers.

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Today----------Actress Elaine Stritch is 86, Actor Robert Mandan is 79, Comedian Tom Smothers is 74, Rock singer-guitarist Graham Nash is 69, Actor Bo Hopkins is 69, Country singer Howard Bellamy is 65, Actor Jack McGee is 62 and Actor Brent Spiner is 62.
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February 2nd is:  Sled Dog Day, Candlemas, Crepe Day, Hedgehog Day, National Girls and Women Sports Day, Groundhog Job Shadow Day, and Groundhog Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------out of the mouths, etc.

"Oh, I sure am glad to see you!"  little Dennis cried as he ran to the door to greet his grandmother on his mother's side.

Grandma, very flattered, said, "Aren't you the sweetest little boy!  Tell me, why are you so happy to see me?"

"Now daddy will do his trick!"  Dennis said.

"What trick is that?"

"Oh, he's been saying he will climb the walls if you come to visit!"

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In 1913, the 16th Amendment to the Constitution, providing for a federal income tax was ratified.


In 1959, rock-and-roll stars Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P "Big Bopper" Richardson died in a small plane crash near Clear Lake, Iowa.

In 1974, New York City police officer Frank Serpico, who had charged there was widespread corruption in the NYPD, was shot and seriously wounded during a drug bust in Brooklyn.

In 1991, the rate for a first-class postage stamp rose to 29 cents.

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Today-------------------------Comedian Shelley Berman is 85, Football Hall-of-Famer Fran Tarkenton is 71, Actress Bridget Hanley is 70, Actress Blythe Danner is 68, Singer Dennis Edwards is 68, Football Hall-of-Famer Bob Griese is 66, Singer Melanie is 64 and Actress Morgan Fairchild is 61.

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February 3rd is:  Four Chaplains Memorial  Day, The Day The Music Died, and Chinese New Year (which we were going to celebrate tonight in China Town, but it has been postponed to Saturday.)

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------that's common sense

Three strangers happened to stand side-by-side at the Grand Canyon.  One was an artist, the second was a pastor and the third was a cowboy.

Each one searched for the right words to describe their feelings as they gazed upon the might abyss.

The artist said, "Ah, what a beautiful scene to paint."

The pastor cried, "What a perfect example of God's handiwork."

The cowboy shook his head and said, "Now there's one lousy place to lose a cow."

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In 1789, electors chose General George Washington to be the first president of the United States.

In 1861, delegates from six southern states that had recently seceded from the Union met in Montgomery, Alabama, to form the Confederate States of America.

In 1974, newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley by the Symbionese Liberation Army.

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Today------------Actor William Phipps is 89, Actor Conrad Bain is 88. Actor Gary Conway is 75. Rock musician John Steel (The Animals) is 70, Singer Florence LaRue (The Fifth Dimension) is 67, Former Vice-President Dan Quayle is 64, Rock singer Alice Cooper is 63 and Actor Michael Beck is 62.

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February 4th is:  Bubble Gum Day, Give Kids a Smile Day, Quacker Day, Liberace Day, Wear Red Day, USO Day and World Cancer Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------problem easily fixed

Just before moving into final position for take-off, the passenger jet abruptly came to a stop, turned around and returned to the gate.  Passengers were told that the pilot had been bothered by a noise in the engine.

There was an hour's delay.  But then passengers were told to buckle up again and prepare for take-off.  The plane started moving into position.  One of the passengers said to a flight attendant, "Well, I guess they fixed the noise in the engine, right?"

The flight attendant said, "No, they just found a different pilot."

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In 1917, Congress passed, over President Woodrow Wilson's veto, an immigration act severely curtailing the influx of Asians.

In 1940, Glenn Miller and his orchestra recorded "Tuxedo Junction" for RCA Victor's Bluebird label.

In 1971, Apollo 14 astronauts Alan Shepard and Edgar Mitchell stepped onto the surface of the moon in the first of two lunar excursions.

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Today--------------Country singer Claude King is 88, Baseball Hall-of-Famer Hank Aaron is 77. Actor Stuart Damon is 74, Actor David Selby is 70, Football Hall-of-Famer Roger Staubach is 69, Racing Hall-of-Famer Darrell Waltrip is 64, Actress Barbara Hershey is 63, Actor Christopher Guest is 63 and Actor Tom Wilkinson is 63.

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February 5th is:  Weatherpersons Day, World Nutella Day, MOBIUS Day and Move Hollywood and Broadway to Lebanon, PA, Day.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------old and true

There are important differences between your work station and a prison cell.

In prison, you spend your time in a confined space.  At work, you spend your time in a much smaller one.

In prison, you get three free meals a day.  At work, you get a single meal break and you must pay for your own food.

In prison, you watch TV and play games.  At work, you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison, you get your own toilet.  At work, you have to share with others.

In prison, you get time off for good behavior.  At. work, you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

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In 1911, Ronald Wilson Reagan, the 40th president of the United States, was born in Tampico, IL.

In 1991, comedian and television performer Danny Thomas died in Los Angeles at age 79.

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Today--------------Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor is 94, Actor Patrick Macnee is 89, Actor Rip Torn is 80, Actress Mamie Van Doren is 80, Former NBC News anchorman Tom Brokaw is 71, Singer Fabian is 68, Actress Gayle Hunnicutt is 68, Actor Michael Tucker is 67, Singer Natalie Cole is 61 and Actor Mike Farrell is 72.

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February 6th is:  Dump Your Significant Jerk Day and Super Bowl XLV.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------was a stupid thing about adding your age that you will be this year and the last two numbers of the year you were born and it would add up to 111.  Example:  Born in 43, add 43 and 68 and it equals 111.  Also, the current calendar year features the following dates:  1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11 and 11/11/11.  Back to the archives.

Three guys died and when they get to the pearly gates, St. Peter meets them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions. Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't you will forfeit your privilege of being here and we'll have to ask you to visit our friend below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you get. You have to have a car here in Heaven because it is so big!"
The first guy walks up and Peter asks him, "How long were you married?"

The guy replies, "24 years."

St. Peter then asks, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"

The guy says, "Yes, about 10 times...but you said I was forgiven."

Peter said, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto for you to drive."

The second guy walks up and gets the same questions from Peter to which he replies, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out and I was faithful there after."

Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln Town Car for you to drive."

The third guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar for you to drive."

A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearily said, "I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!"

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In 1861, the general counsel of the Choctaw Indian nation adopted a resolution declaring allegiance with the South "in the event a permanent dissolution of the American Union takes place.'

In 1931, aviator Amelia Earhart married publisher George P. Putnam in Noank, Conn.

In 1943, the government announced the start of shoe rationing, limiting consumers to buying three pairs per person for the remainder of the year.

In 1948, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower resigned as Army chief of staff; he was succeeded by Gen. Omar Bradley.

In 1984, space shuttle Challenger astronauts Bruce McCandless II and Robert L. Stewart went on the first untethered space walk, which lasted nearly six hours.

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Today-----------Country singer Wilma Lee Cooper is 90 and Author Gay Telese is 79.

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February 7th is:  Ballet Day and Wave Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day.  (Didn't say how many or which one.)

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------------Yep

A used-car salesman waxed eloquent as he showed off a vehicle to a prospective buyer.  He pointed out the paint job, the tires and the interior.  He reached in, turned the key, and started up the engine. "Yes, sir," he exclaimed, "This car is a real opportunity."

The customer cocked his head, listened, then said, "It does sound like an opportunity.  I can hear it knocking."

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In 1910, the Boy Scouts of America was incorporated.

In 1960, work began on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, located at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine Street in Los Angeles.

In 2007, model, actress and tabloid sensation Anna Nicole Smith died in Florida at age 39 of an accidental drug overdose.

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Today----------Composer-conductor John Williams is 79, Actor Nick Nolte is 70. Comedian Robert Klein is 69, Actor-rock musician Creed Bratton is 68, Singer Ron Tyson is 63, Actress Brooke Adams is 62 and Former ABC News anchor Ted Koppel s 71.

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February 8th is:  Extraterrestrial Culture Day, Boy Scout Anniversary and Laugh and Get Rich Day.



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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------manners please!

While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children.  I'll never forget 6-year-old Lizzie, for example.  As soon as she saw the needle, she screamed, "NO! NO! NO!"

Her mother scolded her, "Lizzie, that's not polite."

The girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU!  NO, THANK YOU!  NO, THANK YOU!"

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In 1825, the House of Representatives elected John Quincy Adams president after no candidate received a majority of electoral votes.

In 1861, Jefferson Davis was elected provisional president of the Confederate States of America at a congress held in Montgomery, Alabama.  (He was inaugurated on Feb. 18.)

In 1943, the World War II battle of Guadalcanal in the southwest Pacific ended with an Allied victory over Japanese forces.

In 1964, the Beatles made their first live American television appearance on "The Ed Sullivan Show" broadcast from New York on CBS.

In 1971, a magnitude 6.6 earthquake in the San Fernando Valley claimed 65 lives.

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Today----------Television journalist Roger Mudd is 83, Actress Janet Suzman is 72,  Singer-songwriter Carole King is 69, Actor Joe Pesci is 68, Singer Barbara Lewis is 68, Author Alice Walker is 67, Actress Mia Farrow is 66, Singer Joe Ely is 64 and Actress Judith Light is 62.

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February 9th is:  National Stop Bullying Day and Read In The Bathtub Day.

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Larry

[larryJ]

Today's------------------Hah

Morris needs a lawyer.  He checks online and picks out a law firm: 

SCHWARTZ, SCHWARTZ, SCHWARTZ AND SCHWARTZ.

He calls and asks, "Is Mr. Schwartz in?"

The man on the other end says, "No, he is out playing golf."

Morris says, "OK, then let me speak to Mr. Schwartz."

"He's not with the firm any longer.  He retired last month."

"Fine, just let me talk to Mr. Schwartz, then."

"He's at a conference in Boston, and won't be back until next week."

"Alright.  Put Mr. Schwartz on the line, please."

"Speaking."
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In 1949, Arthur Miller's play "Death of a Salesman" opened at Broadway's Morosco Theater with Lee J. Cobb as Willy Loman.

In 1962, the Soviet Union exchanged captured American U-2 pilot Francis Gary Powers for Rudolf Abel, a Soviet spy held by the United States.

In 1968, U.S. figure skater Peggy Fleming won America's only gold medal of the Winter Olympic Games in Grenoble, France.

In 1981, eight people were killed when a fire set by a busboy broke out at the Las Vegas Hilton hotel-casino.

IN 2005, playwright Arthur Miller died in Roxbury, Conn., at age 89 on the 56th anniversary of the Broadway opening of his "Death of a Salesman."

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Today-------------Opera singer Leontyne Price is 84, Actor Robert Wagner is 81, Rock musician Don Wilson (The Ventures) is 78, Singer Roberta Flack is 74, Singer Jimmy Merchant (Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers) is 71 and Olympic gold-medal swimmer Mark Spitz is 61.

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February 10th is:  Plimsoll Day.  (I know, I know, I had to look it up, also.)

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------you can't outsmart a cat

A man hated his girlfriend's cat and decided to get rid of it.  He drove it two miles away, dropped it off, then returned to the house.  The cat had beat him back.  It was curled on the porch.

Next day, the man drove the cat five miles away and dropped it off.  Again, the cat beat him back.

Next day, the man drove the cat ten miles away, into a totally unfamiliar part of town.  He dropped it off.

Hours later, the girlfriend answered the phone.  It was her boyfriend.

"Hey, Jen, is the cat there?" he asked.

"Yes,  why do you ask?"

"Put it on the phone, will you?  I'm lost and I need directions."

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In 1861, President-elect Abraham Lincoln bade farewell to his adopted hometown of Springfield, IL., as he headed to Washington for his inauguration.  The same day, the U.S. House of Representatives  unanimously adopted a resolution guaranteeing non-interference with slavery in any state.


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Today----------Actor Conrad Janis is 83, Actress Tina Louise is 77, Actor Burt Reynolds is 75, Songwriter Gerry Coffin is 72, Actor Sonny Landham is 70, Bandleader Sergio Mendez  is 70 and Rhythm-and-blues singer Otis Clay is 69.

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February 11th is:  Satisfied Staying Single Day, Be Electrific Day, Pro Sports Wives Day, Shut-in Visitation Day and White Shirt Day.

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Larryj