another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Todays-----------------------------------

A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker for money when the police came and raided the game.

Turning to the priest, the sergeant in charge said, "Father, were you gambling?"  Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered to himself, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do."  Turning to the police officer, he said,  "No, officer, I was not gambling."

The officer than asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?"  Again, after a forgiveness appeal to heaven, the minister replied, "No, officer, I was not gambling."

Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?"  Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied,

"With whom?"

Larryj

[larryJ]

Todays-------------------------------------

A feud developed between the pastor and choir director. The first hint of trouble came when the pastor preached on dedicating oneself to service and the choir director selected "I Shall Not Be Moved" as the anthem.

Believing it was a coincidence, the pastor put the incident behind him.  The next Sunday, the sermon focused on giving and the director chose to have the choir sing "Jesus Paid It All."

By this time it became evident the pastor was losing his temper and Sunday morning attendance swelled as the tension between the two increased dramatically.

The next week, the pastor preached on gossiping and wouldn't you know it, the choir director selected, "I Love To Tell The Story."

There was no turning back.  The following Sunday the preacher announced that unless the director changed his ways, he was considering resigning.  The congregation gasped when the choir director led them in "Why Not Tonight?"

Truthfully, no one was surprised when the pastor resigned a week later; explaining that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away.  The choir director simply could not resist the song "What A Friend We Have In Jesus."


Larryj

[Judy Harder]

Priceless, Larry, thanks!

It could work that way.

[patyrn]

Perfect....................

[larryJ]

Todays----------------short and cute and my wife liked this one.

My friend Donna said she felt like her body had gotten out of shape, so she got her doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.

She decided to begin with an aerobics class for seniors.  She said she bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and sweat like the dickens for an hour....................................but by the time she got her leotards on, the class was over.

Larryj

You're growing old when your knees buckle and your belt won't.

[patyrn]

So true.........................

[Judy Harder]

Polish Sausage

Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!

'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'
The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'

The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am.
But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage,
would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst,
would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog.
would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a taco,
would you ask if I was Mexican?'

'If I asked for some Irish whiskey,
would you ask if I was Irish?'

The clerk says, 'Well, no, I probably wouldn't!'

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,
'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish
because I asked for Polish sausage?'

The clerk replied, 'Because you're in Home Depot
`

[larryJ]

Todays--------------------------------------courtesy of my 4 year old granddaughter who brings in the paper when she comes over.

Raul was playing soccer with his local team.  He got a break-away and headed towards the goal.  He missed an easy shot to tie the game, giving the victory to the other team.

"I could just kick myself," he groaned, as the players came off the field.

"Why bother?" said the captain of the team, "you'd miss!"


Larryj

[Judy Harder]

This is for all you guys with nothing much to do. Girls, I suggest we spend the day shopping........seems they won''t pay attention to their pockets and you can really get some "Justice".



WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY   



Don't forget to mark your calendars.



As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment. The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist a ctivity.
 
God bless America !    It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don't send this to at least 5 people, you're a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward and are in the position of posing as a national threat.
`

[larryJ]

Hee Hee!!  I had heart bypass surgery scheduled for that time, so I called and canceled it.  When I informed the surgeon of my reason for canceling, he was really appreciative that he could also join in the anti-terrorist effort and will be sitting by my side.  He also said that an event of this kind is probably better for my heart than any old surgery.  In the event that this may prove to be too much for my heart, he is bringing his medical bag and favorite nurse who will also be showing her patriotism, but standing by to be of assistance in case I need it rather than walking.  He has also given me a crash course in CPR in case this event proves to be too much for him, but has insisted that the nurse administer CPR before I do.  The anesthesiologist will be bringing the beer and whatever else he feels he may need to "get high on America."  Thanks for the heads up.

Larryj