another slice of wry

[Judy Harder]

Hey! Larry, when you are RIGHT YOU ARE RIGHT!

Don't mess with a woman..........and I really enjoyed the ship
wry.............bet he was a blond...........or graduated MBA.

[Jo McDonald]

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive  clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

[larryJ]

          

I loved this one, Jo, thanks.

Larryj

[dnalexander]

I will add a couple from my personal experience.

When a woman says "I guess ..." she is just being polite. In my experience you need to drop those words from her original statement and do what she said.

"It would be nice if..." again she is being polite, what she means is I want you to do this.

If she means I want you do do something do it, it is in your best interest to follow her direction.

(For the men reading this I know you don't understand, just take my advice.)

David

[larryJ]

Todays--------------short and sweet, and a slap in the face

The plane was only half-full, so when an atractive young woman asked if the seat next to mine was free, my ego soared.

Soon we were chatting pleasantly, and she told me it was her first flight.  My ego was quickly deflated, however, when she confessed, with a nervous laugh, "Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust, and you look just like my Granddad."

OUCH!!!!

Larryj

It takes years to get used to how old you are.

[frawin]

Thanks Larry, what a great way to start the day.

[larryJ]

Todays--------

To help at busy times, the auto garage hired two teenagers as mechanic's helpers.

Taking great pains to be specific, the manager explained to the two that he wanted them to clean the cars that were parked outside.  He gave them two extension cords, a vacuum cleaner, a bucket, some rags, sponges and the car keys.

Later he went out and discovered them sitting in a car, with their feet up on the dashboard, listening to the stereo.  "Why aren't you vacuuming the car?" he asked.

"Because the extension cord wouldn't reach," was the reply.

Exasperated, he said, "That's why I gave you two."

"Well, we tried the other one," one teen said, " and it wouldn't reach either!"

Larryj

[larryJ]

Todays-------------------------------------DISCLAIMER!!!!  DO NOT ACTUALLY TRY THESE TIPS!!!!!!!!


CAMPING TIPS-------

1)  When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will help keep the campsites on either side vacant.

2)  Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

3)  Old socks can be made into high fiber jerky by smoking them over an open fire.

4)  A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm.  A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

5)  Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.  WARNING!!  Remove lint from navel before applying the match.

6)  You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.

7)  When packing to leave, you can compress the diameter of a rolled sleeping bag by running over it with you car.

Larryj

[larryJ]

Another groaner---------------------------------And, Patyrn, let everybody else get it first. 


A boy and his father are playing with toy cars -- the father has a police car and pretends to pull over the car that the boy is playing with.

"Do you have a driver's license?" asks the father.

"No!" says the boy defensively.

"Hey, are you resisting arrest?" asks the father.

The boy hesitates for a moment, then says, "No, I'm  just not sleepy yet."

Larryj

[patyrn]

That's cool--and I promise I'll refrain from shouting out the answer.............................