another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------sounds like R.A.M.B.O.--

A little boy took his dog to a "take your pet to school" day.

There were prizes for the smallest, the biggest, best-groomed, cutest and the smartest pet.

Determined that his dog would win a prize, the boy tried to put his pet through a whole series of tricks with maudlin success.

Finally, the boy turned to his dog and sternly asked, "Mindy, how much is two plus two plus two, minus six?"

The dog sat quietly looking at his "master" making no sound and remaining absolutely motionless.

"That's right!" exclaimed the boy enthusiastically.

His dog won first prize.

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In 1954, during the Senate-Army Hearings, Army special counsel Joseph N. Welch berated Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy for his attack on Frederick Fisher, a junior attorney at Welch's law firm, asking, "Have you no sense of decency, sir?  At long last, have you left no sense of decency?"

In 1973,, Secretariat became horse racing's first Triple Crown winner in 25 years by winning the Belmont Stakes.

In 1978, leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black men from the Mormon priesthood,.

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Today----------Actress Mona Freeman is 84, Sports commentator Dick Vitale is 71 and Author Letty Cottin Pogrebin is 71.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------think about it, you will get it----------

When a nosy fourth-grade student wanted the scoop on what another teacher and Michelle were discussing in private, Michelle decided it was time for an impromptu lesson in manners.

"Do you know what 'minding your own business' means?" she asked softly, but pointedly.  He didn't, but a student clear across the room shouted, "I do!  I do!"

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In 1967, the Middle East War ended as Israel and Syria agreed to observe a United Nations-mediated cease-fire.

In 1977, James Earl Ray, the convicted assassin of civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr., escaped from Brushy Mountain State Prison in Tennessee with six others; he was recaptured June 13th.

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Today-----Britain's Prince Philip is 89, Columnist Nat Hentoff is 85, Attorney F. Lee Bailey is 77 and Actress Alexandra Stewart is 71.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------if it ain't yours----

The following notice was posted on the office bulletin board:

"Whoever used the milk in the small plastic container that was in the refrigerator yesterday, please DO NOT own up to it.  I would find it forever after difficult to meet your gaze across a cafeteria table whilst having a discussion about lattes and such.

"Just be aware that the milk was expressly for my baby --- if you get my drift.  Henceforth, I will most certainly label such things, but if your coffee tasted just a little bit unusual this morning, you might think about calling your mother and telling her you love her."

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In 1770, Captain James Cook, commander of the British ship Endeavour, discovered the Great Barrier Reef off Australia by running into it.  (I generally only post items pertaining to American History, but this was funny.)

In 1776, the Continental Congress formed a committee to draft a Declaration of Independence calling for freedom from Britain.

In 1977, Seattle Slew won the Belmont Stakes, capturing the Triple Crown.

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Today----------Actor Chad Everett is 73, Comedian Johnny Brown is 73, International Motorsports Hall-of-Famer Jackie Stewart is 71, Singer Joey Dee is 70, Actress Adrienne Barbeau is 65 and Actor Gene Wilder is 77.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's------------------Hee Hee

An elderly woman called the police with the complaint that she could see her neighbors in the next apartment building cavorting around stark naked at all hours of the day and night.

A policeman came to her apartment and peered intently through her bedroom window for quite a long period of time.

"I can't see a thing," he said.

"Well, you can if you stand on the bed," she snapped.

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In 1776, Virginia's colonial legislature became the first to adopt a Bill of Rights.

In 1920, the Republican national convention nominated Warren G. Harding for president on the 10th ballot.  Calvin Coolidge was nominated for vice president.

In 1939, the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum was dedicated in Cooperstown, N.Y.

In 1967, the Supreme Court, in Loving v. Virginia, struck down state laws prohibiting interracial marriages.

In 1987, President Ronald Reagan, during a visit to the divided city of Berlin, publicly challenged Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev to "tear down this wall."

In 1994, Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were slashed to death outside her Los Angeles home.  (O.J. Simpon was later acquitted of the killings in a criminal trial, but was held liable in a civil action.)

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Today------Banker/Philanthropist David Rockefeller is 95, Former President George H.W. Bush is 86, Singer Vic Damone is 82, Jazz musician Chick Corea is 69, Sportscaster Marv Albert is 69, Pop Singer Len Barry is 68 and Actor-Singer Jim Nabors is 60. (Gooolllleee)

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------was not included in the paper-- ---back to the archives.

Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?"
The other fisherman replies," If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."
They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, one fisherman says to the other "fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."
He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." 30 minutes later, he asks him to check again.
"Nope, still salty." One hour later they check again. "Nope. Still salty."
"This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!"
"I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!

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In 1944, Germany began launching flying-bomb attacks against Britain during WWII.

In 1966, The Supreme Court issued its landmark Miranda v. Arizona decision, ruling that criminal suspects had to be informed of their constitutional right to consult with an attorney and to remain silent before being questioned by police.

In 1971, The New York Times began publishing excerpts of the Pentagon Papers, a secret study of America's involvement in Viet Nam.

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Correction to yesterday's birthdays----Jim Nabors correct age is 80. 

Today---------------------Actor Bob McGrath is 78, Singer Bobby Freeman is 70 and Actor Malcolm McDowell is 67.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------I must not be awake, I had to read this one a few times.

Sitting through fire safety and prevention programs can make anyone nod off.  So, the instructor tried to lighten the mood by going around the room asking where all the guests were from.

"Burnt Mattress, Arkansas," called out a fellow in the fourth row.

"Burnt Mattress!" said the instructor, suppressing a laugh.  "I've heard some unusual town names before, but never that one.  Where's it located?"

The guy's friend, who was sitting next to him, shot back, "Right above Hot Springs."

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This is Flag Day----On June 14, 1777, the Continental Congress in Philadelphia adopted the Stars and Stripes as the national flag.

In 1775, the Continental Army, forerunner of the United States Army, was created.

In 1801, former American Revolutionary War General and notorious turncoat Benedict Arnold died in London.

In 1846, a group of U.S. settlers in Sonoma proclaimed the Republic of California.

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Today--------Actress Marla Gibbs is 79, Actor Jack Bannon is 70, Rock Singer Rod Argent (the Zombies) is 65, Real Estate mogul and TV personality Donald Trump is 64, Singer Janet Lennon (the Lennon Sisters) is 64 and Country-rock musician Spooner Oldham is 67.

And, sadly, just heard that country musician and sausage maker Jimmy Dean has passed away.

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Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

I promise you nobody ever nodded off in one of MY fire safety classes. Good story, I don't think I had those fellows though.  Did get people from all over the country for the industrial programs.

[larryJ]

Today's---------GPS couldn't even help here

The map the veterinarians friend had drawn indicated that the country client she was to see, lived in the second house past the Yin road.  Try as she might, the vet could not find a Yin road anywhere!  Exasperated, she finally stopped at the next farm to ask directions.

"I ain't never heard of no Yin road" said the farmer, "but ya might try askin' old man McGillicuddy -- he's lived 'round here for better'n 70 years."

"Thanks," said the vet, "Where do I find him?"

"Easy," the farmer said, "he lives at the second farm past the Y in the road."

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On June 15th, 1215, England's King John put his seal to Magna Carta ("the Great Charter") at Runnymeade.

In 1775, the Second Continental Congress voted unanimously to appoint George Washington head of the Continental Army.

In 1836, Arkansas became the 25th state.

In 1844, Charles Goodyear received a patent for his process to vulcanize rubber.

In 1864, Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton signed an order establishing a military burial ground, which later became Arlington National Cemetery.

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Today--------Actor Aron Kincaid is 70, Rock musician Lee Dorman (Iron Butterfly) is 68 and Singer Russell Hitchcock (Air Supply) is 61.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------------it pays to be prepared

Carol, a friend of mine who works in the electronics department at Wal-Mart, certainly is no stranger to the daily variety of shoppers who visit the store. 

But one day she was caught off guard when a young Boy Scout approached her counter wanting to buy an IPod.  Having lost his wallet, he had only the check his mother had sent him and no identification.

Carol could not cash the young man's check without identification.  She asked if he was sure he had nothing to prove he was who he said he was..  He thought a minute, then motioned for her to lean over so he could whisper in her ear.

Carol straightened and motioned for him to come behind the counter.  There, the young man, pulled out his shirt-tail, reached behind him and tugged his underwear up above his pants line and turned around.  There, neatly stenciled in the waistband was his name, phone number and address.

Carol cashed his check, and the boy left with his IPod.  Another day at Wal-Mart.

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In 1858, accepting the Illinois Republican Party's nomination for the U.S. Senate, Abraham Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved, declaring, "A house divided against itself cannot stand."

In 1897, the government signed a treaty of annexation with Hawaii.

In 1903, Ford Motor Co. was incorporated.

In 1959, actor George Reeves, TV's "Superman," was found dead of an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound in the bedroom of his Beverly Hills home: he was 45.

In 1960, the Alfred Hitchcock movie, "Psycho," opened in New York City.

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Today-------------Actor Bill Cobbs is 75, Author Joyce Carol Oates is 72, Country Singer Billy "Crash" Craddock is 71, Songwriter Lamont Dozier is 69 and Actress Joan Van Ark is 67.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------GROANER----------big time groaner

A woman went on a tour of the White House.  As the guide led her group down one of the historic halls, a door burst open and a large aquatic sea mammal, balancing a beach ball on its nose, scurried past.

"My goodness!  What was that?"  exclaimed the woman.

(you know where this is going, right?)

"Oh, that's the Presidential Seal," replied the guide.

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In 1885, the Statue of Liberty arrived in New York Harbor aboard the French ship Isere.

In 1928, Amelia Earhart embarked on a trans-Atlantic flight from  Newfoundland to Wales with pilots Wilmer Stultz and Louis Gordon, becoming the first woman to make the trip as a passenger.

In 1961, Soviet ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev defected to the West while his troupe was in Paris.

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Today---------------Actor Peter Lupus is 78 and Singer Barry Manilow is 64.

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Larryj